Mass Effect - Kaidan Alenko - An EXTENDED Cut & Epilogue
by ShameTheRedRose
Summary: A romance extension and epilogue for (F)Shepard and Kaidan Alenko. If you've driven yourself to the ragged edge gearing up for the best ending you could have, this will be right up your alley. This is something I will update as it changes or grows. Please critique! Enjoy. Look for WalkingDotStudio on Deviant Art if you would like a .pdf file to download and take with you offline.
1. Mass Effect Extras & Epilogue - Foreword

Mass Effect Epilogue &amp; Extras

R.A. Crandall a.k.a. Walking Dot Studio (username WalkingDotStudio) on Deviant Art &amp; Tumblr

Foreword

I give you the "ultimate" Extended Cut of the Kaidan Alenko romance.

In the Extras you will find many of the scenes you know and love so well with sizeable expansions as well as a healthy extra helping of character development for both Kaidan and Shepard. Throughout the romance I have tried to emphasize finding common ground, each complementing the other's vulnerabilities. More so than in the games due to the fact that in the Extended Cut DLC it felt like Kaidan had been turned into a damsel-in-distress and I thoroughly dislike viewing the character that way. Or any of our LIs, for that matter. There are also a few re-writes of other scenes – an extended cut of Wrex's Troubles post-cure being one of my favourites. And a hijacking of Ashley's bar fight.

Having made Shepard a Colonist and Ruthless while in game, I thought this might serve as an interesting look at why she ended up that way. If you're ruthless as all hell, this is a background you are likely to appreciate. Don't worry, there's a dash of Kaidan fan service in there to boot.

My best suggestion would be to read this alongside your current or next play through. Or at least a healthy helping of You-Tube vids to refresh your memory as to how the characters move and behave in the moment. Most of that detail was left out to focus on interaction between the characters and is only explored where it changed or was absent from the game.

While reading you will find jarring cuts away from the action in certain scenes. When you find a 'v' in a line between paragraphs I have either cut to a new scene or moved forward to another point in the story, intending to leave what would lie between as it was in game. Where major scenes belong is outlined by location or incident names. The order of events tends to be dictated by what is required to happen before the events in question can take place. I would appreciate it if you could point out any goofs I may have made there. I've also tried to be logically consistent with my own changes but I may have missed a thing or two along the way.

As a side note: If all you were hoping for is the Epilogue, feel free to jump clear through to that chapter. It continues from where the games ended, as Bioware left it, as if it belonged there. But, if you're like me and can't seem to get enough of Kaidan Alenko, don't hesitate to give the whole darn thing a good read.

Most importantly, as with anyone trying improve their ability to craft a good story, any feedback, comments, criticisms, complements and discussions are hoped for and welcome. Please take a few minutes to let me know what you think! Thank you. :)

Lastly, if you want to read this fic like you're reading an e-book, you'll find PDFs of the individual sections posted on my user page at Deviant Art. This certainly is my favourite way to enjoy them.

Fair winds and fortunes be with you on your journey.

(UPDATE: It seems that due to mature content/security settings on Deviant Art, the PDFs weren't available for download without an account registered at DA. This has been changed for you. Sorry!)

(UPDATE: Please bear with me as content jumps around. I still think of this as a rough draft. It's my intention to compile it all into one beginning-to-end story featuring my favourite mix of the Paragon and Renegade versions I've written. As soon as that project is under way I'll stop updating this story and post one final version. I'm looking forward to it. I just have to finish the game in Shepard's shoes and I'll start that journey.)


	2. Mass Effect Extras

Mass Effect Extras

R.A. Crandall

Chapter 1 – Mass Effect

Ton Actus – Wrex's Family Armour

Pinned down in the far corner of the bunker, Shepard stood behind cover between Kaidan and Wrex, picking off pirates moving to approach their right flank. She looked to her radar. They had given up trying to approach from the flanks and Kaidan was taking the brunt of the attack. She couldn't step up to assist without giving up cover or moving Kaidan out of his. She and Wrex were in rough shape. There were two contacts left but they weren't taking enough fire. She watched as he took two solid hits, took cover and stood to fire again. Too soon. Another hit, maybe two, and he was gone - after they had just survived a daunting onslaught. Her own shields were gone, the last of their medi-gel used. Kaidan would be down before they came back. He took a hit, stumbling back from the force of impact. Shepard stepped between Kaidan and his assailants. Two shots. The first hit clean through the skull. Shepard held the second as the pirate moved behind cover. Following through the crate, the instant he showed his face out the other side it was gone. Shepard lowered her rifle, her arms starting to shake. She turned to Kaidan offering him a hand up, not letting go.

"Thanks." Kaidan looked confused as Shepard gazed at him, eyes darting about slightly, as she worked to keep expressions off her face and remained silent. Confusion was quickly replaced with the resolve to bear her attention.

"That armour has to be here somewhere." Wrex said. Shepard looked to him and nodded, releasing Kaidan's forearm.

"Let's go." She stepped past Kaidan, out from cover, making for the only section of the building they hadn't explored yet.

v

They loaded themselves and their retrieved cargo up into the Mako. Shepard drove to the nearest plateau and radioed the Normandy for pick up.

"We're not going after that deposit?" Kaidan asked. Shepard kept her eyes forward, her tone grave.

"No."

v

Wrex dropped his gun in his locker and headed over to the Mako to unload the armour crate, leaving Shepard and Kaidan to unequip themselves.

"Commander, is there something you need to say?" Kaidan asked. Shepard grit her teeth. Honesty wasn't always a virtue.

"No."

"I was careless, Commander. You wouldn't have been forced to…step in…if…" Kaidan shook his head and exhaled. "I didn't keep it together. If you're considering leaving me aboard next time, I understand." Shepard snapped her head toward him, eyes wide with one eyebrow up.

"I'd do it again. Next time…keep your head cooler a little longer and I won't have to." Shepard said evenly, her expression showing she cared more than it should have. She exhaled some of the tension she carried. Kaidan stepped in and lowered his voice.

"You'd…?" he began, not sure how to finish the sentence. Shepard put the last of her gear in the locker and shut it. She met his gaze again.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" Kaidan's jaw worked as he kept himself silent. He was fairly sure he knew the answer to the question.

"Nevermind, ma'am," he replied. Shepard nodded slightly and made for the elevator. As the doors closed she leaned against the rear wall. Silently, she answered his question.

_Yes. I would. For no particularly logical reason, I would._

v

Mess Hall Banter

"Never visit that turian trader. He's as sketchy as they get. Bought a Stiletto from him and it turns out it had disappeared from evidence in C-Sec two months ago. I go to try and get my money back and the bastard threatens to take my eyes out. Turned the unit in and reported him. If C-Sec gets him I hope he spends a few years in holding."

"Commander Shepard told me she'd heard a merchant stiffing another customer for a return earlier. Probably the same one."

The mess hall was near packed with crew chatting and tending to the necessity of feeding the body they own. Joker, Dr. Chakwas, Ashley, Garrus and Lieutenant Alenko were among them. Commander Shepard took a seat with her rations and to her dismay talk at the table abruptly died. She looked around at every face at the table and looked behind her.

"What's up, Commander?" asked Ashley.

"I thought Saren had walked up behind me, for a second." Ash laughed. Dr. Chakwas and Kaidan weren't far behind.

"Hey, Commander, how the heck did you guys get inside that compound on X57?" Joker asked.

"Luck…" Shepard said simply. Sensing a story was wanted she began again. "Well, we took out all the defensive turrets and pulled right up beside the fusion engine. They have mining charges set up around the bunker. We tried detonating one from a distance but they had shields around the damn things. To boot, it turns out they have these charges set up in a perfectly spaced ring. We tried to get between them at a few points but they were way too close. Third time I'm going up, rockets and gunfire start flying past our heads." Lieutenant Alenko cut in perfectly.

"Commander pulls us back to the rover to blast them out of their gopher holes, and the whole bloody crew retreats inside the compound. Everyone's thinking it, no one's saying it - what the hell do we do now?"

"Actually, I was thinking we should retreat and see if one of the surviving engineers could improvise a trigger to detonate them remotely," said Garrus.

"That's the kind of thing you need to tell me when we're being shot at, Garrus. The less gunfire we see in our lives the longer they'll be."

"Sorry, Commander. You just seemed determined to get in."

"No kidding." Kaidan quipped. "She goes straight for the weapons locker, pulls out a Nagi VIII, tells us to "keep them busy and keep an eye on her ass" and takes off running for a nearby berm. We scramble back to the blast caps and keep the bastards occupied. A few seconds later there's a rocket heading in the Commander's direction. I got a warning off but when that thing hit…I thought you were toast."

"So did I. Lucky for me they were poor shots. But they didn't know that. I managed to stay out of sight half way up the cliff we'd come down on our approach. Picked them off from there while Lieutenant Alenko and Garrus kept them busy. We shot down the last of them, then another one runs out of a rear door and goes around the blind side of the building. I have no idea what he's doing until I see him sprinting out from the other side of the building, going straight for the blast caps."

"We get the signal to fall back and run for the rover like the hounds of Hades are on our heels. Next thing I know, a blast cap detonates, the ground bounces under my feet, and there're pebbles and dust raining down on us." Everyone's listening, riveted.

"That's it?" Shepard laughed.

"Yeah, Joker. That's it. Don't know where he thought he was going but, he opened a hole in the circle for us."

"Still, cool." A round of affectionate laughter circles the table.

"Lieutenant, can I ask you something?" Garrus chimes in. Alenko turns to him.

"Sure, Garrus."

"Why would you want to watch the Commander's 'ass' when we're the middle of a firefight? What strategic significance does it have?" Most everyone except the Lieutenant and Garrus had to keep from spitting whatever they were eating or drinking out, Shepard included. A choke and small cough later she'd managed to clear the juice she'd swallowed the wrong way. Dr. Chakwas was flushed red with a hand clamped over her mouth, obviously laughing hard. The others weren't far behind. There was an immediate flush on his ears but Kaidan took the question like a champ, laughing himself. Once Shepard managed to get a hold of herself, she explained herself to Garrus.

"It was another, less formal, way of asking him to cover me and watch my back."

"I see, Shepard. Thank you. I was worried we had directly disobeyed orders when you were out of sight." A fresh bout of laughter hit.

"Though, I don't see what was so amusing about my question."

"Geez, Garrus, I think we've all come close enough to wearing each other's lunch today. Can you ask me again later?"

"Of course, Commander."

"Thank you."

v

Virmire Debrief

"I can't believe Ash didn't make it. We just _left_ her down there."

"Williams knew the risks going in. She gave her life to save the rest of us."

"I still feel…responsible."

"It wasn't your fault or mine. The one to blame is Saren."

"Maybe…that doesn't change the fact that it was your call."

"I couldn't hesitate, Lieutenant. If I had it would have killed you both."

"I know. And I am grateful, but Ash and Captain Kirrahe's team died…for us."

"They did. And it'll be a cold day in hell when a soldier under my command dies in vain. We need to focus on Saren."

"Commander, I think I may know of a way to determine where Saren is headed," Liara said.

"You want another look at the information from the beacon."

v

"I wanted to see how you're dealing with Ash's death."

"Dealing, ma'am…Sorry for anything I said back there. Adrenaline."

"I understand. I don't like losing people either."

"It's just…Why me? Why not her?"

"I'd never risk leaving you to die. I _couldn't_. You know that."

"Then it was us, Shepard. She died for…_this._"

"Did she die in vain?" Shepard asked. Kaidan put one eyebrow up, taken aback.

"You can be too direct, Shepard. Not that I don't appreciate the honesty."

"Sorry…She was well within the blast radius. It was quick. And I don't plan to leave it to history books to remember her bravery…I didn't come back for you intending to leave her. Without Saren's interference, we all would have made it. All _we _can do now, is learn from it and put the lives she and the Captain saved to good use."

"I hear you…Commander, I've served for years but never lost so many people under my command. This is…difficult. If you don't mind my asking, how did you deal with the losses on Torfan?"

"It was my job to get everyone out safe. I failed. I vowed not to let that happen again. Same here. I'll remember her and I'll do better - for her." Kaidan nodded. Shepard turned to go.

"I'll come by to talk later."

"I'd like that."

v

Figuring Out What We Are

"Thanks, Kaidan. I needed that. Takes the edge off perfectly."

"Ice melts in it pretty quickly, too." Jenna laughed.

"How does a woman like you get here and not have...you know...anyone waiting for you?" Shepard abruptly found herself keenly interested in the contents of her glass. This explanation never seemed to end well. She took in a solid breath and exhaled. The Rubicon's waters ran gently around her feet.

"I was sixteen. There was a boy in school who shared a lot of my classes at the academy and one day he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. We dated for a few months and right after New Years I told him I didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore. I was still a kid. Spending the rest of my life with him wasn't what I wanted. Five months later, I asked him if he was still willing to see me. I thought I had been wrong, and I wanted to be sure. About a month later I was. I was already considering breaking it off and, one day, my sister tells me she needs to talk to me. She's two years younger than me, saying we need to talk. She tells me that while we were dating the first time he'd made advances toward her. She'd also found out he was regularly spending time with another girl from a city nearby. I met him the next day and said we were done. After that I promised myself I would never carry on a relationship with someone unless I could be certain I could trust them."

"You loved him?"

"No. But I wanted to, badly. Looking back on it later, I had a clear idea of myself, standing at the edge of a sheer rock cliff holding his hand. I step off and he lets go of my hand. I'm left fighting to hold on to the edge. I look back over my shoulder and where there was clear, deep water, there's nothing but jagged rock. I knew, had let myself fall in love with him, I would have been ripped to shreds. I've seen monsters right out of a nightmare, lost my sister, and some good friends. Still, nothing in my life has terrified me that way again."

"I can certainly see why you're so cautious about relationships after that."

"A while later, my sister was talking with me about a few men she was seeing at the same time and it seemed to me that he'd done the same thing. She was still talking to me and I was railing against the idea. When I consider seeing someone, there's no one else. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to be treated that way in return. If someone cares more about 'keeping their options open' than they do about me, there's nothing there to begin with. I decided I would never allow myself to be treated that way. I deserve better, and that's how I treat someone I'm with. By that time, I had graduated from the academy, gone into service and I was never in one place long enough or I never pursued it."

Kaidan was stunned. Actually, he was terrified.

"You going to run the other way, Kaidan?"

"No."

"Then help me out. What's going on in there?"

"I'm on the way down, wondering if you're coming or not."

Jenna moved, pulling him into a kiss and saying with the next breath she could catch,

"Gotcha."

v

The Night Before Ilos

"Commander? Do you have a minute?"

"We're a little past ranks, don't you think?"

"We're long past a lot of things. What happens if this doesn't work out, Shepard? I mean, we mutinied, stole a prototype warship. If they wanted to get technical they could throw in kidnapping. We're a hell of an example of humanity's best and brightest."

"If we weren't we wouldn't be here. Still, you'd think someone more advanced would have figured this out by now."

"Yeah. No kidding. 50,000 years and it's down to 25 mutineers? Way to go team Milky Way." Shepard laughed, smiling.

"As long I can see a way forward, I'll keep going. We're not done for yet."

"No, we're not…It's really going to hit the fan when we get to Ilos. If things don't go well, I just wanted you to know I've enjoyed serving under you."

"You know you stopped being a subordinate a long time ago. Don't you think it's time we act like it?"

"Battlefield flirting is one thing, Shepard. There are regs against fraternization. Although, I suppose that will be pretty far down the list of charges at our courts martial. You know what? You're right. I think about losing you and I can't stand it. I mean, the galaxy will just keep going…even the Reapers will come around again…but you and I, we are important right now. This is what will never happen again – us. Shepard, you make me feel…human."

"Bunk here tonight. With me."

"Is that an order, Commander?"

"You walked through that door because you didn't want to spend this time anywhere else. What do you _want_ to do with it?" She stood inches from him. His expression made the question's answer apparent. Almost simultaneously they closed the space between them.

v

Kaidan was breathing heavily as he rested his hand on one of her shaking legs; a tender, steadying touch.

"Not staying in one place…never pursuing anyone…it wasn't just the fear of being in it alone." Jenna shook her head slightly.

"No."

"Self-control…it scares you to let it go." Recovering breath that had been scarce until a moment ago, she answered in a tone so gentle and vulnerable it was hard to believe it belonged to the same person.

"Yeah. It does." Before she could say another word, she was kept mute by a kiss - a grateful acceptance of a gift of trust. Kaidan moved and the reminder of their connection washed away reason.

Her last rational thought before going under: One of the last things she'd held back was one of the first he'd shared.


	3. Mass Effect Extras - Renegade

Mass Effect Extras - Renegade

R.A. Crandall

Fearless. Relentless. Undaunted. Unreserved.

Chapter 1 – Mass Effect

The Mako

"I should arrest you for ignoring road signs, Commander."

"Is that so, _Officer_? They must be poorly placed. I'm not seeing them."

"Really? You missed one just back there. It marked where I abandoned my lunch." Shepard and Alenko laughed. Flying up over the shorthill in front of them with the wheels off the ground for a few seconds Shepard slowed almost instantly when they hit the ground.

"Okay, my stomach felt that. Why do I feel like you're enjoying this, Commander?" Lieutenant Alenko reported.

"I have no idea." Shepard said mischeviously. Shepard sat forward looking up the steep embankment to the right of the Mako.

"What do you think the incline is on that?" she asked Lieutenant Alenko. Leaning in his seat to look out the side window, he answered.

"65 degrees or so." Shepard smiled and took a hard look at the makeup of the ground up face of the hill. Hill being an understatement – more like cliff.

"Who's up for some all-terrain adventures?"

"What? Shepard…no." Garrus said. Shepard grinned and laughed.

"Yeah, rhetorical question. Buckle down, gents." Garrus and Kaidan took the advice. Shepard opened the throttle on full and climbed the hill, finding purchase on every outcropping she could hook the wheels into, pulling them up the hill at an exhilarating speed.

"That was fun," said Kaidan, actually laughing. Reaching the top she hardly slowed and took them along the top of ridge, dancing back and forth between upshoots with surprising ease. Keeping an eye the gradation readouts on the radar she steered them toward a descent that looked challenging.

"Commander, I think that's a cliff."

"Is that so?"

"Ma'am?" said Kaidan, sounding apprehensive. Shepard loved this.

"Ever wonder what it would be like to drop down a cliff with no one driving?" Shepard said, taking her hands off the controls and spreading her arms like wings as the Mako carried them over the edge and the nose dropped down.

"Shepard! Holy…!" Kaidan shouted, bracing himself against the seat. For about 10 seconds they were in a freefall.

"Wuh whoo!" Shepard hooted simultaneously, grinning like a fool. The rear was carrying just a bit too far forward.

"Whoa! Shit!" Shepard said, seizing the controls again and finding purchase on the nearest rocky crag, pulling the nose up and swinging the Mako's rear end down behind them. Going with the slide the Mako was in Shepard pulled hard to port, gunned the engine, and took them down to slightly more level terrain before coming to a stop beside their next radar blip.

"Next time, I'm driving," said Kaidan. Shepard laughed.

"Only if you beat me to the seat, Lieutenant."

v

"That really banged up the undercarriage, Commander." Garrus observed as they exited the vehicle. Each of them stumbled a bit, being back on solid ground.

"As long as the integrity of the armour isn't compromised, Garrus, I don't care how pretty she is." Shepard replied, sorting out her rebellious legs. "Besides, I'll help you square 'er away when we're back on board."

"Next time you can leave me on steady ground aboard the Normandy." Garrus stated.

"Come on, that was nothing compared to zero-g training." Shepard replied, cajoling.

"In case you hadn't noticed, Commander, gravity has it's own disadvantages." Kaidan said, sounding a little unsteady. Shepard laughed.

"You and I define 'disadvantage' a little differently."

"Differences are the spice of life." Shepard smiled. They were going to get along just fine.

v

The Co-pilot's Seat

"Slight seismic activity, Commander. Less than a kilometre." Shepard nodded.

"Well, we're out in open terrain so if the ground does start shaking we should be alright. Shaken, but alright." She ramped up the shock dampeners throughout the drive train.

"Staying in the open, it'll take twice as long to reach the probe." Garrus said. Shepard nodded.

"I might enjoy taking this thing off-road a bit too much, but I'm not keen on winding up under a landslide." Suddenly, Kaidan thought he felt something. It was noticeable this time. Shepard looked at him.

"Felt that."

"Shepard, there's…this is weird."

"What, Lieutenant?"

"The way the activity shows up…I don't think it's tectonic."

"English, Alenko." Kaidan shook his head, laughing slightly.

"I don't think it's the ground moving. I think it's in the ground." Shepard turned away from him and looked out the cockpit window, her expression grave. Something moving registering as seismic activity? Great.

"Garrus, get up top. Keep your eyes peeled."

"Aye, Commander." Garrus said, pulling himself up into the turret, making the gun ready. Shepard turned to point them toward the nearest hills.

"Heading for the foothills. Hopefully bedrock is closer to the surface."

Shepard watched as a red diamond shaped blip appeared on their radar. Crap. Shepard accelerated.

"Talk to me, Garrus!" More of the thing had to clear the explosion of rock and dust before he could say anything useful.

"_Thresher_!" he shouted, opening fire. Shepard put the throttle on full. The Mako bounced and Shepard's heart skipped a beat. Garrus spoke up.

"That was close."

"How close?"

"It's going under," he answered. Shepard exhaled and got her breathing going evenly again. _Close. _A few more seconds and they'd be in the hills. Suddenly the ground a few hundred metres ahead erupted. Shepard hit the brakes and slammed the wheels hart to port while skidding forward. Gunning the engine they made a sharp get-away out of the path of the oncoming thresher maw. Unfortunately, the turn had them heading for open terrain again. Shepard opened the throttle full and turned for the hills.

"Don't. It's moving that way." Kaidan stated. She straightened them out again, weaving some but keeping the same target.

"Double back?" Shepard asked, keeping her eyes on the radar for contacts.

"Don't slow down. On full throttle we move too fast to get caught directly when it decides to come above ground." Garrus said. Shepard had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. It should have come above ground by now. She swerved starboard. From the corner of her eye she could see the ground heave as the thresher emerged no more than two metres from the side of the vehicle.

"_Fetrus_!" Garrus shouted, pulling and holding the trigger. There was no question about where to shoot. A wall of earthworm was all he could see. Kaidan pulled himself forward, bruising ribs against his restraints and laid eyes on its trajectory before dust blinded them.

"Port! Hard!" Shepard turned them out from underneath the worm's massive bulk before it smashed into the ground. Pulling out of the dust, Shepard tried to straighten them out of the last of the leftward skid the Mako kept. The Mako bounced violently.

"Garrus!"

"It fell! Shots straight through the eyes," he reported.

"Is it down?" Shepard demanded.

"No. Burrowing."

"Going for the foothills."

"Did that scare it off?" Garrus wondered. Alenko shook his head.

"Do you get scared or do you get pissed off when a bee stings you?"

"Pissed." Shepard answered.

"No. We didn't scare it off."

"Then where the hell is it?"

"It's probably gone too deep to be picked up." Kaidan laid eyes on the terrain ahead.

"Garrus? You got HE mortars left?" he asked. There was intermittent noise on the seismometer but nothing useful.

"Affirmative."

"What're you thinking?"

"I think we can't pick it up because it's mostly moving in tunnels it carved already, and that crater is right near our path. It can get close and we wouldn't know until it was too late." Shepard didn't hesitate.  
"Pot shot on my go, Garrus."

"Ready, Commander."

300 metres…

230 metres…

190 metres…

"_NOW_!" Garrus took the shot. Another few moments and Shepard swerved starboard wide around the nearest edge of the crater. The thresher shot up out of the crater, making short work of a fair bit of ground between the edge of the crater and the Mako. Bringing it's maw to bear, it descended on the vehicle. The next instant the mortar went off. The thresher's head snapped violently away from the Mako as it fell, nearly cut in two just under ground.

"Scratch one Thresher! Yeah-hah!" Garrus crowed. Shepard and Alenko cheered and laughed. Coming to a bumpy stop near a rocky land formation in the hills, Shepard said,

"Don't know about you, but I want out of this tin can for a minute."

"Right behind you. Lucky the air is breathable." Kaidan said.

v

Shepard pulled herself up out of the top hatch and walked toward the front end of the turret. The top of the vehicle was slick with thresher mush. She took hold of an outcropping on the side of the turret and cleared a handful of gunk off of two of the targeting lenses.

"Let's not do that again anytime soon." Garrus said.

"I second that motion." Shepard replied.

"Have to say, I'm glad it was you driving. A little bit of crazy came in handy." Kaidan said. Shepard laughed.

"And the next time I have to evade from 7-story dirtworm, I don't want _anyone_ else in my co-pilot's seat…"

"Thanks, Commander."

Garrus cleared his throat.

"Is a 'hawk-eye' compliment too lazy?"

"Yes."

"Damn. Nice shootin', Tex. If there's a better shot in the galaxy I haven't 'em yet."

"Damn straight. What's a 'Tex'?" Three took up perches on top of the Mako, laughing.

"Someone from Texas. A place on Earth. They spend a lot of time shooting bottles on fences from a long way off."

"We'll have to try that one of these days…see who's the better shot."

"Anytime, Vakarian. Anytime."

"Garrus, what was that you said when the Thresher Maw came up beside us?" Kaidan inquired.

"Arguably the worst insult the Turian language has to offer."

"You're seriously going to hold out on us with the translation?" Shepard said, prodding. Garrus shook his head.

"Remember – you asked."

"C'mon, Garrus. Give." Kaidan goaded. Garrus cleared his throat.

"The closest thing I can think of is 'a rotting placenta with a fetus inside'."

"Yuck," said Shepard, one side of her lip curled up in disgust, but laughing some. She also wasn't sure she should believe her ears.

"Jeez. That's…_really _foul." Kaidan mused, expression twisted by both amusement and disgust. Shepard nodded.

"Therefore appropriate. Well said, Garrus." Shepard said, effecting the last of the automated repairs remotely via omni-tool. "If I ever need to piss off a turian that'll be handy."

"I wouldn't suggest it." Garrus warned.

"Why not?" asked Kaidan.

"Because they won't blink, they'll just shoot." Garrus answered. Kaidan let out a whistle.

"That bad, eh?" he observed, chuckling. Shepard laughed.

"Well, I'll keep that in mind." You never know when being able to blindingly piss someone off will come in handy.

v

Noveria

Shepard headed for the elevator followed closely by Garrus and Lieutenant Alenko. The doors snapped shut behind them. Wearing a restrained smile, Shepard raised an eyebrow in Alenko's direction.

"'Extranet fetish sites', Lieutenent?" She and Garrus began to laugh, restraining themselves as well as they could.

"Stow it, Ma'am." Alenko replied sarcastically with half a smile on his face. Shepard let out a short but genuine laugh.

"Relax, Lieutenant. I'm in no position to judge." Garrus choked on the air he was laughing with. Shepard and Kaidan glanced at each other and began laughing whole-heartedly. Evidently Garrus wasn't expecting the answer, though he soon managed to go on laughing with them. As the elevator slowed down their mirth cooled off. Shepard took in a deep breath and let it out.

"Shore missions would be no fun without you two." Kaidan shook his head and smiled.

"Your definition of 'fun' has me worried, Shepard." Garrus stated blithely. Shepard looked to Garrus, cocked an eyebrow and donned a dangerous smile as they readied their weapons and exited the lift.


	4. Mass Effect 2 Extras

Chapter 2 – Mass Effect 2

The Greatest Challenge

"Commander."

"What is it, Joker?"

"We're in orbit above the colony." Shepard bit her lip as they stepped apart. Couldn't have been more than 3 or 4 centimetres left to close. Shepard sent orders to Garrus to report to the shuttle bay with her omni-tool.

"Get us into position to drop. T-minus ten."

"Commander, the probe's telemetry…we're too late. It's been destroyed." Shepard shook her head and exhaled.

"Understood, Joker. Drop in T-minus 20. Shepard out." She opened a ship-wide broadcast channel.

"Survey team alpha and security detail make ready to deploy." Shepard closed the channel and headed for the elevator with Kaidan in tow. As the doors closed behind them, Kaidan spoke.

"All this time you think you have…and you can't seem to find it when you actually need it." Shepard smiled and sighed.

"We had a lot less time than we think. Only now, it's not enough."

"It's a tight ship. We won't find the time laying around somewhere." Kaidan observed. Shepard smiled.

"I turned in a shore leave schedule yesterday. One week. Just waiting on approval. But…after the Citadel, half the fleet's ahead of us." The best news he'd heard since leaving the dock.

"I'm a patient man, Shepard." Shepard laughed, feeling grateful.

"I'm not. But I'll bear with it as long as it takes." Shepard looked forward and Kaidan kept his gaze on her, brow furrowed. The elevator doors opened and they stepped out into the shuttle bay. The feeling went straight through the sternum, the centre of the chest, and took root. It was love before. Now it was permanent and unconditional.

v

Tool tray in hand, Garrus stopped, eyes wide in surprise.

"I wondered what was so interesting about that junction box."

Shepard and Kaidan pulled apart slightly. Shepard wore sheer disbelief for an expression as she slowly turned to look at Garrus, the muscles in her neck strung tight. Kaidan gave in to a short laugh, staying close and keeping eyes on Shepard.

"I…jus…wha…fer…" Shepard stuttered and exhaled, shaking her head and letting it fall to rest on Kaidan's shoulder. She put one arm up, hand open, as if asking silently, 'what gives'?

"You're speechless. That's…unusual." Kaidan quipped. Shepard gave him a teasing poke in the ribs.

"Fuck." Shepard said, meeting his gaze, the corners of her terse lips not sure if they wanted to angle themselves up or down.

"Does that have an opposite in your language?" Garrus asked. Kaidan exhaled, eyes going wide at the question, which proved to be a surprisingly well-aimed joke. He started laughing, shaking his head.

"No."

"Well, maybe…it should." Shepard bit her lower lip, smiling, laughing and nodding.

"I hate to do this, but _that_ is the tool locker. And I'd really like to get this job done. Sorry." Garrus said, pointing to a panel on the back wall of the nook. They were blocking access to it.

"Can we make it to the cabin?" Shepard asked. Kaidan gave his shoulders a slight lift.

"I think we better try." Garrus laughed as the two stepped past him.

v

Stepping out of the lift onto the crew deck the two turned directly toward the Captain's cabin. Rounding the bend they ran square into Dr. Chakwas.

"Commander. I've been looking for you. The salvage team found something you should see." Kaidan stepped past the two.

"If you need me, Commander, you know where to find me," he stated evenly, heading for the communications relay.

v

Shepard looked up from the datapad she was handed. Kaidan was passing as she did. Shepard wore a brief look of surprise and they exchanged subdued smiles as they stepped past each other. No more than two steps on…

"Commander? Priority transmission from Admiral Hackett," said Joker. The two stopped dead.

"On my way, Joker." Kaidan looked back over his shoulder.

"Unbelievable." Shepard let out a short chuckle, hands on her hips, shaking her head.

"You wearing a proximity detector?" she asked. Kaidan laughed.

"No. You?"

"Definitely not."

"I don't want to walk away, Shepard," he said. Shepard met his eyes over her shoulder.

"Neither do I," she said and continued walking toward the elevator. Kaidan took in and let out a leveling breath before stepping into the med bay.

v

Kaidan locked eyes with Shepard as she approached from the far side of the crew deck. The mess was empty, the battery doors closed and the doctor was thoroughly engrossed in something on her terminal. He turned away from the communications panel and moved for the Captain's cabin. Shepard jogged up behind him.

"Commander, there's an incoming transmission from the Embassy," Joker informed her. The two stopped cold in their tracks. Kaidan turned to meet Shepard's gaze, muscles in his jaw taught.

"Tell them I've gone ashore."

"Commander?...uh…I already told them you were aboard. The Ambassador has requested Lieutenant Alenko as well." Shepard's eyebrows went up - their luck could be that bad.

"Did he say why?"

"Legal council for the biotics you and the Lieutenant assisted on board the MSV Ontario have asked for an auxiliary debrief."

Shepard and Kaidan looked to each other. Shepard nodded, defeat taking her shoulders down some. The two headed for the elevator.

"They haven't requested Garrus? He was with us."

"No, Commander. Something about a C-Sec officer gone rogue looking bad."

"Assholes." Shepard looked at Kaidan in surprise. "What? We're all thinking the same thing." Shepard and Joker laughed.

"Looks like an eye-catching commendation for our turian brother is in order. We're on the way. Shepard out." Shepard mused, stepping into the lift.

"He's going to appreciate that." The lift doors closed.

"Least I can do." Kaidan exhaled heavily.

"Shepard, don't tell me it's never crossed your mind that all _this_ isn't some kind of…sign." Shepard laughed, putting her hands in her pockets.

"Sure it did. Once. Then I hog-tied the thought, tossed it into an iron cage and sunk it into the deepest pit my psyche has to offer."

"Huh. _Really_. And?"

"I have no idea. Haven't seen or heard from it since." She replied, meeting his gaze and smiling. The smile was contagious. He reached for her hand. She gave it gladly, her eyes holding on to his.

An unsteadying jolt moved the elevator and a deep, rumbling sound echoed inside. Their expressions went cold. The next hit rocked the elevator, throwing the two to the ground.

"Shepard! You alright?" Kaidan said, giving his head a shake and wiping blood from his forehead. He took hold of the rail to keep himself steady as he moved over to her. Her cheek had hit the side of the elevator but no broken skin. No serious damage anywhere else either.

"Yeah." She grabbed the rail and started to pull herself up before Kaidan helped her along. Another hit had them hanging on to the rails like they were dearer than life. The doors opened onto the CIC.

"Get to the hangar. Suit up. Joker! Report!" Kaidan grit his teeth. Shepard dove out of the elevator getting hold of one the CIC's support struts and looking back.

"Not without you!" Kaidan shouted. Shepard smiled despite the control she kept.

"I'm right behind you," she said, running for the next strut.

"Contact! Enemy unknown!" Joker reported.

Kaidan braced himself against the next explosion as he hit the option for the engineering deck with a closed fist.

v

Horizon

"Colony defenses established. Heading to extraction point."

"Rendevous ETA 12 minutes," reported Joker.

Jacob and Garrus reloaded and stepped out to clear the hall while Shepard secured her helmet. Shepard jogged out into the hallway as a static-ridden transmission came in over the communications console.

"...lpha tea...ta...sitions above the landing z..." Shepard heard the last of the transmission and stopped almost instantly. Turning she ran back to the console, heart pounding, waiting for another clear word to come across the channel. Garrus and Jacob had fallen back with her when they realized she had turned around. There was only static.

"The hell are you doing, Shepard?" Jacob demanded.

"The Alliance is waiting for us at the rendevous point." Shepard replied, as she settled herself with the idea of what she planned to do next.

"We'll get to the roof. Joker can pick us up there," stated Jacob. Shepard hesitated.

"I'm going to the landing zone."

"I'm coming with you," said Garrus. Shepard nodded. Picking up her rifle and reloading, she headed out into the hall heading directly to the landing zone.

"Stop!" Shepard didn't falter in the slightest and shouted back, "To stop me you'll have to kill me." Jacob uttered a curse, lowered his gun and ran after Commander Shepard and Garrus.

v

They emerged from the building out onto a deck with waist high concrete rails, one floor up from the landing zone. Taking cover behind the rails, Shepard wasn't sure what to do. A voice sounded over a loud speaker.

"Under Systems Alliance authority you are ordered to surrender your selves."

"Whatever brilliant plan you came up with, you better get on it, Shepard," spat Jacob.

"No plan, just a goal."

"You can't be serious." Shepard cleared her rifle and put each end of it between her thumb and forefingers, raising it over her head. She stood.

"You're insane!" Jacob shouted angrily.

"Mmmn hmmn." Shepard replied, not so far out of agreement as she would've liked to be.

Shepard moved out from behind the rail moving down the stairs as quickly as her legs would carry her. She hit the landing pad and threw the rifle aside, releasing the clasps that made her helmet airtight.

v

"What is he doing, sir?"

"No idea, Chief," the unit Commander replied, not taking his eye away from his sniper scope.

v

The helmet was slower to come off than Shepard would have liked. She leaned forward pulling it off as hard as she could, having to adjust to the brightness of the sun as she stood straight again and looked up.

"Kaidan!" She looked from position to position desperately, hoping to be seen before she was shot.

v

Commander Alenko put up his visor and took a clear look through his scope again. _It wasn't possible. _

"Who is that, sir?"

"A ghost."

"Sir?"

"Hold fire." Alenko ordered, descending the nearest set of stairs as quickly as his feet would get him down. Holstering the rifle as he crossed the landing pad, he drew his pistol.

"Who the _hell_ are you?" he shouted.

"Kaidan, cool down. It's me."

"I saw Jenna Shepard suffocate and die. Who are you? Answer, or your Cerberus friends will have to scrape your brain off concrete." Shepard took a calming breath. He was taking this pretty well, considering. Jacob and Garrus were coming down the stairs behind her. Seeing Garrus beside a man in a Cerberus uniform put Kaidan slightly off balance.

"Kaidan, forget who I'm with. The uniforms we're wearing...don't matter. You and I..._we_ are important right now. I _remember_ us." Kaidan's eyes went wide. He'd said almost exactly the same thing when...he let go of his pistol, dropped his helmet and moved to embrace her. It was her face, her voice, and, misgivings be damned, it was her kiss as well.

"Shepard...how...?"

"Two years and 4 billion credits. They say I'm still every bit who I used to be, but…who really knows?" Kaidan drew away from her a bit more at every word she said.

"Two years. And you act like nothing's changed. I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I loved you…"

"'Loved'…?" There was a flush on his cheeks and anger in his voice. She could feel her temper rising.

"Yes. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Try to let me know you were alive?"

"I'm sorry, Kaidan. I _was_ dead. I've been looking everywhere I could for a way to find you. But…I…couldn't. Until now. Kaidan, nothing _has_ changed. I just thought maybe too much time had passed. Especially if you had moved on."

"I did move on. At least, I thought I did. But now we're getting reports about you, and Cerberus."

"Reports? So much for security." Jacob chimed in.

"Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing colonies. I got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stoned-walled me. But, there were rumors that you weren't dead…and you were working for the enemy."

"So you came to Horizon. Kaidan, the Alliance isn't doing enough to stop the Collectors. With Cerberus I have the ability to act. If I can save enough lives, it's worth a deal with the devil."

"You can't really believe that! We both know what Cerberus is like! What they're capable of. I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive but I never expected anything like this! You've turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

"I haven't! Kaidan, you know me. I would only do this for the right reasons! You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies and they're working with the Reapers. If you want proof I'm still with the Alliance, ask Anderson if the intel I forwarded on Cerberus at Lorek has yielded anything!"

"I want to believe you Shepard. But I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? And they're working with the Collectors?"

"Typical Alliance attitude. You're so focused on Cerberus you're missing the real threat." Jacob admonished.

"You're angry, Kaidan. You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts." Shepard said.

"Maybe. Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. You've changed, but I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."

"Wait."

"What, Shepard?" Shepard stepped in close keeping her voice low and controlled.

"Do you really think you're the only one hurt at being forced apart? I was _dead_. I didn't go back in knowing I was going to die. Why would I do anything but get you out first?"

"You could have."

"No."

"Why?"

"You know."

"Shepard…"

"I'm not saying you don't have _every_ reason to be angry. You can take all the time and space you need. All of it. Just, come with me. Back to the Normandy. It'll be like old times."

"No. It won't. I'll never work for Cerberus."

"You won't be working for Cerberus. You'll be working with me."

"You don't want to believe you're working for Cerberus. There's a difference between belief and truth, Shepard. You left me behind and _now_ you want me to follow you? Not this time."

"This is different. I was gone, Kaidan. You're alive and you're making a choice. You turning your back on me is the last thing I expected if I managed to find you. You might as well take my heart out."

"You don't know how that feels."

"Not yet. But I'm going to, aren't I?"

"I'm not sorry for it."

She couldn't let what she wanted to say next past hers lips. Every fibre of her body was screaming it, but she refused to say it. Kaidan continued walking away.

"Joker. Send the shuttle. Get me the hell off this rock."

v

Nothing else could be said. Shepard realized that some time later. Another sentence and things might have been broken beyond repair. Whether he'd realized that or not…time was the only thing able to tell her that now.

The shuttle was approaching from the south-east.

"You gave the data from Lorek to the Alliance." Jacob said. Shepard turned to him, her gaze intent.

"Yes. Like Kaidan said, I know what Cerberus is capable of. I'm not his. Your 'Illusive Man' knows it. What was it you said the first time we spoke? My boat. My rules."

"All right, Shepard. I hear you. But, Miranda won't be so easy to convince."

"That's my concern. In the meantime you won't say a word about what happened here."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Love and hate are not emotions on the opposite ends of a spectrum. As your capacity to love increases, so does your capacity to hate."

\- Unknown

v

Post-Horizon

Staring herself down in the mirror she knew going into combat in this state was unwise. She made her way down to the cargo hold where personal belongings were tucked away in four foot by two by two foot crates.

Shepard stepped out of the elevator and on to the combat deck. Without so much as a glance at any of her officers she made for the docking hatch.

"Commander! You're just...in...time..." Joker began to say, at a loss for words after the last one passed his lips. Dumbstruck, he watched as the Commander turned sharply toward the hatch.

"I'll be back in a few hours. Keep her hot, Joker."

"Aye, ma'am." Joker sat back in his seat unsure of being able to believe what he'd seen.

"EDI, did I hit my head coming out of that crawlspace?"

"No, Mr. Moreau. Why?"

"I hope the fire suppression system at Chora's is working."

v

Too many lights, too much noise - a voice in the back of her mind - to the point of numbing the senses. That was the idea. Shepard set herself down on a stool, signaling the bartender. Tapping her finger along the bar three times, she watched as the bartender raised an eyebrow, set out three shot glasses, upended each and filled it with a straight shot of vodka. Snapping his fingers in perfectly even timing over each they caught fire almost instantly. Neatly knocking back each shot she raised a few eyebrows. For a specialty drink to tide her over until the next round she entered her order on a nearby console. The bartender nodded and set to work preparing the drink. As the minutes ticked by she could feel the warmth of the drinks begin to touch her cheeks.

She was peripherally aware of a group of turians and batarians down the bar eyeing her with unmistakable animosity. Good. She was suddenly aware of where their gazes were focused. Not on her, behind her. Not unexpectedly, a turian and batarian approached, greeting her with a shove. Luckily she'd put down her drink a moment earlier. She looked at the bartender. He was slowly edging away. Perfect.

"Can't a girl drink in peace anymore?" she said, turning on her stool to face them. One of them stepped in and growled out,

"Look around, human. You're not welcome here." It was true - there were one, maybe two humans in the place.

"Don't suppose there's anything I can do to convince you my money's good here."

"I don't like your stink putting off my friends. Go stink up some other..."

"Shit hole?" Shepard offered. That got his back up. This was going to be too easy.

"Get out, Allliance scum..." One of Chora's bouncers stepped up and gave the talkative turian a shove back.

"Step back, Saris." The bouncer took a step forward. The turian put up his hands, stepped back and turned around holding Shepard with a pointed look.

"Thanks. The clientele in this place has gone to shit since Fist got the boot." The bouncer shook his head. Not only was chivalry dead, seems it wasn't needed. Shepard was up off her chair before the turian came charging back at her. Luckily the bastard wasn't wearing armour. Didn't really matter if you went straight for the face. Apparently those mandibles of theirs were quite sensitive, hit right. Her first blow put the turian on the ground. She took the batarian's legs out from under him. He hit the ground and rolled away from her. Before he could get up off his knees she brought a barstool down on his head. Next thing, a blow came from behind and sent her flying forward over the pile of turian and batarian. She took the chair out from under another customer before she came to a stop. On her feet like a cat dropped with its back to the ground, she redirected the fist coming for her face and, using his own forward momentum, she put his head directly into the edge of the counter. Two down for the count. Maybe three - the turian wasn't back in yet.

One of the group came at her with a knife out. Shepard was wearing a torn and tied t-shirt with her midriff bare and a leather jacket, not armour. Grabbing his wrist, she smashed a liquor bottle from the bar open. She buried the jagged end in the underside of his arm. Two savage kicks to the gut and he went down. She quickly appropriated the knife. This was getting bad. Somebody was going to be killed. Two more came at her and she jumped aside to get some open space to her back. One charged her. Shepard sidestepped out of his line of motion and he carried on past her, tripping over the barstool behind her. His leg hit hers on the way down. In the moment she looked away she took a blow to the jaw. The edge of a chair squarely made contact with her forehead as she went down. _So much for Cerberus' beauty treatments_, she mused.

She'd barely been on the floor an instant when she got hold of the knife again. The turian who'd tripped was up again but not for long. He was in the process of stepping over her when she severed the tendon that ran down the backs of their legs. The knife stuck in bone. She was barely on her feet when she thought she saw a biotic blue fizzle on the edge of her vision. The next instant a gunshot went off behind her. It had gone wild and hit the last batarian standing. Shepard went cold. She went for the turian with the gun, breaking his hand and arm, knocking him onto his back and smashing his face with a nearby bar stool. Blood was running down into her eye now. Someone ran up and grabbed her arm. She grabbed the hand and pulled it forward meaning to use her elbow for a blow to the face.

Jack. It was Jack.

"Let's go!" Jack shouted. Shepard nodded and ran for the door, ignoring the pain in her leg. They collided with C-Sec officers that stepped in when the doors opened. Jack was already radiating a kick.

"NO!" Shepard shouted, holding Jack's arm down. The C-Sec officer grabbed the arm she'd put in front of Jack and yanked it around behind her, securing both wrists in binders. Shepard winced. Jack looked like she was still going to take off but Shepard shook her head. This was the cleanest way out - and the only way to keep Jack close enough at hand that she could keep an eye on her. Didn't need Cerberus trying to get their hands on Subject Zero again.

Jack and Shepard were roughly led away by the C-Sec officers.

v

Before they were even in holding they were being drilled with questions by C-Sec investigators.

"There's an ID tag in my right arm." was the only answer Shepard gave. The investigators gave up and gave them over for processing through into holding. The officer overseeing the induction scanned Shepard for identification and looked up from his terminal like he'd been electrocuted. Shepard smiled. The officer spent a few moments conversing with a superior on the other end of a comm link. He looked to the nearest guard and nodded. The guard put Jack and Shepard into holding cells across the hall from each other. The block was clear of guards before they spoke to each other.

"Guess being a Spectre isn't worth as much as it used to be."

"Can't imagine many Spectres wind up needing to be sprung from a drunk tank."

"Well, I hope you blew off enough steam." Shepard laughed, a sharp pain suddenly flaring up on her right ribs. She pulled aside her jacket. The bullet had nicked her. Fucking hell, that was close.

"Got you, did he?"

"Yeah." Shepard wiped some dried blood clear of her eye.

"Something happen on Horizon, Shepard?" Shepard scoffed in reply.

"That personal, huh? Well, next time you wanna get shit-faced and rowdy bring a wingman."

"Thanks, Jack."

"You owe me for it - a peek at the Captain's stash when we get back on board."

"Done."

v

Not long afterward a pair of officers showed up and let them out of their cells. Shepard called it lucky you didn't have to leave C-Sec to make it to the docks. It had been 5 hours and Normandy was ready to depart when she arrived. She walked aboard, solid as stone. Most people stepped out of her way as if they were avoiding a rabid badger. Joker kept eyes on the Commander as she entered and headed for the elevator.

"Hey EDI, can I ask you for a favor?"

"If it is within my capabilities and does not jeopardize our mission I cannot refuse a request."

Joker laughed. An air of mischief was obvious.

"Awesome."

v

Shepard exited the elevator and made a sharp turn toward the medical bay. Jack stepped out behind her, keeping her distance. Crewmembers in the mess fell silent at the sight of their Commander. Her normally clean-tied hair was hanging wild. With a cut on the chin and forehead that looked likely to leave scars, she looked pretty rough. A bullet hole moved with the folds in her jacket. The eye she could see clearly with was disturbingly focused. The makeup she'd used was dark and bold. Her dark red lip colour was smeared. She'd worn a loose v-neck t-shirt whose arms she rolled up high. She'd ripped it up the midriff and tied it below her chest. The loose jeans she wore had the cuffs turned up and were held in place by a wide belt. There was a rip in the back of the left leg in the midst of a patch of blood.

The med bay doors hissed open and Shepard stepped evenly inside. She leaned heavily against a nearby cot. Dr. Chakwas knew her footstep well enough she didn't have to turn around to know it was her.

"What can I do for you, Commander?" She asked turning away from her terminal. Her eyes went wide when she saw Shepard and Jack. Shepard began to answer but the room took a sudden jerk to the left and faded to black before she hit the floor.

v

Shepard woke, keenly aware of the injuries she'd managed earlier. She sat up and found her eyelids wanting to stay closed again. She rested her head in hand. She was without a shirt and pants and the med bay windows were fogged out. She had a patch on her back and shoulder. Her ribs were tied up and so was her left leg.

"I hear you had fun while I wasn't looking," said Dr. Chakwas. Shepard winced when she laughed. Pain tempered her sense of humour.

"I hope the other guy looks worse." Shepard laughed again, a genuine grimace contorting her face this time.

"Seriously, Doctor, don't make me laugh," Shepard said and sighed. "I don't know how they're doing. One of them took a bullet. He didn't look too lively." Dr. Chakwas gave in to the impulse to give her commanding officer a severe look.

"I wasn't carrying. It was friendly fire. Contact the Med Ward to find out what's happened." Dr. Chakwas nodded, glad the Commander hadn't gone that far over the edge.

"How many were there?" the Doctor asked, ready to don the clan mother cap.

"Uh...I don't...remember most of it. Five?...I think." Dr. Chakwas shook her head. There were more comfortable ways to kill yourself.

"What brought this on, Shepard?" Shepard shook her head and looked away. The mark had been hit - a broken heart. Shepard winced as the Doctor retied the last lengths of the bandage around the bullet graze on her ribcage. The silence in the air was heavy.

"Planning on visiting me regularly, Commander?"

"No. This was a hard lesson was learned the easy way."

"That will need time to heal. Can you allow yourself to be compromised?"

"Not really. Thanks, Doctor."

"Get some rest, Commander. Or I'll make it an order." Shepard nodded, putting her shirt and pants back on carefully. Without adrenaline the wounds hurt like hell. She left and made directly for the Captain's cabin. She opened a small storage compartment in the wall, taking out the bottle of Peruvian whisky inside. She poured two glasses, laughing bitterly when she realized she had. She put one on the table and leaned back on the edge of her desk, watching the liquid in the glass vibrate from the hum of the engine.

A mess of emotions was untangling itself in her heart and she saw something different in her mind's eye every time one pulled itself free of the knot.

_This is what matters right now, Shepard. Us..._

_I'm here for you..._

_All right. I still don't like that you had to tell me that..._

_Ice melts in it pretty nicely, too..._

_I loved you...!_

She stood and hurled the glass in her hand against the far wall with a savage expression on her face. Turning, she smashed a nearby mirror with her bare hand. Her hand came away bloodied and her wrist had taken worse than the mirror. Growling out an oath she leaned heavily against her desk, anger, sadness, resignation and pain all showing in turn on her face. She slowed her breathing and reached for the com button on the display.

"Dr. Chakwas, report to the Captain's cabin."

The doctor must have dropped what she was doing. She arrived unsettlingly quickly or time was passing differently. She stepped into the cabin, seeing Shepard first and the broken glass and mirror next.

"What is it, Commander?"

"It's my...", Shepard began, letting out a despairing laugh when she realized what her next words were going to be, "...my right hand." Shepard seated herself, leaned forward, closed her eyes and rested her forehead on the ridge of her palm. She took in a breath, gently exhaling. Something seemed to have lifted. For a moment her expression seemed to say tears were coming then it subsided into a gentle smile, with affection in her eyes. Dr. Chakwas was carefully picking glass shards out of her hand.

"Wherever you are, Commander, stay there. This is going to hurt a bit longer." Shepard nodded.

"Pass me the drink on the table." Dr. Chakwas smiled and handed her the glass.

"Thank you."

Shepard downed the glass and closed her eyes. Wherever he was, whatever he was doing, there was still warmth here inside her and it was enough.

"To ask why I love you is to ask my advice on the rules of madness." - Unknown

v

Colonization…or War?

"What do you think we should do, Shepard?"

"I think you should try to find a new home world to settle, and ask the council first this time."

"That's...how can you say that, Shepard? You have no idea what it's like to have your planet taken away from you."

"No. I don't. You asked my opinion, Tali. My gut tells me to choose the course that results in the least loss of life, whether we're facing a bigger threat or not. I'm warning you, you're not going to like what I'm about to say but here it is: Attacking the geth would repeat a mistake. There is _no_ guarantee it will succeed. And the Fleet's ability to survive...another war with the geth could wipe you out forever. I don't want the galaxy to lose the single quarian standing in front of me, never mind your entire race. If giving up your homeworld is the price you have to pay to give your next generation a shot at not having to ask these questions for themselves, isn't that a price worth paying? Trying to wipe out a brand new form of life was a mistake. I can't blame - for lack of a better way to say it - fate, for dealing the quarians this hand. I also don't envy you the choice you have to make. A devastating war or the single greatest act of selflessness a collective people may ever undertake. Anyway, for what it's worth, that's what I think."

"Put it like that and it seems like there's only one choice."

"Tali, whatever you decide, I'll understand. I might not agree but I will understand and I'll support you. For now, we have the Collectors to worry about."

"Alright, Shepard."


	5. Mass Effect 2 Extras - Renegade

Chapter 2 – Mass Effect 2

Horizon

"Colony defenses established. Heading to extraction point."

"Rendevous ETA 12 minutes," reported Joker.

Jacob and Garrus reloaded and stepped out to clear the hall while Shepard secured her helmet. Shepard jogged out into the hallway as a static-ridden transmission came in over the communications console.

"...lpha tea...ta...sitions above the landing z..." Shepard heard the last of the transmission and stopped almost instantly. Turning she ran back to the console, heart pounding, waiting for another clear word to come across the channel. Garrus and Jacob had fallen back with her when they realized she had turned around. There was only static.

"The hell are you doing, Shepard?" Jacob demanded.

"The Alliance is waiting for us at the rendevous point."

"We'll get to the roof. Joker can pick us up there." Jacob stated. Shepard hesitated.

"I'm going to the landing zone."

"I'm coming with you," said Garrus. Shepard nodded. Picking up her rifle and reloading, she headed out into the hall heading directly to the landing zone.

"Stop!" Shepard didn't falter in the slightest and shouted back, "To stop me you'll have to kill me." Jacob uttered a curse, lowered his gun and ran after Commander Shepard and Garrus.

v

They emerged from the building out onto a deck with waist high concrete rails, one floor up from the landing zone. Taking cover behind the rails, Shepard wasn't sure what to do. A voice sounded over a loud speaker.

"Under Systems Alliance authority you are ordered to surrender your selves."

"Whatever brilliant plan you came up with, you better get on it, Shepard," spat Jacob.

"No plan, just a goal."

"You're not serious." Shepard cleared her rifle and put each end of it between her thumb and forefingers, raising it over her head. She stood.

"This is insane!" Jacob shouted angrily.

"Mmmn hmmn." Shepard replied, not so far out of agreement as she would've liked to be.

Shepard moved out from behind the rail moving down the stairs as quickly as her legs would carry her. She hit the landing pad and threw the rifle aside, unsnapping the buckles that made her helmet airtight.

v

"What is he doing, sir?"

"No idea, Chief," the unit Commander replied, not taking his eye away from his sniper scope.

v

The helmet was slower to come off than Shepard would have liked. She leaned forward pulling it off as hard as she could, having to adjust to the brightness of the sun as she stood straight again and looked up.

"Kaidan!" She looked from position to position desperately, hoping to be seen before she was shot.

v

Commander Alenko put up his visor and took a clear look through his scope again. _It wasn't possible. _

"Who is that, sir?"

"A ghost."

"Sir?"

"Hold fire." Alenko ordered, descending the nearest set of stairs as quickly as his feet would get him down. Holstering the rifle as he crossed the landing pad, he drew his pistol.

"Who the _hell_ are you?" he shouted.

"Kaidan, cool down. It's me."

"I saw Jenna Shepard suffocate and die. Who are you? Answer, or your Cerberus friends will have to scrape you off concrete." Shepard took a calming breath. He was taking this pretty well, considering.

"Kaidan, forget who I'm with. The uniforms we're wearing...don't matter. You and I..._we_ are important right now. I _remember_ us." Kaidan's eyes went wide. He'd said almost exactly the same thing when...he let go of his pistol, dropped his helmet and moved to embrace her. It was her face, her voice, and, misgivings be damned, it was her kiss as well.

"Shepard...how...?"

"Two years and 4 billion credits. They say I'm still the person I used to be, but…who really knows?" Kaidan drew away from her a bit more at every word she said.

"Two years. And you act like nothing's changed. I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I loved you…"

"'Loved'…?" There was a flush on his cheeks and anger in his voice. She could feel her temper rising.

"Yes. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Try to let me know you were alive?"

"I'm sorry, Kaidan. For two years I _was_ dead. I've been looking everywhere I could for a way to get to you. But…I…couldn't. Until now. I'm sorry. I didn't consider the fact that this might be painful for you. Especially if you had moved on."

"I did move on. At least, I thought I did. But now we're getting reports about you, and Cerberus."

"Reports? So much for security." Jacob chimed in.

"Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing colonies. I got a tip this colony might be the next one to be hit. Anderson stoned-walled me. But, there were rumors that you weren't dead…and you were working for the enemy."

"You wanted to know, so you came to Horizon. Kaidan, the Alliance isn't taking these attacks seriously. With Cerberus I have the ability to act. If it saves even a handful of lives, isn't that worth a deal with the devil?"

"You can't really believe that! We both saw what Cerberus is like! What they're capable of. I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive but I never expected anything like this! You've turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

"Kaidan, you know me. You know I would only do this for the right reason! You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies and they're working with the Reapers. If you want proof I'm still with the Alliance, ask Anderson if the intel I forwarded on Cerberus at Lorek has yielded anything!"

"I want to believe you, Shepard. But I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? And they're working with the Collectors?"

"Typical Alliance attitude. You're so focused on Cerberus you're missing the real threat." Jacob admonished.

"You're angry, Kaidan. You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts." Shepard said.

"Maybe. Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. You've changed, but I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not." Shepard's breath caught in her throat. Loyalties?

"Hold on. 'My loyalties'? All right…" Kaidan turned to face her again as Shepard stepped in close, keeping her voice low and controlled.

"I gave my life to save a man I know we both care for a great deal. You would have done nothing differently in my place. Understand something, I have been trying to find you. Anderson stone-walled me, too. After the words, 'Hello, Ambassador', what do you think the next thing I said was?...'How is Lieutenant Alenko, and where can I find him?' I know _exactly_ where my loyalties lie. Take a guess as to who comes first, no matter where we end up today."

"Shepard…"

"I'm not saying you don't have _every_ reason to be angry. You can take all the time and space you need. All of it. But, come with me. Back to the Normandy. It'll be just like old times."

"No. It won't. I'll never work for Cerberus."

"You won't be working for Cerberus. You'll be working with me. We'll figure this mess out, together."

"Shepard, I will never take any action I know will benefit Cerberus. You left me behind and _now_ you want me to follow you? Not this time."

"This is different. I was gone, Kaidan. You're alive and you're making a choice. Having to let you walk away is the last thing I expected if I ever managed to see you again."

"I'm not sorry for it."

She couldn't let what she wanted to say next past hers lips. Every fibre of her body was screaming it, but she refused to say it. Kaidan continued walking away.

"Joker. Send the shuttle. Get me the hell off this rock."

v

Nothing else could be said. Shepard realized that some time later. Another sentence and things might have been broken beyond repair. Whether he'd realized that or not…time was the only thing able to tell her that now.

The shuttle was approaching from the south-east.

"You skewered Cerberus, giving the Lorek data to the Alliance." Jacob said. Shepard turned to him, her gaze intent.

"Yes. Like Kaidan said, I have seen what Cerberus is capable of. I'm not his. Your 'Illusive Man' knows it. And…what was it you said the first time we spoke? My boat. My rules."

"All right, Shepard. I hear you. But…Miranda won't be so easy to convince."

"That's my concern. In the meantime keep quiet about what happened here."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Love and hate are not emotions on the opposite ends of a spectrum. As your capacity to love increases, so does your capacity to hate."

\- Unknown

v

Coach or Express

"How about 'geronimo'?" Shepard put a hand to her ear, listening for a moment as the mercenary plummeted to his death.

"No? I guess 'ahhhhhhhh!' will just have to do," she said mockingly, waving her arms in the air as she walked back toward Garrus and Liara. She ejected her near-spent cartridge and reloaded.


	6. Mass Effect 3 Extras - Part 1

Mass Effect 3

Mars

"Shepard, I need a straight answer."

"If you want an answer you need to ask a question."

"Get serious. This is business. Do you know why Cerberus is here?"

"Why would I know anything about why they're here?"

"You worked for them, for god's sake. Why would I not think that?"

"I worked with them to take down the Collectors then got the hell out, bringing the Normandy with me."

"There's more to it than that. They rebuilt you from the ground up. They gave you a ship. Resources...!" Kaidan said, stepping in close, staring her down. Looking for something that could serve as proof of truth.

"Let me be clear, if I ever see the Illusive Man I'm going to kill him. He gave the Alliance intel that brought you to Horizon. It was his aim to see anything between us finished, regardless of the risk you'd be 'collected'. Cooperation was a thin veneer. It's been non-existant since. I've had no contact with Cerberus since disabling the Collector base and I have no clue why they're here."

"Commander Shepard's been under constant surveillance since returning to Earth. There's no way they've been in contact."

"Sorry, Shepard, it's just that..." The bay pressurized, drowning out what he was trying to say. Shepard walked away toward the centre of the lift, looking for a moment to cool her head.

"You'll understand if I'm terse about this. Thinking I'm losing you is wearing thin." Shepard said shortly. The elevator carried them up into the rover bay.

v

"Kaidan, trust me...please."

"I do. I'm sorry. Trying to figure out who I'm talking to is driving me a little crazy..."

v

"Get back to the shuttle. If Cerberus beats us to the Archives, I need you to keep them on the planet."

v

Kaidan pulled the face plate on the helmet free of its bracket. His breath caught in his throat. He stepped back, slightly unsettled.

"My god...he looks like a husk. What the hell happened?" he asked. Shepard leaned in for a close look.

"Yeah. Not quite, but they've definitely done something to him."

"By _they_ you mean Cerberus? They did this to their own guy? Is this what they did to you?"

"How the_ hell_ can you say that?"

"Shepard, I don't _know_ what you are - or who. Not since Cerberus rebuilt you. For all I know you could be their puppet, controlled by the Illusive Man himself."

"Really? Kaidan, I'm not...!" Shepard turned away, momentarily holding out her arms in exasperation. She holstered her gun, unsnapped her gauntlet plates and pulled one glove off.

"You gonna hit me with it?" Shepard scoffed. _Sometimes..._

"No. Look, as far as I know..."

"Don't…try to explain it. I don't think I'd understand anyway." Kaidan said, rubbing his temple with the heel of his hand. If anything could cause a headache, it was this.

"Look, all I want to know, is the woman I followed to hell and back, the woman I loved...are you still in there...somewhere?"

Shepard stepped in close taking him by the shoulder and reaching for his face. She gently rested her palm over his eye, running her thumb across his eyebrow and slowly pulling her hand away from his face as she smoothed back a wayward tuft of hair. He knew the gesture.

"Kaidan, you need answers I don't have. I want them, but I'm doing everything I can without. If I knew I was dangerous, you don't think I'd do whatever I had to...to protect you?" Kaidan had his jaw set square, wrestling with doubt.

"Memories just…aren't enough, are they?" Kaidan shook his head, looking toward the transports below.

"Probably not." _They're all I have_, Shepard thought. Moments on, she began smiling, remembering fondly.

"Stubborn as ever."

"Me?" Shepard let herself have a good laugh.

"Exactly...if we keep after Cerberus maybe we'll both get the answers we need." Kaidan shook his head. If nothing else, he was willing to risk a little faith.

"Alright, Shepard. Alright..."

"Alright. Here goes...This is Delta team. Is anyone there?...Come in."

v

Mars Extraction

When the second shot went off Shepard made a dash around the rear of the shuttle, drawing her pistol. The synthetic ripped the gun out of Kaidan's hand as it took hold of him by the helmet, hoisting him into the air.

"Put him _down_!" Shepard shouted, looking for any clear shot. Kaidan took hold of the synthetic's arm, lifting himself up into position to breath. He had one leg planted on her hip, bringing the other up to help free himself. Shepard let off a well-aimed shot at one of her legs.

"Kill them." The order came in over the synthetic's comlink. The machine didn't hesitate. She turned and slammed him against the shuttle hull with bone-shattering force. He let go like a puppet with cut strings. Shepard let off two more shots aimed at the synthetic's back while it was angled away from its captive. The synthetic pulled him forward and after a quick pair of blows, threw him aside.

"Kaidan!" The synthetic turned on Shepard and Vega. Gone cold, Shepard took aim at her centre of mass and opened fire, not intending to stop until the clip was empty. Just out of arms's reach, the synthetic stumbled and dropped, unmoving. Breathing again, Shepard ran for Kaidan.

"Grab that thing. Get it on board!" Shepard ordered. She went to one knee beside Kaidan. Leaning over him, she could see his eyes wide open but blank through the helmet's cracked glass. Shepard attached a dose of medi-gel to an emergency injection port, releasing it into his system. Joker came in over the comlink as the Normandy moved into position.

"Commander! We have Reaper signatures in orbit!" _Shit_, she thought. Shepard took hold of his near arm, sat him up and slung the arm over her shoulder. Standing him up, before the leg she'd stood him on could change position and give out, she put a shoulder under his hip and slung him over her shoulders. She ran for the Normandy as fast as she could with a 200 plus-pound soldier on her back. She was the last to board. Shepard knelt to keep from rolling out of the cargo bay as the hatch came up.

"Joker! Go!" she shouted, breathing labored, heart pounding. If she didn't know her heart could withstand worse she would have been afraid it might give out. The hatch sealed shut and Joker took off. James had tossed off the synthetic and gone for the stretcher hanging on the nearest wall. It would be just over a minute until they were clear of the atmosphere and into FTL. Every second mattered. James put the board beside her. Shepard let go of his wrist and carefully brought Kaidan off her shoulders.

"Security detail to the shuttle bay." James ordered on ship-wide broadcast.

"Grab him," she said. James took hold of Kaidan's opposite arm and guided him down. She and James set to getting him strapped down and immobile.

"Liara, keep his head still." She held his head in position, lifted slightly up off the stretcher. With only the torso straps left Shepard moved on to getting his neck supported. Pulling the cap plates free of their brackets she interfaced her omni-tool to the suit's system, activating and pressurizing the gel cushions in the armour plating around the neck. Liara let go as they held him in place. Shepard slid the head brace down and latched it into place under his helmet. The support went rigid when she did.

The Normandy went steady as they left the atmosphere and artificial gravity kicked in. James grabbed the head of the stretcher and Shepard went for the feet.

"Medbay. Let's go."

The security detail filed out of the elevator.

"Secure that synthetic. Bring it up to the medbay." Shepard ordered. They moved Alenko into the elevator.

"Shepard, he needs a doctor." Liara said, as she folded the supports back under the stretcher. Shepard nodded and opened a channel to Joker.

"Joker."

"Commander?"

"Get us to the Citadel like your life depends on it. Someone's does." Her voice cracked.

"Yes, ma'am."

v

Shepard and James set themselves in position beside the nearest bed. James switched around his grip.

"2…1…now," he said. Shepard moved with him and let go of the stretcher when it was centred on the bed. She shucked her helmet and gauntlets in moments.

"Medi-gel in the cabinet to your left." Shepard said to James. He nodded and went for it. He gave the first and began to keep time until the next. Shepard set about removing Kaidan's damaged face plate and breather.

"Shit," she whispered, as it came free. "He's bruising that badly that fast." There was thinned blood coming from his nose. Shepard held the LED under her wrist over his eyes. No movement. No pupil response. There was blood in the white of one eye. She grabbed an empty petri dish nearby and held it over his face. Almost nothing condensed. She put the faceplate back on. The seal was good. She grabbed the oxygen hose at the head of the bed and turned on the flow. She latched it on to an undamaged emergency induction port on the chest plate.

The security detail came in with the synthetic. Shepard looked to Liara.

"See what you and James can learn from that thing." Liara nodded. James moved and flipped the thing over, looking for data ports. Shepard pulled up her omni-tool's display. Oxygen levels inside the suit were going up and blood oxygen levels were slowly going up. James looked her way.

"Time," he said. Shepard nodded and moved to the other side of the bed, picking up a dose of medi-gel. She tried to line it up with the injection port but failed. Joker contacted her over the Normandy's comm system.

"Priority transmission from Admiral Hackett, Commander." Shepard didn't answer. She tried to hook up the dose again. Failure.

"Shepard." Liara said, walking up behind her and putting one hand on her arm, holding out a hand. Shepard handed her the dose and stepped back, giving her shaking hands a shake and clench. Liara administered the dose with a steady hand.

"On my way, Joker." Shepard answered, jogging out of the med-bay heading to the QEC.

v

The connection to Admiral Hackett closed and Shepard made directly for her cabin. She secured her armour in the locker and went to the bathroom to wash her hands and face before going back down to the medbay. Her hands were trembling under the warm water. The lack of a look to his eyes flashed before hers at the smell of blood coming off her hands. It took on the smell that had come out of the suit when she removed his faceplate and her stomach took her by surprise. Holding tight to the side of the sink she kept the bile down as long as she could. In the end an involuntary contraction of her abdomen won.

v

Shepard stepped into the medbay, eyes red, and cheeks still flushed. Liara looked up from her omni-tool.

"Still with us?" Shepard asked. She nodded.

"Joker, how long until we reach the Citadel?" Shepard asked over the comm.

"7 minutes."

"Make sure Alliance control has a medical team is waiting to board when we get there."

"Aye, Commander."

"Is the report ready?" Liara nodded, holding up the datapad on the cabinet beside her and sliding it under Kaidan's leg. Liara stepped around the bed to stand beside Shepard, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Shepard, he's going to make it." Shepard looked on Kaidan and frowned, eyes narrow. His chances were slim when it happened. Every moment that passed they got worse.

v

Stabilized – Huerta Memorial

"Kaidan…maybe you can't hear me, but since you can't tell me to get the hell out, either, you'll just have to listen. I was upset, on Mars, and I'm sorry. You had…_have_ every reason to be cautious of me. I mean, the questions you asked were just the easy ones. Imagine waking up every day, looking at your own face in the mirror and wondering if it's real. Wondering if you're actually in charge of every thought you have, and every decision you make - or not. It changes you, and not for the better. You were right. I'm not the person you fell in love with. Not entirely, anyway. I'm really hoping what you'll recognize is enough, and that you might still be willing to take a chance on what's changed.

You know, it took me a while, and the mornings where I wake up and I'm not sure still aren't gone…All I can tell you, is…holding on to what I feel for you helps me know I'm still human. Don't go anywhere without me. If you do, you'll be taking that with you. And I won't stay sane without it."

Her right leg was shaking like it wanted to run away on its own. Taking time to ease down she brought the twitch under control. The Council might be waiting by the time she reached Udina's office. She stood leaning over Kaidan and lightly touched cheeks.

"Fight for your life. That's an order," she said, putting all the care and force of will she could into her tone.

One of the doctors walked in, standing silently to the side. Shepard stood and walked toward the door.

"You'll let me know if there's anything I can do." The doctor nodded.

"Of course, Commander."

"When you can feel, then you're alive. When you don't feel, you're not." - Nelson, Life on Mars

v

Reunion – Huerta Memorial

_Kaidan,_

_I don't hold anything said at Horizon against you. I won't insult you, by trying to convince you I can empathize with what you've been through. I think I might understand it, though. Someone once told me that love and hate are not emotions on opposite ends of a spectrum. As your capacity to love someone increases so does your capacity to hate. _

_In the time since I woke up in the middle of a firefight on an operating table at a Cerberus facility, I realized I've spent this time trying to navigate dark water, with nothing to get my bearings from. Your letter..._

_You gave me the bearing of my home harbor again. Thank you. It reminded me that this isn't _the_ Normandy, it's just a port of call._

_I'm glad you stayed with the Alliance, at Horizon. I need someone there. Someone I can trust beyond any measure of doubt, who can stay out of Cerberus' reach. I don't know what kind of person stopping the Collectors is going to make me into...if even I can't remember the person I used to be, I want someone to._

_I can't believe I'm writing this on paper. I refuse to put it anywhere Cerberus can find it._

_In any case, I'll be careful, I promise. My thoughts - and my heart - are with you, even if I can't be. _

_Kaidan, I can't wait for the day you get to read this._

_Love,_

_Jenna_

v

Shepard walked into the med bay, a box wrapped in blue paper in hand. A nurse stopped her asking her to identify herself.

"Commander Shepard. I'm here to see Major Alenko."

"He's still asleep..."

"I won't wake him. I'd just like to leave something for him."

"Certainly. He's right through there." The nurse replied, pointing to the doors at the end of the hall. Shepard nodded gratefully and smiled. Shepard went into the room, its glass wall darkened to keep out the glare of city lights - bright as day even at night. Shepard went over to the bedside table and silently set the package down. She watched the heart rate monitor spike and fall with almost perfectly regularity. Taking a deep breath she stood still and closed her eyes listening to the rythymic sound of the monitor beep. Better be careful, she thought, or I'll fall asleep standing here. Taking another deep breath to bring herself back up, Shepard smiled on Kaidan affectionately and stepped out of the room. She thought for a moment she heard him say her name, but she kept walking, sure she'd imagined it. Or not. She heard her name again. She stopped in place for a moment, eyes wide, then turned back.

She opened the door enough to look through.

"Kaidan?"

"Shepard." Shepard smiled and stepped into the room. She wheeled the bedside chair closer to the bed and seated herself.

"Did you leave this?"

"Yeah."

"Can I open it?"

"Sure. Why not?" Shepard picked up the present and handed it to him.

"You've spent months working with Cerberus. I turned my back on you at Horizon. Should I be worried?"

"It's not going to detonate. Open it." Jenna smiled and leaned back, putting an ankle to rest up on her knee. Kaidan opened the box and lifted out a decorative bottle branded from a vintner in the Okanagan Valley, British Columbia.

"Ice wine. Wow, Shepard, I don't know what to say."

"My favourite. Thought you should know."

"I'll remember that. We can crack it open to celebrate getting out of here." Kaidan fingered the card and looked at Shepard as she took the bottle and box and set them on the bedside table again.

"I wrote that the day I received your letter apologizing for Horizon. I wanted to wait until we'd really patched things up, but, hell, there are too many reasons that may never happen. So..." Shepard put a hand out as if to say 'go for it' and looked away. Kaidan frowned and open the envelope. His expression softened as his eyes moved down the page.

"Jenna...you never...I mean, Garrus...I know you two are close..."

"Sure, Garrus. He's half the reason I'm still here. Kaidan, if you were my right hand, Garrus was the left. But, the way it was is the way it stayed." Jenna explained, leaning forward, resting her elbows on the edge of the cot. Kaidan let out a breath and let his head fall back onto his pillow. He reached out a hand, looking for hers. Jenna took it. She put a kiss on the back of his hand.

"Kaidan, whatever you think about this...tell me. I don't want it to go unsaid."

"You know, you've never told me you love me. There are things you say, and I know it's what you mean, but those three words...haven't heard those."

"I don't want to say when it could be just an obligatory response. I want it to just...happen. It may mean that, one of these days, you're going to have to give me the chance to say it first."

"Shepard...you are...!" Kaidan started to say, incredulous. Jenna's eyes went wide and she sat back slightly, keeping a hold on his hand.

"Out with it." Jenna challenged him. Kaidan let out an exasperated breath and shook his head.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I don't have words adequate to say it." Shepard rolled her chair up closer to the head of the bed.

"Kaidan, I'm in. No way out." He turned to look at her.

"'No way out', eh?" Jenna shook her head, smiling, and answered.

"None." Kaidan rolled his head to the side, facing her. He reached for her cheek and gently nudged her closer. Shepard took the hint a bridged the rest of the gap. Before she knew what was happening again she needed air. She backed away from him, taking a deep, content breath. As she did the lights from inside the clinic went dim. The nursing staff had made the windows a one-way mirror looking out.

"Looks like that's my cue. I'd better go." Shepard stood, rolling the chair back to where it had been. She relaxed her grip on his hand but he didn't let go. She stood still, waiting for Kaidan to say whatever he was wrestling with.

"Jenna..." Shepard stepped back to the bedside, holding his hand as securely as he was hers.

"...don't leave."

Jenna's eyes went wider in surprise. She quickly glanced around the room and out toward the nursing station.

"I should..."

"Hold on. You can steal the Alliance flagship, not batting an eye, but when I ask you to break hospital visitation protocol..." Jenna put a finger to his lips.

"I should find a pillow."

"Oh." Jenna let go of Kaidan's hand. In the second cupboard she opened she found a pillow. She settled herself into the doctor's chair again, taking her jacket off and putting it over her shoulders like a blanket. She put the pillow on Kaidan's lower midsection, meaning to rest her head just above his hip. She pressed down on the pillow gently.

"That hurt?" Kaidan shook his head. She seated herself facing the head of the bed. Putting her hand underneath his she let him take hold of it and rest it wherever he was comfortable. She hiked her jacket up over her neck and laid her head down.

"Promise me you won't leave."

"Wild varen, Kaidan. Wild varen." Kaidan laughed and moaned when he tensed the wrong muscles. Before long the heart rate monitors had Kaidan in a deep sleep. Shepard brought herself out of the nap she was in. She tried to slide her hand out of his and when she moved him in the slightest, the heart rate monitor would start to read erratically. She sighed, resigned. It was only a few more tries before she gave in.

"All right, Endymion. As you wish," she whispered, snuggling into the pillow and letting herself plummet headfirst into her night's rest.

"...She was amazed to discover that when he was saying, 'as you wish', what he really meant was, 'I love you'." - The Princess Bride

v

Shepard woke up quite suddenly, sitting straight up. The sun was bright in the window, but low on the horizon. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and had to wipe saliva away from the corner of her mouth with the heel of her hand.

"Euch. Gross," she said, standing and stepping on her jacket with her first step. Oh. So that's where it went. Jenna shook her head to clear away the last of the sleep clinging to her and yawned. She walked over to the sink and rinsed the cotton balls out of her mouth. She washed her hands and rinsed her entire face, leaving a thin coat of cold water on it to soak in. She returned to Kaidan's bedside to find him just opening his eyes. Picking her jacket up off the floor she put it on, grateful for the extra bit of warmth.

"Morning," said Shepard, smiling and stretching her arms out as she sat down again. The chair had quite the impression in it.

"Morning." Shepard fixed Kaidan with a loving gaze and stayed silent.

"What are you thinking?" Kaidan asked. Jenna smiled and giggled.

"I'm thinking I haven't slept that well since...Ilos. I'm also feeling a little silly about the fact that even being a galactic hero isn't enough to keep you from drooling on a pillow when you sleep on it face down." Kaidan laughed with her hard enough that he was in tears more because of pain than humor. Kaidan let a particularly pronounced wince show on his face and Shepard looked toward the nursing station. She saw a doctor coming toward the door.

"Good morning, Commander. Major."

"Good morning, Doctor," Shepard answered. She looked at Kaidan with concern. The doctor walked over to the bedside and, after a brief look at the chart hanging by the head of the bed, entered a dosage for the medication Kaidan was on and dispensed the dose into his drip.

"No. No more medication." Kaidan said. Jenna stepped back and let go of his hand.

"This is a small dose. The most it can do is mellow you out. It won't put you to sleep. You're making good progress, Major. We'll start to step you down off your dosage of painkillers tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, Doctor, but, what time is it?" Jenna asked.

"It's 5:13."

"Shoot. I have to go, Kaidan. Udina is expecting me at the embassy at zero six."

"Don't be a stranger, Commander." Kaidan said, turning to face her with a contented smile on.

"Get yourself fixed up quick. I need you."

"Can do." Jenna smiled and nodded. She looked to the doctor and departed with a respectful nod in his direction.

For the beloved, there is no gentler call to waking than the dawn. - R.A. Crandall

v

The Evacuation

Garrus watched as the surveillance monitors cycled through the section cameras looking for the evacuating council members.

"Commander. Udina and the council members are heading for the landing pad. Major Alenko is with them."

Jenna stood unmoving as understanding rolled her over like a thresher maw coming up under her feet.

"I'm going to skin him alive."

"Commander?"

"Who better to promote as the second human Spectre than the perfect human shield?" Garrus looked back to the monitor. This could go very badly, very quickly.

Jenna reloaded her rifle and took off sprinting down the hall with Kasumi and Garrus close behind her.

"Garrus! You're my long arm." Shepard shouted as they approached the doors to the landing pad.

"Understood." Garrus put away his pistol and readied his sniper rifle. The landing pad doors hissed and snapped opened. Shepard's team moved out into the light.

Kaidan moved himself between Udina and Shepard. All right, thought Shepard, two can play at this.

"Shepard, the hell is going on?...Put the gun down."

"Kaidan...It's Udina I'm here for." Jenna took a deep breath, and lowered her gun. She slowly moved away from Garrus, forcing Kaidan to point his gun at either or. Kaidan kept his weapon trained on her.

"...Come on, Kaidan. Step back for a second. Who better to have at his beck and call than the one person in the _galaxy _I WON'T SHOOT?!" Kaidan opened both eyes wide. He lowered his gun slightly. Shepard sprinted toward Kaidan putting her shield up. She locked herself into Kaidan's arms, firmly holding his gaze as two shots rang out. Kaidan may have kept himself between her and Udina but Garrus made the shot. Udina was hit and fell limply to the ground. Shepard blinked as her vision started to lose focus. She let go with one arm and wrapped it around Kaidan's neck as firmly as she could. Kaidan dropped his gun, using both arms to hold her up.

"No." he breathed. No, no, no, he thought. He laid her down, almost dropping her and ripped open the concealed compartment in her armour where a medi-gel and stimulant cocktail could be found. Her breathing was going quiet. He twisted the cap off, extended the needle and attached it to an emergency injection port on her upper thigh. When the needle from the injection went through her skin, Shepard let out an enraged howl of pain, momentarily alert. Shepard caught her breath and looked to Garrus.

"Take Udina into custody!" she shouted at him. Garrus moved past them and sprinted down the gangway to arrest Udina. Shepard leaned forward into Kaidan's arms and coughed, blood spattering her helmet and the deck.

"Normandy? Come in." Shepard forced out weakly.

"Normandy." Joker replied.

"Med evac. Platform Delta 2-1. Now." She coughed again.

"Coming, Commander. ETA four minutes."

"Four minutes...out." Shepard said. She felt her body relax. Kaidan lifted her over his shoulder and ran for the landing platform. All sound went quiet and her sight dimmed to black.

v

Shepard opened her eyes and shut them again, cringing from the bright light overhead. There were tears in her eyes.

"Kaidan."

"You're on the Normandy, Commander. Major Alenko isn't here." Dr. Chakwas told her.

"Where is he?" she asked, desperately afraid he'd been left behind.

"The CIC." Shepard couldn't keep her eyelids open. All went dim again.

v

"Commander, we have a request to board."

"Who?"

"Major Alenko." Jenna set down what she was doing and jogged to the docking hatch. She opened the hatch and stepped out into the decon bay, closing the door behind her. She fixed him with the same fierce gaze she'd worn at the landing pad. After some moments she turned her back on him, standing herself at attention.

"Shepard...?"

"Fall in, Major." It took him a moment, but he worked it out. He lined himself up to her heels and perfectly faced about, stepping backward to position himself heel to heel closely as he could.

"Permission to come aboard, Commander."

"Granted, with one condition." Kaidan looked back over his shoulder at the Commander.

"I am never to find myself staring down the barrel of a gun in your hands again. Understood?"

"Understood, Commander. I have your back." He felt her lean back against him gently.

"And I've got yours." Jenna stepped out of form and reached for the entry console. The hatch opened wide. Shepard nodded respectfully and with a permissive gesture said,

"Welcome aboard."

v

Udina's End

"Commander, I haven't seen Ambassador Udina since we came on board."

"He's in holding in preparation for interrogation."

"You mean torture."

"I mean interrogation. What he gives us without duress is up to him."

"Commander, I must object to your methods of..."

"Object?" Shepard cut in. "This isn't the citadel tower, councilor. This is my vessel. If you take issue with this, I'll gladly show you out the airlock."

"I see." Joker's voice came in over the intercom as the councilors turned to go.

"They're ready in the cargo hold, Commander."

"On my way." Shepard exited the briefing room followed closely by Major Alenko. One of the councilors sought his attention but he clearly ignored him.

v

"Have everything you need, Zaeed?"

"On your order, Commander."

"I demand a trial. You can't do this and get away with it, Shepard!"

"This has nothing to do with justice, Udina. You are going to tell us everything you know about Cerberus, the Collectors and the Reapers, willingly or not, then you're going to die."

"Shepard, you don't need to do this." Kaidan said. Zaeed stood back a half step, regarding Alenko with one eybrow quizzically raised. Shepard put herself toe to toe with Kaidan.

"Here's the other option. _I_ spend the next day enjoying flaying him alive. To hell with anything useful he might say. He sold out humanity for a seat of power that won't exist long enough to get warm, now that the Reapers are here. He put you in my crosshair. This man's last moments are mine." Kaidan was taken aback. Shepard turned to Zaeed.

"I want everything he knows. I don't care how it's done." Zaeed nodded.

"Aye, Commander." Shepard nodded and left the cargo hold. Alenko was close behind her.

"Commander." Shepard took a deep breath and stopped, not turning around. Kaidan frowned. He suddenly felt, for the first time since he'd known her, that there was nothing he could say. The silence in the air was leaden.

"You're the one whose life was put in jeopardy. His ultimate fate is up to you." Shepard turned to face him. They heard Ambassador Udina scream. She saw Kaidan flinch. He watched, deeply unsettled, as she remained unmoved. Shepard turned and headed for the elevator, riding it up to the CIC alone.

v

Zaeed had forwarded verified and relevant information before the first hours were up. The Alliance had regrouped and was planning its next action. Some time later, Shepard retreated to her quarters to review the places it was thought allies had gone to ground to see which were worth pursuit. Her cabin door opened letting in footsteps she knew.

"Is this a good time, Commander?" Shepard put a hand over her eyes and gave her head a slight shake.

"We've gone back to you asking for my time. That's bad." she said, turning around wearing a somewhat saddened expression. Kaidan managed a half-smile, but it was genuine.

"I'm glad you feel that way. I was concerned." Shepard turned the other seat at the desk around and pushed it in his direction. Kaidan took the seat.

"It took you a while to come back up top." Kaidan nodded.

"I…didn't want to leave. Maybe not in large part but a significant part of why that's happening to him has to do with me. I couldn't walk away until I felt I understood why. I think I understand why you're angry enough want this." Jenna shook her head.

"I'm not angry at him, Kaidan. That's like getting mad at a snake for jumping out of the grass and biting you - something it was designed to do naturally. He is who he is, always has been. He deserves what he's getting…Still, I am _furious_ with myself. If I'm doing this to get to anyone, it's me. I should have seen how this would happen sooner. I failed to, and you ended up in my sight because I failed. Organic life in the galaxy could have taken one step closer to extinction because of his politics, and I'm partly to blame." Kaidan's expression softened. He took hold of Jenna's hand.

"Anderson, you, me, we all thought this promotion was an ace in the sleeve. There was no way to see this coming. In the end, Shepard, I'm the one who swallowed the bait." Jenna couldn't help herself, wondering, _how do I deserve to find someone like him?_ She nodded, in no way at odds with anything said.

"Whatever the reason I'm doing this, we need everything he knows. Zaeed will get it from him." Jenna leaned back in her chair, setting her elbow on the armrest and covering her eyes with her free hand.

"I know." Kaidan put a hand on her cheek, trying to let her know she could come out of hiding. She put her hand down and he guided her into looking directly at him.

"I also know there's a woman in there who still believes mercy is necessary even if it isn't deserved." He let go of her and leaned back in his chair. Jenna took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, batting her eyelids as if she could suddenly see clearly after coming out of the fog.

"Mercy..." She hesitated a moment then stood, putting her hand on the inside of Kaidan's leg by his knee and giving him a gentle stroke before letting her fingers trail away as she walked past him. He smiled and stood, following her out of the cabin into the elevator.

v

"Ah, Commander. Your timing is perfect. Udina just passed out. Noisy piece of shit." Zaeed said. Shepard walked over to the chair Udina was strapped to, unaffected by the altered state of the man restrained there. The smell in the room was unique. A corpse in battle had a smell. This was different. Worse. Kaidan had come in behind her. Zaeed fixed his stare on Kaidan.

"Have you...changed your mind, ma'am?" Shepard stepped back to where the security monitor sat and put a small syringe and a case with four others in it, down on the table.

"Four for pain and a kill shot. Courtesy of Dr. Chakwas. Give him as much clarity and comfort as you can before he dies." Zaeed raised an eyebrow and regarded Commander Shepard uncertainly.

"When you beleive you're done, not before." Shepard said. Zaeed nodded, surprised, not only by her decision but by how well he agreed with it. Zaeed turned away from them wiping blood from his hands before seating himself on the table and taking a stiff drink and bite to eat from the rations he had sitting out. Shepard left the hold with Kaidan close behind. She heard his footsteps slow behind her.

"Shepard." She slowly came to a stop. Kaidan stepped up behind her. He gently put a hand on her arm. She didn't want him to see the expression she was wearing. He gripped her arm with a little more pull. She turned part way and he stepped around beside her. The next breath she took in wavered. Kaidan put a tentative kiss on the corner of her lips and put his arms around her. The walls came down. Jenna held to him tight, the two leaning back against the bulkhead with no space whatsoever between them. Every breath she took said something painful had a hold on her heart. Kaidan put a hand up on her neck and held her close to him. Each nuzzled into the crook of the other's neck and before long, time fell away, leaving the two as they were. Neither knew how long they stayed that way.

v

"Glad you could join the waking again, Udina."

"There's nothing else. I swear to you…"

"I know."

"Then why…?"

"Are you awake? Because this is the fun part." Zaeed sneered. If Udina hadn't emptied his bladder long ago he would have. He cringed, childlike.

"God, no. Please…" Zaeed circled the chair, enjoying the instinctive cower Udina adopted when he walked out of his sight.

"In a few minutes, Udina, you can ask him for mercy in person."

"You can let me go…" Zaeed laughed. He punched the man square across the jaw, spattering blood on the far wall, bloody pieces of skin clinging to the armour on his hand.

"Disgusting coward. You're a lucky man." Zaeed said with terrifying menace. "Millions across the galaxy will suffer in ways you still can't imagine, but the mercy you keep asking for has _found _you."

"Lucky…how?" Udina managed to say, blood gurgling in his throat. Zaeed circled to the back of the chair. From behind, with snakelike speed, Zaeed reached around the head of the chair, roughly taking hold of Udina's jaw. The man whimpered.

"Because if it were up to me, I would keep you alive as long as humanly possible and take you apart piece by piece. When death couldn't be avoided, I would pump acid into your flesh, melt it off your bones and relish every last one of your dying shrieks. I've seen it done to a man, Udina. The sound isn't human, and it still haunts _me_." Udina shuddered uncontrollably. Zaeed stepped back and took a deep breath. He wheeled a small medical cart in front of the chair, where Udina could see it.

"You're lucky…because a woman I respect, disagrees with me." On the table sat an open box that once contained four syringes. It now had only three. Another sat alone beside it.

"Some minutes without pain, time to reflect, and a quiet death. Because of her, this is what death looks like for you. Face it with the dignity you don't deserve."

v

Commander Shepard and Major Alenko stood beside the chair. Zaeed had made the room clean with startling ease and speed. Udina had been covered with a soft cotton sheet and given relief from any pain. The door to the cargo hold opened. Commander Shepard turned expectantly. Miranda approached her and handed her a small device. She nodded gratefully.

"Thank you, Miranda. Your timing is perfect."

"You're welcome, Commander." Miranda replied.

"Leave us for a minute." Shepard said. She fixed Kaidan with a solemn gaze and nodded. He stepped out into the hall behind the others. Shepard stood herself in front of Udina. She looked him in the eyes as well as she could. There wasn't much left of one, but after the choices she had made she had no right no look away from what she was responsible for.

"Would you like to say anything before we proceed?" she asked. Udina opened his good eye.

"Looking for profound remorse, Commander?"

"No. If there's anything you need to say, say it."

"Why?"

"Because last words are a human right. You're fortunate someone's around to hear yours. They can be said in absolute confidence if you wish." she said, holding the device in her hand where Udina could see it. He fixed his gaze on the device and nodded.

"How can I trust that no one will know what I say?"

"Have I ever been untrue to a word I've said to you?" Udina looked away and considered his answer.

"No." Shepard nodded and activated the device.

v

With Miranda and Kaidan at her side again, Shepard directed a slight nod toward Zaeed. He picked the last syringe up off the cart and extended the needle. He had set up an IV going into an arterial vein he had carefully left in tact. Udina was dead before he took the needle out of the line. Commander Shepard nodded.

"Job well done," Shepard said. Miranda nodded in agreement.

"Thoroughly impressive work, Massani. You managed to bypass any conditioning indoctrination had ingrained. I'm glad it was well documented. It will provide invaluable insight into how to work with other indoctrinated subjects."

"I say it was soft of you, Commander…still, I'm glad to have been of service." Kaidan stepped forward and pulled the sheet up over the ambassador's face.

"We should announce this," he said, not as dispassionate to the situation as he would have liked to be. Shepard nodded.

"I will." Shepard turned to go then stopped, turning back to Zaeed.

"Get yourself cleaned up. Report for duty after you're rested. I'll have him squared away for disposal."

"Aye, ma'am."

v

"Attention, guests and crew of the SSV Normandy. At 02:18 hours, Donnel Udina, former human ambassador under the Systems Alliance, died by lethal injection following 36 hours and 22 minutes of interrogation. All documentation of intelligence and evidence regarding criminal offenses committed by the Ambassador has been forwarded to Alliance command. Having been denied an open trial, a review of the actions of the sanctioning officers – Shepard, Jenna A., Commander, Commanding Officer, SSV Normandy and Alenko, Kaidan R., Major, Second in Command, SSV Normandy has been submitted to Systems Alliance command. Review of the case has been suspended under an emergency stay of prosecution. Cremation and burial are to take place at 09:00 hours. All councilors and senior officers will be in attendance."

v

"You did it. Put us up for a court marshal…Not the reason I imagined we'd be facing one for."

"You agreed."

"I do."

"I can't pretend what I did was right. I refuse to be seen as a saint or a paragon, whether we live or die. Besides, you don't really think surviving this is going to be as simple as remaining a moral paragon, or a ruthless operative, do you?"

"Wouldn't be much of a Spectre if I did."

"Do I need to ask you to forgive me?" Kaidan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He leaned in close to Jenna. Resting with foreheads touching, Kaidan tried to discern where he was standing.

"Something dangerous has always lived behind those blue eyes of yours. It makes you dangerous…thrilling. And it keeps you alive. Jenna, if that's what keeps bringing you back to me, never give it up."

v

The Mess Hall – Later On

"Good to have you back, Major."

"Thanks, Joker," Kaidan replied.

"The commander's going to be a lot less fun, but still..." Joker said as he started packing up his plate. Commander Shepard looked up, eyes wide in surprise. She had no idea what he meant.

"All right, Joker. I'll bite. Why is that?" Kaidan asked. Joker smiled.

"Commander took a walk on the wild side after Horizon." Kaidan raised an eyebrow, looking to Shepard.

"Really? How so?" She'd failed to mention anything changing after Horizon. No one had said anything about her stepping out with anyone else.

"You know, Commander, I've been dying to ask you what happened that day." There had only been one, thankfully.

"I hate to disappoint you Joker, but I don't remember a lot of it."

"What happened, Commander?" Kaidan said, a tone of mischief to his voice. Shepard sighed.

"Horizon…hit the mark. I spent a few days not thinking straight. Decided to go out and find trouble. It didn't take long." Joker laughed.

"That's all you're gonna say? I have never seen you go grunge like that before. I thought it was Jack walking out the hatch for a second." Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" said Kaidan, intrigued. "Wish I'd been a fly on the wall to see that."

"Major, do you know how many flies there are on the walls between here and Chora's Den?" Joker answered. Shepard sat back in her chair and let go of a resigned breath.

"For crying out loud..."

"Come on, Commander, you disappeared for five hours, and you turn up looking like you've been hit by transport vehicle."

"What?" demanded Kaidan. Shepard shook her head.

"Well, I didn't have a few of these scars when Cerberus put me back together again." Kaidan smiled and laughed.

"What is it, Joker? You're dying to show off something."

"Thought you'd never ask."

Joker's fingers danced across a small computer panel, one centred on each side of the table. A small holo of EDI popped up.

"EDI, you remember the day Commander Shepard was arrested?" Kaidan couldn't help but laugh. '_Was arrested'_?

"I have the video files you requested I retrieve from Citadel Security logs."

"We have to work on your colloquial language algorithms, EDI. Pull them up will you?"

"Of course, Joker." Shepard laughed.

"At least she's dropped 'Mr. Moreau'."

"She's a work in progress."

A 2D video hologram popped up in the middle of the mess table. _When the hell did they install this?_ wondered Shepard. The image of her leaving the Normandy was surprisingly clear. Kaidan had a restrained but shocked look on his face.

"Wow. Even I'd stay out of my way, looking like that." They watched as she found her way to Chora's and sat down. Down went three flaming shots.

"Move it forward about...25 minutes, EDI," said Joker. EDI did so. Shepard could see the group she'd noticed first and now she knew where the others walking up behind her had come from. The security guard stepped in. You could hear what was being said surprisingly well.

"Sounds like you enhanced the aud..." Shepard started to say when the fight broke out. A few more crewmembers had walked up to the table. Kaidan sat back, one eyebrow up and a smile on his face.

"Whoa, shit," he said, when the turian had the tendon at the back of his leg cut. With Garrus watching she felt guilty about that. Jack was watching as well. Murmurs of approval then cries of surprise sounded when the turian with the gun was taken out.

"You see your life flash before your eyes, Jack?" one of the crew asked.

"You'd have to do better than that." she replied. Garrus had seated himself opposite Shepard and was the first to speak when the video cut out.

"I would think you'd be proud of how you acquitted yourself, Shepard." Shepard sighed. Her feelings about it were one hell of a mixed bag. She wasn't sure how to take the way Kaidan was looking at her.

"It was a moment of weakness, Garrus. I almost got myself killed. Likely I would have been, if Jack hadn't thought to keep an eye on me." Garrus laughed and shook his head.

"If that's what humans call weakness, any sentient species in their right mind should be terrified of going toe to toe with you." Shepard managed a slight laugh and hesitant smile.

"Thanks." The onlookers slowly dispersed, a few good-natured pats on the shoulder being given to Shepard as they moved away. Joker finished packing up his plate and left with a smile at Shepard and Kaidan.

"Don't be so hard on yourself." Kaidan said. Easier said than done. Kaidan put his left hand over Jenna's.

"See that scar?" There was a y-shaped scar on the back of his hand across the first and second knuckles.

"Yeah. It's new," she replied. There were a few more, too.

"Doctors had to replace those four bones with synthetic ones, joints and all. The merc that took the shot had the side of his face caved in." Jenna fixed Kaidan with a loving look.

"We make quite a pair." Kaidan smiled and nodded.

"Yeah. We do."

v

News From Home

"All seems so calm from here. There are people going through hell in a million different ways...out there. I want to be fighting alongside them, but, I want to be here. You know?"

"Sometimes it's hard to accept that this is what our part looks like...Is there someone specific on your mind?"

"I heard from my mom, Shepard. My dad is, uh...he's MIA. He's presumed..."

"They got out of Vancouver. What happened?"

"He left mom at the orchard and reported for active duty. It's all we know, but, ah, it's enough."

"There's nothing anyone can say that will make this...easier. But, whatever you need...I'm here. And I know what it's like."

"My mom...she's alone, Shepard. In this, in all this."

"Yeah...You know, I'm guessing you and your father have a few things in common when it comes to your taste in women. She's strong, Kaidan. Resilient. Like every woman who's sent a husband, or son, to war, she's in this with you, no matter how far apart you are...She's not alone, either. Wherever she is a part of you goes with her...and so do I."

"Thanks, Shepard. You're right...I don't know how you do it. Keeping it all together like you do. Earth is always in the back of my mind, haunting me."

"I'm not always together. You're one of few who've seen me when I'm not. Knowing there's something I can do...that it can make a difference, keeps me together when I need to be...Did it make a difference?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it did."

"Did you ever manage to find any of your students?"

"No. Wherever they are...I know they're kicking ass, on Earth, or somewhere...Man, I just...when this war is over, there's gonna be one hell of a reunion party."

"Hell, yes...count me in."

"Dancing in the streets, huggin' and cryin'...my mom's always wanted to travel off planet. I think I'll take her..." Shepard watched as that hopeful line of thought came to an abrupt halt. This wasn't a time to make promises you don't know you can keep. She stepped in close, reaching for his hands. _Hold that thought, Kaidan. Hold on to it. Don't ever let go_, thought Shepard.

"I'm glad you told me...and I'm glad you're here." Shepard stepped away, before she could do anything unwise.

"Thanks...for taking the time." Shepard nodded and turned to go.

"Always."

v

A Solid Reason

Sitting at the small desk in the cabin in silence, Kaidan let go of a breath and put the data pads aside. Shepard looked up, one corner of her mouth turned up. That sound usually meant a question was coming.

"Shepard, I need to ask you something." She nodded, shutting down the display on her personal terminal.

"About what?"

"It's about…what happened with Udina."

"His interrogation? I don't...uh...I don't know where to start." She thought this had smoothed itself out a while ago.

"No, it has nothing to do with that. What happened during the coup on the Citadel." Shepard's eyes went wide.

"Alright. Talk to me." Kaidan walked up the stairs, leaning himself back against the aquarium glass, arms crossed. Shepard frowned.

"Udina showed me evidence that you had been making purchases with a set of accounts that channeled funds from illegal Cerberus activities."

Shepard sat back, exhaling and meeting Kaidan's gaze with a look that unsettled him.

"Not here."

Shepard looked to her wrist activating a secondary omni-tool - green. After sending a message she turned it off and looked back to Kaidan.

"Shepard, you are scarin' the shit out of me."

"Not here. We'll deploy to Dekuuna then head straight for the Citadel. Whatever you want to know I'll be ready to answer there." Kaidan stood straight letting his arms fall to his sides. Taken badly aback, he wanted little else more than answers.

"Shit. Why in hell not, Shepard?" he demanded, angry. Shepard's gaze softened.

"Because it's not secure." Kaidan exhaled, shaking his head. With eyes wide and brows furrowed, he looked to Shepard. This was infuriating. He couldn't stay here.

"You'll understand if I sleep in the crew bunks." Shepard nodded, her expression saddened. An ache started, centred in her chest.

"Yeah. I do."

v

The elevator opened onto the CIC. Shepard and Kaidan stepped out. Shepard spotted Engineer Adams and moved toward him.

"Adams."

"Commander?"

"Take us down to a skeleton complement. We're ashore 16 hours. Enjoy yourself."

"Aye, Commander."

Both in leather jackets, shirt and jeans, Shepard and Kaidan went ashore.

v

Shepard approached a conspicuously unmarked vehicle parked outside the docking bay. There was a driver inside.

"Where are we going, Shepard?"

"Transportation complements of the Shadow Broker. Are you coming or not?"

Kaidan got in. They were taken to one of the lower wards. If Zakera wards were rough, this place was a slum. Dropped at an LZ, they were feet on the ground for just under three minutes until they were aboard another ship and preparing to take off. Shepard jumped into the pilot's seat, looking back over her shoulder as Kaidan stood unmoving inside the open hatch.

"Last chance. Either you trust me or you don't."

"God save me if I'm wrong. Let's go," he replied sliding into the co-pilot's chair. Shepard saw the pistol tucked in his waistband.

"You don't believe in God."

"It's never too late to start."

v

Shepard powered the engines down to drift.

"What did Udina show you?"

"Shepard..._what did I see_?!"

"I think some of the accounts you saw were mine. Four of them. They receive funds from a large number of investments and loans made through and paid out by the Shadow Broker. Ownership of the accounts is untraceable. I never thought to disguise the amounts because I thought they were safe. What made you so sure they were mine?" she explained. Kaidan's expression was inscrutable.

"Udina said the client IDs were all the same and the number had been specifically requested when the accounts were opened at the institution. They wanted to know if the number meant anything to me. They suggested it could be a date. Divide it up in order of year, day and month and its nothing. Year, month and day, still nothing. Month, day and year, also…nothing. Day, month and year...the day before Ilos."

Shepard smiled. The truth was a heavy burden. She was glad to soon be sharing it.

"We were more of a survey and mining outfit than Cerberus errand runners. Ninety percent of what was actually recovered was diverted to the Shadow Broker for safe-keeping. There was a war coming. What suddenly becomes much more valuable when demand is that high?"

"Resources."

"Resources and capital. There's a healthy helping of cutthroat loan brokering in there, too."

"How did you keep all of it out of Cerberus' hands?"

"You don't spend that much time working around someone like the Illusive Man without picking up a few ideas. Miranda Lawson spent most of her time falsifying reports on our activities."

"How did you convince her to do that?"

"Fair compensation…and a good look at the airlock." Kaidan's expression turned into appalled shock.

"You'd do that over something like money?"

"Kaidan, I've kicked a man out a 50th story window for being an idiot. Yes. I would have. She was the least trustworthy member of the crew - most dependant on her ties to the Illusive Man. Loyal to Cerberus. I'd have lost no sleep with her off the ship. She's luckier to be alive than she knows…I've also found very good reasons to see her differently since then. I'm glad it didn't come to that."

Shepard reached into the briefcase she had carried aboard from the air car. She produced a data pad. Activating the same green omni-tool, she booted the data pad. The data transfer took minutes. It had been a blank slate before the upload began.

"I'm going to destroy this before going back to the Citadel. Unless we talk like this again you won't get another chance to see this. It's all there. Nothing redacted or omitted. Partner profiles, portfolios, inventory manifests, invoices, asset records, everything. It's a business."

"You said four accounts. How many accounts are there?"

"Twenty three. The money in those four accounts is pocket change."

"What?! This is a bloody fortune!" he said, surprised and angry. Shepard inhaled and let it out. She looked him squarely in the eyes.

"For now, the sole purpose of those funds is to ensure the Normandy is fully equipped, outfitted and in good repair. Able to operate without support from the Council or Alliance, if needs be. Beyond that..."

Shepard trailed off. Kaidan was twitching with anger, keeping himself strapped down.

"Were you never going to tell me about this? I almost had myself convinced it was _all_ just fabricated...Shepard, what am I supposed to do with this? I mean, does _your_ future not include me?" he asked, the last question hurting badly enough he didn't expect it.

"Actually, the only person not included in plans for this money is me. Either when I die or ten years after losing contact with me, the money would be released. Twenty percent paid out as a broker's fee. One very well earned. The rest is yours. If you're gone or out of contact for the same ten years, the money will be left in the Broker's hands to be used for, what has been loosely defined, as good and responsible purposes. Other than that, I don't have the right to make decisions about how the money is used. Well, to make decisions _alone_. Not legally, just...morally." Kaidan looked away, out the cockpit windows. There were so many conflicting emotions flying around his heart the most prominent thing he felt was confusion.

"This is a _mess_. Shepard, why didn't you say something about this? _Sooner_."

"Because _this_ is moral quicksand…And I had no idea where the leaked information was. Those assets have been moved and insulated - my OPs changed. I was doing this in secret long before we repaired things. I thought the high volume of requisitions I was making would raise red flags for you and I would just be able to honestly answer a benign question, one of these days. It's actually kind of...nice...to know that there was a solid reason you didn't trust me." Shepard said, eyes on him, hoping he'd look her way. Eventually, he did.

"Trust...bloody hell. Shepard…do you not trust me?"

"Ask me - absolutely _anything_. If there's something you saw that you want know about…if I don't remember it, I can find it. It's in your hands and it's all there." Kaidan's expression became angry again.

"Shepard, I can't ask questions if I have no way to know they exist."

"If you don't ask…it's massive. There's no place to begin."

"I just...my head hurts. So does the heart, for cryin' out loud. I don't know where to start." Shepard sat back, eyes closed. They snapped open the moment the thought crossed her mind.

"With what you know. Do you trust me?" Kaidan exhaled, hanging his head slightly.

"Yes. I just wish it didn't make me feel foolish." He sounded pained, and it tore at her heart.

"It's not foolish."

"Shepard...don't patronize."

"It's not foolish because it's not misplaced and it hasn't been betrayed. Kaidan, I regret this. Not telling you sooner was a mistake. And I'll be carrying and learning from that regret for a _very_ long time…This isn't just my future. It's yours - that's the _reason_ for it...if that's still something you want."

"And I decide now or that's it?" he demanded, defensive. Shepard's eyes went wide. She emphatically shook her head.

"No. You have until the day you die, if you need it." Kaidan felt relief coming on.

"Are there more skeletons from your Cerberus days that'll come rattling out the next time I open a closet?"

"The intel from Lorek. That's still a black box, even for me."

"Not a problem." Shepard nodded.

"Medical records to do with Cerberus' reconstruction, implants and other enhancements."

"Wouldn't mind a look at those. And some long talks with Dr. Chakwas." Shepard nodded.

"With or without me?"

"With." Shepard smiled and took a deep breath. Filling the lungs with fear to exhale.

"Alright. That's it then."

Kaidan let out a sigh and put his thumbs to his temples.

"That bottom panel is a bunk."

"That's not going to fix this," he mused darkly, laughing incredulously. Shepard shook her head.

"I'm betting you didn't sleep much the last few nights, if at all. Get your sleep. I'll wake you before we dock with the Citadel."

Kaidan relaxed into the seat, making up his mind. He got up and crawled past her, shucking off his boots. He pulled out the cot, climbed under the cover and closed his eyes.

v

A couple hours had passed. He opened his eyes and looked toward Shepard. She seemed to be asleep in the pilot's chair. He quietly slipped out of the sheets and put a hand on her shoulder as he came up behind her. She started in the chair. When she looked back there was a tear going down one cheek. She quickly turned away and wiped it off, looking back.

"What is it?" she asked. The look in his eyes was affectionate and one corner of his lips turned up by a half smile. He nodded toward the bunk.

"Are you sure?"

"I couldn't stay in the cabin with that sitting between us. Feeling like that all night would have driven me insane. Now I can't sleep because you're ten feet away."

Shepard smiled, the expression somewhat bitter and engaged the autopilot. She climbed out of her chair as Kaidan knelt at the head of the bunk, taking off his shirt and belt. Standing behind him, she did the same. When he saw her shirt and bra hit the deck he stood and put his arms around her.

"Kaidan...that's probably not..."

"You want to be forgiven, putting up with a hug is the price you pay."

Shepard laughed bitterly, holding herself tight to him. Pained sadness showed on her face and tears were kept at bay. She held on a little more snugly as the thought crossed her mind.

This would _never_ happen again.

The guilt went away.

v

Apollo's

"Surprised this place can still get supplies for a menu like this."

"Maybe it's better if we don't ask how…or where." Shepard said as she seated herself.

"I'm glad we're taking the time to do this. I could use a sanity check."

"Things have been pretty insane." Shepard could feel herself winding down some already.

"You know, my life flashed in front my eyes on Mars, and there weren't enough moments like this – with people I care about."

"I wouldn't miss this one for anything…With things the way they are…how are you feeling?"

"Feeling up to whatever the Reapers throw at us. And…grateful I could convince you to sit down for half a second and relax."

"Call me crazy, but this feels like a good time to have a heart-to-heart. What're you drinking?"

"Huh. If you're trying to butter me up, it might take a nice steak sandwich, too."

"Given the pile of missteps I'm on the hook for, I'll do what it takes to sweeten the deal. So…?"

"Shot of whisky and a good ol' Canadian Lager. You think they have it?"

"Can't hurt to ask, but it's more likely they have Batarian Shard Wine."

"At my parent's place in Vancouver, drank more than a few beers on their balcony…looking out over English Bay. Smell of salmon on the grill…the ocean, the pine forest around the house. Shepard, that was one hell of a beautiful view. You know something, though? I feel good about our chances."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Lets me sleep better at night."

"You not sleeping?"

"Maybe a little restless. You?"

"Sleep and I haven't been getting along. You first."

"Alright. The Reapers aren't the only thing keeping me up at night…I wonder about us."

"Us?"

"I love you, Shepard. Feels like I always have. I want to understand what this is, between us, and make it real…well, that's what I want…Say something." She suddenly wasn't sure this was reality.

"Making this real…Kaidan…I say it's about time."

"That…makes me so happy. And there are benefits to that happiness. But…more on that later."

"Later? Let's get back to the Normandy…ASAP."

"Ah, sorry. Too late. Drinks are here…and I'm going to take my time."

"_You…_are making me crazy…At least I know I have sanity left to lose. To taking the time. Cheers." Shepard said lightheartedly.

"Cheers…Lack of sleep got you less than sane?" Shepard eyed him cautiously, looking away. This wasn't really the time to discuss what was keeping her awake.

"What is it, Jenna?" Shepard averted her eyes for moment, but she smiled.

"Maybe this isn't…the best time to…" Shepard said, battening down the hatches against how deeply the memory disturbed her.

"With something like this, it's never a good time. But it is right." Kaidan replied. Shepard pursed her lips and nodded.

"I'm sleeping better now than when you were in the hospital…I'm seeing what happened on Mars, when the doctor was throwing you against the shuttle like a ragdoll…the way you just stopped fighting, going limp like that…when I ran up, your eyes were wide open, but…blank. Until we got your helmet off I thought I was carrying a corpse." Shepard seemed unsettlingly lost in the memory when she spoke. Kaidan wasn't sure what to say. If something happening to him cut clean through her like this…

"Have you told anyone? Garrus? Or Liara?" Kaidan interrupted. Shepard shook her head.

"No. They have enough to worry about. Don't need them thinking they have to keep an eye on me, too."

"Shepard, I know how you're going look at me, but…we have to talk – it's even more important if you're not talking to anyone else. Jenna…I get it. I've spent my fair share of nights waking up thinking I was floating out into space choking to death." Kaidan insisted. Shepard smiled, nodding.

"There you go, saving my sanity…again."

"Again?"

"Yeah."

"Don't remember the first time."

"Just know you did. For now, let's enjoy this…what'd you call it? Sanity check?"

"Mmm hmm. Sanity check." Shepard set down her glass and reached for him, putting a hand to his cheek.

v

Kaidan and Shepard stepped into the airlock, hand in hand, letting go as the interior door opened.

"Welcome back, Commander. Major."

"Thanks, Joker." Shepard answered, in command again. Engineer Adams approached looking like he was angling for one of them.

"Major, have a moment?" Adams asked. Shepard looked to Kaidan and nodded. She headed directly to the elevator.

Stepping into the cabin, she kicked off her shoes, wondering if she should change into something relaxed. She seated herself at her desk, picking up the top data pad from a new set Lieutenant Traynor had left there…

Shepard stood when she heard the cabin door open.

"Hey. I was ready to send out a sea…" Her eyes went wide at how Kaidan took hold of her and kissed her. Her eyelids fell closed. They shed clothing and found the bed with reckless abandon. Keeping her waiting seemed to have been a double-edged tactic.

v

Udina's Last Words

Shepard stood and turned to greet the person entering her quarters. Kaidan.

"Jenna, I want to talk to you about something."

"You've never walked through my door with nothing to say." She sat herself down at her desk, rolling a chair toward Kaidan with one foot. Kaidan eyed her cautiously as he sat down.

"You tired?" Shepard leaned back, closed her eyes and nodded. She opened her eyes suddenly as if something had occurred to her.

"If that sounded dismissive…or rude…I'm sorry," she said, concern furrowing her brow. Kaidan smiled and laughed.

"It's not untrue," he said, raising an eyebrow. "And you said it as patiently as anyone on this ship could right now. What's keeping you up?"

"I'm trying to track down the mysterious recipient of Udina's last words. It's been interesting."

"How so?"

"I found mention of her in Cerberus' records. Not long after that Miranda contacted me. She wanted to know why I was looking. I asked her if she was sure she has a PhD in psychology." Kaidan and Shepard shared a short laugh. "In any case, she told me the woman had been a well-respected Cerberus operative. It's been seven years since she disappeared without a trace. And now I'm looking for her."

Kaidan frowned.

"She didn't know anything else?" Jenna opened her eyes wide as she shook her head.

"She wouldn't say. Or she didn't know. She did say that she knows she's dangerous. And that she took her place when she joined Cerberus." Kaidan was looking at her with unsettling intensity. A shiver actually ran down Shepard's spine.

"What?" she asked, nervously.

"Udina's message has been bothering me." Shepard nodded.

"I thought it was a little…odd…but, I figure it was something special between him and this person – a daughter, lover…maybe. I mean, if I ever had to leave something like this for you I hope I'd have something to say no one else would understand." Kaidan's expression went from controlled to affectionate between groggy blinks. He took hold of the arm of her chair and pulled their chairs as close together - knee to knee - as he could. He guided her head to rest on his shoulder. Concern had him holding her tight. She was so tired her body moved back and forth in waves involuntarily.

"I don't get it," he whispered. Jenna smiled faintly.

"What?"

"How you can order something like that to be done to him, but you…forgive him. You so naturally see the good in his last intentions. You want to believe that he could care for someone more than his politics and ambitions. It's so starkly black and white, I don't understand how it all lives in the same place." Jenna pulled back slightly as he spoke. There was controlled fear in her eyes as they darted about, trying to keep the thoughts in her head corralled.

"What did I miss?" she breathed. Kaidan relaxed his hold on her. She brought herself face to face with him.

"I couldn't get past the fact that it was so simple. It could be something no one else would understand. An obscure quote or a…code…using that word got me. I don't like what he said. 'Fear not the darkness as I lay thee down to sleep. When the silent one cries no children weep.' No train of logic follows through the two statements. If it's a quote, I can't find it. It's simple enough to be a psychological trigger. Few words you could mistake for any others…" Jenna sighed and held Kaidan's gaze. _Son of a bitch_, Shepard thought. Angry as she was another expression was obvious on her face. Pain. Kaidan saw it and backed away.

"_I'm_ sorry, Shepard. You're exhausted. This could have waited until after you'd had some sleep…" Jenna took hold of him, not letting him get any further away.

"No." Jenna actually smiled. "It's Udina, not you. You're right." She wrapped her forearms gently over his.

v

The two lay warm in bed, on the edge of sleep. A thought crossed his mind and Kaidan found his eyes open because of it.

"It hurt you, that he could choose to act that way." Jenna nodded, bringing herself a few steps back from sleep. Jenna inhaled deeply and exhaled.

"No matter who it is, it seems I always believe there is decency in there, somewhere. It takes all the faith I have to act on that belief. It's always mystified me how so many people can send their faith off into oblivion to a being or beings that may or may not exist, when so many people, right in front of them, desperately need it." For her to hold on to such unwavering faith in people, only to suffer another mallet blow to the stakes every time someone betrayed it…Kaidan found himself taken hold of by a drive so strong he was reeling. Jenna felt him tense and noticed his breathing change. He laid himself on his back as Jenna set herself up on her elbow facing him.

"Kaidan…?"

"Jenna…I…" Looking on him for just seconds, she moved again, hushing him with a kiss. As her skin slid smoothly across his, any separation between them melted away.

v

Texan Pass-time

"The whole time I worked at C-Sec, I'd stare up at the top of the Presidium and say to myself, 'I want to go up there.' But I never did. There were 137 regulations telling me I couldn't."

"So you got them all changed?"

"No. Now I just don't give a damn."

"Some things never change. They never should, either."

v

ZEEYUUM.

v

"Figure it's time to do something stupid just for the hell of it…It's a little…busier than I imagined." Garrus said as he stepped out of the car.

Shepard stepped up to the edge and took a look over.

"How about a dive in the pool?" Garrus stepped up beside her.

"Nah. You obviously haven't seen turians swim. A lot of flailing and splashing interrupted by occasional bouts of drowning."

"Well then, never mind. I'm guessing needing your ass saved wasn't on that list of things you want to do."

"It would make up for all those times I've pulled your ass out of the fire. Noveria…Feros, Ilos…we've had a hell of a ride, haven't we, Shepard?"

"Yeah. Let's you know who your good friends are. They're not the ones running around looking for an escape route. They stay by your side through the craziest shit you'll ever see, and refuse to give up on you. I'm lucky I know someone like that."

"So am I…You're not going to propose marriage now, are you?"

"Nah. I know a man who'd shoot me if I did."

"Then I'd shoot him."

"And we'd wind up together anyway." Garrus laughed.

"Well, before we crack open the cooler, there is one thing I want to settle once and for all."

"Yeah?" Garrus tossed her the Mantis propped up against the cooler.

"Not saying you don't know how to handle a gun, but some of us know how to make it dance...so, let's find out who's the better shot," said Garrus, dancing a bottle in one hand.

"There are a few people in the galaxy who've seen me in action. They seemed impressed."

"Maybe. But I've seen you in action on the dancefloor. No comment." Shepard switched off the safety and loaded the rifle.

"That was a comment. Alright, Vakarian. You're goin' down." Garrus lined up for a straight throw.

"Don't worry. I loaded it with practice slugs...for when you miss." The bottle went sailing out over the edge. Shepard zeroed in, lead the target and shattered it with ease as it fell into place. She gave him a look that said, '_Really_'?

"That was an easy one, let you build up your confidence. Long range, I wrote the book. Nobody alive can do this. Not even the legendary Commander Shepard." Shepard heaved the bottle into the air. Garrus lead the target and seconds ticked by. Just as Shepard began wondering if he'd missed his window of opportunity...

BAM!

"Ha! I said a tough one."

"Step aside." Shepard said, determined not to let this one slide. She frowned for a moment. Well, her pride wasn't that fragile…

"Do it." Garrus gave the bottle his best send off. Not good enough to best her. He didn't need to know that.

BAM! Garrus looked at her, eyes wide. Shepard shrugged a little.

"What? It was windy."

"I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is now my favourite spot on the Citadel!...I think I'm going to erect a monument right here...bronze this gun so the whole galaxy knows." Shepard was smiling. Yeah…missing the shot was worth it.

"With you around, bottles will certainly think twice before revolting." Garrus laughed, opening the crate the guns were sitting on and tossed Shepard a beer, seating himself on the crate with a bottle of turian liquor in hand.

"Careful, Shepard. Your soft spot's showing."

"Figured it out, eh?"

"You think I wouldn't? I've seen you nail better shots with a brute charging your flank."

"Heh heh. Yeah. Good times." Shepard said. Garrus reached over for a toast. Hearing the clink of the glass, Shepard thought, _that…is a sweet sound_.

"Only when you live to tell about it." Shepard and Garrus laughed as the hum of a passing vehicle drowned out the sound. Round Two would much more fun drunk.

v

The sirens sounded over the noise and bustle of the passing air cars. Shepard momentarily looked to Garrus then over her shoulder.

"Shit. Boot, scoot n' boogie." Shepard said, tossing her unfinished beer back into the cooler.

"What?"

"_C-Sec. Go!_" Shepard shouted. Without another word to each other they unceremoniously tossed their gear into the boot behind the seats, buckled in and took off, before the doors had even closed. Garrus had the engines at full throttle as they raced away from their pursuers. Garrus glanced at Shepard.

"Don't look so worried. I know their pursuit protocols inside out…remember?" Garrus said, smiling as he deftly maneuvered around oncoming traffic. Shepard smiled and let the tension out of her shoulders, settling in for the ride.

v

They landed in an abandoned lot in the lower wards. Shepard handed the man who approached from inside the building a cash card. Fee paid up front, no words said. The car would be returned to wherever it needed to be.

v

The cab picked them up blocks away on a busy city street. It wasn't long before they arrived at the D-24 lot. As they entered the docking chute two C-Sec officers said their last words to Kaidan and Tali before turning to leave. The officers approached, blocking Shepard and Garrus' path.

"Commander. We need to ask you some questions."

"Go ahead…Lieutenant." Shepard said. The turian cleared his throat.

"Where were you around…14:30 hours this afternoon?"

"Zakera Wards. Spectre business."

"You understand we will have to verify that."

"If you could verify that, I wouldn't be doing my job." The turian raised an eyebrow.

"Footage of suspects pursued in the Presidium earlier today, appeared to show you as one of the culprits."

"A Cerberus clone recently…escaped…from the Normandy over the Financial District. It was never found. I don't care who you think you've identified. It wasn't me."

"Well, one of the two suspects was human. The other was turian. No positive ID."

"It wasn't this turian. He was with me."

"Doing what, exactly?"

"It was Spectre business, Officer." The turian was terse. His human partner looked uneasy.

"Yes. Well, I'm sure we'll find whomever was in that car…eventually," the Officer said. Shepard nodded.

"Best of luck."

The officers looked at each other and moved around Garrus and Shepard to exit the chute. She and Garrus walked on toward their companions waiting at the end of the chute. The doors closed behind the officers as they left. Kaidan stood with arms crossed, his weight on one leg, beside Tali. Shepard met his gaze and bit her lips as a smile started to form on her lips. Despite her best effort it wouldn't stop trying to present itself. She began to flush deep red. Suppressed laughter wasn't far behind. Garrus looked her way.

"Shepard…" he admonished, shaking his head in mock shame. Shoulders shaking, Shepard smiled and shook her head.

"It's…I'm sorry. I can't. In sight of those eyes I cannot lie." she said, shaking her head. Kaidan raised an eyebrow and feigned exasperation. Tali was shaking her head. Garrus started laughing. Shepard and Garrus made it to where Kaidan and Tali stood, bent with laughter. Kaidan shook his head and walked to the hatch.

They stood inside the decon bay waiting for the process to complete.

"Rin to sai sein quaelah cibat…Keelah…" said Tali. Garrus put an arm around her and laughed. Shepard looked over.

"I'll make it up to you. Promise," he said.

"What was that?" Shepard asked.

"None of your business, Shepard." Tali replied. Shepard laughed. She eyed Kaidan. He stood silent - unreadable.

"Angry? Irritated? Indifferent?" she asked. Kaidan met her gaze and let a smile show. He put an arm around her.

"Wondering how I'm feeling...? Left out," he answered, tightening his hold and giving the head a shake. Shepard smiled, saying,

"Garrus, how the hell did we get so lucky?" The four laughed.

"I don't know, Shepard. I don't know."

v

Shepard in Jeopardy – The Citadel

"Shepard. You look like you're having a bad day."

"It's starting to look up."

"Heh. The landing pad's over there, but it's behind locked gates."

"Let's find the control panel." Kaidan let his eyes be drawn to her clinging wet dress that left _nothing_ to imagination.

"Nice…dress...control panel. Right." Shepard put one eyebrow up and turned toward the sales office.

"So...what happened? 'Cause Joker said you fell through a fish tank."

"That's right."

"Not sure I believe that." Shepard twitched as something started wriggling somewhere nothing should have been. Taking cover she dug into her dress underneath a breast. She produced a small panicking fish, holding it up between them. She dropped it on the floor, with an exasperated look at Kaidan.

"Nope. Still don't believe it."

"'Cause I always keep a minnow down there for just such an occasion."

v

Shepard reached out to open the door to the car lot's sales office. The entry panel turned locked. Frustrated, she pounded angrily on the hologram.

"Oh ho, I'm not gonna be the only one having a bad day. Stand back." Shepard said darkly, taking aim at the window.

"Hold on, just a second..." Kaidan knocked on the window.

"Can you open the gates?" They turned as the car lot gates slid open.

"Thanks."

"Please leave." Kaidan gave Shepard a sly and confident look.

"I'm going to remember that look." she quipped. Kaidan laughed.

v

Settling In

"Jenna."

"Hey."

"You were off somewhere."

"Yeah. Sorry. What's goin' on?"

"Don't be. Where was it?" Kaidan asked, seating himself on the couch beside her.

"Horizon."

Kaidan stayed silent a few moments.

"Jenna, I regret that. Maybe more than anything that's happened between us."

"That's not it. I don't hold anything said or done there against you…Horizon, and the time before it, showed me something. Something I still haven't figured out how to…get comfortable with."

"What do you mean?"

"I was looking everywhere. Everywhere I went I was looking for some trace of you. I even considered shooting Anderson, when he wouldn't tell me where you were."

"That's…that's crazy, Shepard."

"_I know_. I didn't shoot him because I was sure I'd kill him before he told me. There was no point…" Jenna paused and took in a new breath.

"…When the Illusive Man told me you were on Horizon, I didn't blink. I don't even remember the rest of the conversation. I walked out of the briefing room and ordered Joker to Horizon. I've never gone through an enemy force like that. Not before or since. I didn't miss a shot the entire mission. Looking into every pod I laid eyes on…"

"You said I knew why you got me off the Normandy. I didn't, Jenna. Not at the time. I wanted to believe you felt…the way I did…but I didn't _know_."

Jenna frowned. The old adage went through her mind. _If knew then what I know now_…

"I wanted you to come with me, because I wanted someone on board I could trust. Without hesitation or question. I wanted someone on board I didn't have to doubt - who wouldn't doubt me. Even Garrus and Tali came on board with suspiscions…" Shepard trailed off. There was more to say but she didn't want to let the words out. Kaidan tried to help her face him. She gently took his hand away from her cheek and held it in her lap instead.

"I've never been unsteady without someone around. Sure, I've befriended people, trusted them, relied on them and valued them. But what was missing after you walked away…that was something…else." Shepard was holding his hand tighter than she realized. She took in a breath and relaxed her hold, meeting his eyes.

"I grew up alone and lived for twenty years needing _no one_. Now I do." She looked away, closing her eyes and letting her head fall to rest, propped up by lips on a closed fist.

"I want to be your strength, Shepard - your soft place to land." Shepard smiled and looked his way. She leaned close against him, resting her cheek on his chest, under the collarbone. He put arms around her, holding on tight. The thought that crossed her mind had her laughing.

"Soft, but not too soft. Landing a ship on ground that's too soft never goes well."

Kaidan laughed.

"I'll be here, Jenna - right here beside you. Always."

v

The Casino – Spectre Status Celebration (Alternative to a Charity Function)

"You're looking radiant tonight, Commander."

"You're quite dapper yourself, Major."

v

"Just curious, were there any other adjectives you were considering?"

"'Dashing', came to mind, but the logic between that and 'looking to make a dash for the nearest exit' was too obvious." Shepard answered, scanning the crowd and the layout of the casino.

"Even if I tried to make a break for it, they have a guard at every exit. As much to keep us in as to keep party crashers out, I'll bet."

"See the bar?"

"I do."

"Let's get there."

"You can run into a hail of bullets and not blink, but a bunch of satin dresses, expensive tuxedos, and glittering jewelry makes you nervous?" Kaidan asked, amused.

"At a society function you to be...social. Am I personable? Sure. Social? No." The bartender turned his attention to the new arrivals.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Shepard was all too happy to answer.

"Absolutely. Two whisky doubles, please."

"We have to be coherent - at least until after they put us up on stage."

"Just looking to trim my fraying nerves. Cheers."

"Cheers." Shepard downed her glass, frowning.

"I'm realizing, I never really said anything about your promotion."

"Yes you did. I very clearly remember that conversation in the hospital."

"That was kind of...stiff. Kaidan, you've accomplished something... extraordinary. It's a genuinely deserved honour. I'm not just happy to find myself in your company as a Spectre, I'm truly proud to be. Congratulations."

"Thank you, Shepard. I'll drink to that." Kaidan snatched two drinks off of a passing wait tray. Bottoms up.

"Let's figure out how to enjoy this party." Shepard mused, a little daunted.

"Care to join me on the dance floor?" Kaidan said, extending a hand. Shepard gave him a wary look.

"That's not helping my nerves."

"Trust me, and try to relax." Shepard took a deep, calming breath and exhaled.

"Here goes."

v

"I'm wondering why we haven't danced before."

"My two left feet."

"That doesn't matter in a personal cabin...or a living room."

"Then...just maybe, I can learn to like it."

v

"May I cut in, Major?"

"Admiral Hackett. Of course, sir."

"Who knew you shined up this nicely, Shepard?"

"Thank you, sir."

"Can't help but notice - the two of you have had enough to drink to flush your cheeks."

"Not really, sir. Give it a minute. The colour will die down."

"Ah. If you say so."

"Incidentally, it seems the Alliance spared no expense, providing whisky that smooth in the midst of a Reaper invasion."

"Bread and circuses, Commander."

"You'll forgive me, sir, but this seems less like a distraction, and more like a battlefield. I almost gave in to the urge to show up in full Kestrel armour." Admiral Hackett laughed.

"What makes you say that?"

"When anyone says more than a few words to you at a function like this, there are usually political machinations at work. After Udina, this looks like a minefield, not a cocktail party. And I'm not wearing any armour."

"Not to change the topic, Commander, but have either you, or Major Alenko, given any thought to what you might do after this war?"

"Not really, sir. Why?"

"Because two people with your brand of integrity, and dislike of political machinations, would be welcome at Alliance HQ."

"Thank you for saying so, sir. But I prefer being able to bring heavy firepower to bear against my enemy. Being armed with only words and dangerous ideas...that's not my kind of fight." Admiral Hackett laughed whole-heartedly.

"Well, I'm not looking for your answer now, Commander. It wouldn't be so much a step up, as a step to the side. You'd remain Spectres, but it would make time between missions much more, ah...stable."

"Sir, I..."

"Young lady, you have a lot of life ahead of you. Take it from an old man. A future you don't plan for will never happen."

"Yes...sir..."

"Good evening, Commander. Let yourselves enjoy the party. That's an order." Shepard nodded and looked behind her, finding Kaidan standing there. She took the drink he offered her.

"Congratulations, Major," said Hackett, initiating a handshake.

"Thank you, sir. Very much." Admiral Hackett nodded courteously and turned to leave.

"Good evening, sir." Shepard said.

"What did he have to say?"

"Something...fatherly."

"Like?"

"Ask me after we get outta here." Kaidan nodded. Setting the drinks down they stepped out onto the dance floor again. It was a wonderfully effective way to avoid society conversation…

v

"You look fantastically smart, tonight, Kaidan. Very nearly had me speechless when I first saw you."

"Careful, Shepard. I'm not immune to letting all these complements go to my head."

"I'll make sure we can fit it through the door on the way out, if I have to."

"Then you'll have to stop looking at me like that."

"Why?"

"Because you already have me wondering which is closer - the apartment or the docking bay." Shepard smiled and laughed.

"Sorry. I'll keep it in check."

"Com...Commander! God, you are hard to find." Shepard let out a defeated breath, leaning her cheek against his.

"I will pay you one month's salary to find her a stiff dose of valium," she whispered. Kaidan laughed and gave in to putting a kiss on her cheek.

"No magic pockets in this get up, Shepard. In fact, no pockets at all. Sorry."

"Damn...I suppose it's time to mingle."

"Yeah. Watch your caboose, Commander."

"Keep your eyes open, Major." The two stepped apart. Shepard engaged Brooks as she approached and Kaidan blended into the first conversation he encountered.

v

"You've already managed one great victory against the Reapers."

"Permission to speak freely, Councillor?"

"Why not, Shepard?"

"That wasn't a victory. The council races were caught with their pants around their ankles. And they were just lucky enough to escape being fucked. The Reapers are here, and I'm tired of speaking to deaf ears." Shepard wasn't sure what turians looked like when they were speechlessly angry, but she wouldn't be surprised if they looked like the turian councilor did now. She saw Kaidan coming up behind the Councilor.

"If you'll excuse me, Councilor, I'll be going."

"That looked...loaded."

"I remember why I hate these things. I'm too honest to make it out unscathed."

"I heard the last bit of what you said. Once he's done being angry I hope he'll see you're right. It's not just the Alliance looking at the council harshly. Delegates from the turian, asari and salarian fleets have been asking hard questions all night, from what I've seen."

"You didn't hear the first part. Not sure he'll get over it. Sounds like Brooks is ready. Let's get the real party going."

They headed for cover from prying eyes. Kaidan produced the two pistols holstered under his jacket. He deactivated the field concealing them from sight and scanners. Flipping the grip toward Shepard he handed one over.

"Your kind of party...comin' right up."

"Now we're talking."

"Hey! Why don't I get a weapon?" Brooks whined.

"Because you have us. And because concealing a third weapon would have been...uh, difficult..."

"And uncomfortable as hell." Kaidan chimed in.

"How are we getting into his office?"

"Commander, I have returned to the party as myself."

"Good. Keep eyes on the crowd, EDI. If you see someone getting curious, warn us."

"Yes, Commander."

"Take these, Commander. They'll help you see the lines we need to hack to compromise security and gain control of the elevator." Shepard put the contacts in and blinked uncomfortably as they settled into place and the displays booted. Things looked a lot different when they did.

"That's...funky." Shepard looked at Kaidan and stepped back, startled.

"What, Shepard?"

"This is _neat_." He lit up like a nav chart, with the brightest centres of activity around the brain, heart, lower abdomen and...groin.

"Right! I have to calibrate them first, otherwise you'll wind up chasing power lines...among other things." Shepard gave Brooks a sharp look and turned back to Kaidan.

"Feeling kind of...naked, here. Not liking it."

"Sorry. I can see every biotic in here. Wow."

"There you go."

"That's better. They should use these to study biotics."

"They do. That's what they were first used for. Then some less...ethical...people came up with other uses for them."

"When the hell ar...How many times does that have to happen before we learn?"

"We'll learn when there are no new questions to ask." Shepard answered. Kaidan was surprised by the quick and natural tone of the answer.

Shaking his head, he observed, "Probably not far from the truth."

"That should be it. Can you see the communication lines?"

"If you have them calibrated correctly, yes."

"Good, now just follow the blue lines to the panel they're attached to. And try not to look like you're following a dotted line."

"Good advice." Kaidan said, deadpan. Shepard looked at Brooks as if she'd just been told how to lace up her boots.

"Actual psychological phenomenon, Commander. Give us a line to follow and we stick to it." Brooks explained. Kaidan raised an eyebrow, exasperated.

"I suddenly feel much less evolved," he said wryly.

"Yeah. Me too."

v

Dinner at Home

"Hey, Shepard. I'm starving. What do you got?" Shepard stopped, surprised by the request.

"You want to cook?"

"I'm getting tired of Apollo's. Besides, we'll just end up back here anyway. Am I right?" he said, giving her a kiss in greeting. Shepard smiled. That _was _the idea.

"Really?"

"Trust me. Let me impress you," he said, digging out a frying pan. Shepard crossed her arms, leaning against the counter. This was going to be…interesting.

"I'm afraid for our tastebuds." Kaidan tossed the onion out of the fridge and onto the counter, landing it beside the steak and garlic. He closed the door with two beers in hand.

"Come on. You don't have to do a thing. Other than help me drink beer. Just...sit your ass down," he said, opening a bottle and setting it on the island for her. Shepard inhaled, resigned, and perched herself on a barstool opposite the grill.

"What are we having? Canadian delicacy of some sort?"

"Uh...sure. Exactly. We have beef...we have bacon...we have beer...the foods of my people. Wish me luck." Shepard smiled and returned Kaidan's toast, downing a few gulps of beer. Maybe it would taste better if she was just a little toasty before sitting down to eat.

"If you need luck, I'm gonna die. After everything I've managed to survive…"

"You really think I kept hauling your butt out of the fire all this time only to poison you now?"

"I don't think you'd do it intentionally."

"Ye of little faith...Just wait and see...You like to cook, Shepard?"

"Define 'cooking'."

"Wow. That bad, huh?"

"I can throw a few ingredients into a pot or pan and heat something that will nourish you. I make no promises about taste. Basically, if it's not bleeding, or possibly infectious, it's cooked. In my book, anyway." Kaidan laughed.

"Finally. Something you might actually be bad at." Shepard laughed and smiled, stepping around the counter to stand beside Kaidan.

"Where'd you learn to cook?"

"Classes at Jump Zero, believe it or not. Young biotics who can't cook for themselves risk starving."

"Did you pass? Uh...there goes the garlic...I think."

"Oh...ah, sorry. Guess I'm distracted."

"By?" she asked, resting a hand just above his tailbone.

"I wonder..." Shepard had a smile on that screamed mischief and a flush on her cheeks.

"I think I'll give the garlic another shot." Shepard said going for another clove from the cupboard.

"Oh no. Not a chance, Shepard. If I had slim chances alone, with you we're done for."

"Now wait. You mean to tell me that...if we undertake this endeavour together the chances of success are slim, at best?"

"Sounds about right..."

"...Has that _ever_ stopped me before?" Kaidan laughed.

"No. Alright. Just don't slice it too thick. Try not to have us eating your fingertips either."

"Relax. If there's one kitchen utensil I know how to handle, it's a knife." Shepard nonchalantly flipped the knife and started peeling the garlic.

"You lied. You have at least some idea of how to cook."

"I have a very limited repertoire, so I don't think it's unfair to say that."

"Exactly what am I going to find in your 'limited repertoire'?"

"Most of it has to do with breakfast...or dessert."

"What's with cooking only those two?"

"Breakfast is the only meal I ever take any real time to make. I tend to treat the other two like chores. Over and done with quick. Fortunately, desserts have pretty specific recipes so they usually turn out all right. Still, I do still mess up now and then." Shepard slid the garlic off the board and into the pan.

"Remember, _light_ golden brown."

"Relax. I got this."

"What kinds of desserts can you make?"

"Just the ones I can remember from when I was still with my family."

"You may not think you're any good at cooking, but you definitely like it, if you went through so much trouble to remember the recipes."

"I guess I do."

"Sooo...what can you make?"

"Well...chocolate chip cookies, Nanaimo bars...macaroons...pumpkin pie…for a start."

"'Nanaimo bars'? Don't catch anyone calling them that very often...and from what I hear they won't be calling them that anymore…Anyway, I'm hearing a lot of chocolate in there. Sensing a serious taste for it." Shepard smiled and nodded.

"Yeah. When the Alliance or the Mess Sargeant aren't dictating my diet, I can't say I'm, uh…restrained."

"I didn't think I could get any hungrier...'more hungry'...? Those sound _really_ tempting."

"Unfortunately, I can't make any of them with what we have."

"That's all right. There will be other times, Shepard." Shepard smiled and aimed a kiss at his cheek. To her surprise it found lips instead.

"Mmn. Nice catch." Shepard said as she stepped back.

"Thank you."

v

After Dinner

"This was great."

"Yeah, it was. Is it over?" Shepard said, sly. She wasn't inclined to question his ability to cook again – dinner was worlds better than Apollo's. Doesn't get much better than home-style cooking.

"Well, what do you suggest?"

Shepard fixed him with an affectionate gaze, stood and slid her hand underneath his, loosely holding on as she stood and moved toward the stairs. Kaidan laughed, liking the direction they were headed. Before Shepard made the stairs he took hold of her waist, turned her about and carefully pinned her between him and the banister. Shepard threaded her arms underneath his, holding him close and closing her eyes as his lips made contact, finding their way down her neck.

"You say it best, when you say nothing at all." – Keith Whitley

v

The Morning After

"Morning." Kaidan said, stepping down the stairs, rolling his sleeves as he went. He stopped in his tracks and looked on wide-eyed as Shepard stepped out from behind the counter. Under a shirt not quite long enough, her legs were bare.

"Morning." she replied. Eyes wide, he sharply turned 180 degrees and walked back up the stairs, heading for the bedroom.

"What's going on?" Shepard asked, a little mischief in her voice.

"I'm going back to bed."

"Why?"

"I'm still dreaming. I need to wake up again." Shepard laughed.

"You're not dreaming. I'll wake you up in 25 for breakfast."

A few minutes later he came out, setting a pair of shorts for Shepard on the counter.

"Let's do this the right way. Good morning." he said, giving her a sweet and short kiss.

"Morning. Thirsty?"

"Yeah. What is there?"

"Well, I've got some cider going, there's more in the fridge...and there's some hot chocolate on the stove. Water." Kaidan reached for her glass and took a sip.

"Mmn! Alcohol. It's 07:00."

"Yeah. You planning on going anywhere today?"

"Not anymore."

"Glad to hear it. In the top drawer in the closet there's a sweater and shorts for you. Make yourself comfortable."

"Nice. Thanks." Kaidan jogged back up the stairs and re-emerged shortly thereafter in zip-up sweater and mid-thigh length shorts.

"The whole place smells fantastic. I thought you couldn't cook."

"Depends on what I'm making."

"I see...uh...What _are_ we making?"

"Pancakes, bacon, sausages, hash browns, real maple syrup and some fresh sweetened fruit."

"Wow. Neither of us is walking away from shore leave any thinner."

"It's a good way to follow up an active night."

"It sure is. Anything I can do to help?"

"Want to make the whipped cream?"

"'Make' whipped cream?" Shepard had a disbelieving expression on her face.

"You've never...?"

"'Fraid not."

"Okay. You need a small mixing bowl, the cream, sugar and the hand blender." Kaidan got to rummaging through the kitchen cupboards.

"The blender?" Shepard paused for a second and reached a toe out to tap a door at the far end of the counter.

"Top shelf, I think."

"Okay...Check...check, check...and check."

"Pour about an inch and a half of cream into the bowl. Add four small spoonfuls of sugar. Blend with the whisk on high until it keeps its shape pretty well."

"Did you do all this from memory?"

"Well, I, uh...I made this meal every Sunday with my family for about four years before...you know."

"I know we have an insane life, but this is a tradition I could get used to." he said. Shepard smiled.

"Not only is the food tasty, but it's a way to remember some of my favourite times from being a kid. You can choose to remember the things that make you grieve, or the ones that put a smile on your face." Kaidan put down the blender and took her in his arms.

"Then I'll hang on to this morning, just in case." Kaidan kissed her, lingering. Her eyes were closed when he pulled away. He tapped her nose with his finger leaving a dab of whipped cream behind. Shepard opened her eyes in surprise, grinning fondly.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." Kaidan answered, holding her close again for a moment then letting go. Shepard wiped the whipped cream from her nose giving it a taste test.

"Sweet. Perfect."

v

With the meal finished and the kitchen clean again, they found themselves on the couch enjoying the warmth of the fire.

"Mmn mmn. Good breakfast. Makes you a little drowsy, though."

"A perfect breakfast for a day like today." Shepard said, leaning back against the corner of the couch so Kaidan could rest comfortably.

"What do we want to do with a day like today?" Shepard asked, reaching for Kaidan's hand. The data pads on the coffee table could stay there, for all she cared.

"Something. Nothing. Anything. As long as it's just us." Shepard smiled and wrapped whichever limbs she could still move close around him.

v

"She's Busy."

Shepard took in a sharp breath, twitching her hip and leg, eyes wide, as the heel of Kaidan's hand rolled across a nerve cluster in her hip. A surprising and incredibly pleasant feeling had gone shooting straight up her back and down her to toes.

"That was a good thi…?" he asked. Shepard didn't let him finish the sentence.

"Commander. You have an incoming call." Glyph intoned. Shepard pulled back from Kaidan, clearing her throat.

"Audio only. Put it through."

"Commander! I'm glad I caught you." Traynor.

"Is there a problem with the retrofitting?" Shepard asked.

"No. There's a problem with some supply requisitions. Command won't release the shipment without review and approval from you personally." Kaidan put his fingers to his eyebrows, running them outward and pulling his hand back through his hair. He let his forehead fall to rest on her shoulder.

"Lieutenant, if this isn't of galaxy-ending importance, it can wait." Shepard said.

"Are you busy, Commander? You could have just…" Kaidan pulled up, looked Shepard in the eye and cleared his throat - loudly.

"Lieutenant, she's busy."

"Oh! I…uh…I'll just…" The connection went dead as Traynor cleared her throat. _Victory! _The two laughed and picked up where they'd broken off.

v

The Party

"Okay, there have to be some funny stories somewhere in our memory banks." Steve said, passing Shepard the drink he'd poured. James looked at Kaidan.

"Looks like the Major's got something."

"Maybe…"

"Come on…" said Steve, goading. Kaidan took another drink and nodded.

"Alright…I was on a winter exercise in the beginning of my officer's training. We spent four weeks in the bush in the Canadian arctic. We're turned out for morning inspection. The CO is three guys down to my right looking him over when this puff of snowflakes flies in front of me from the right. I have no idea what's happened but the guys standing across from me are going red and trying not to piss themselves laughing. The kicker is you cannot move when you're at attention for an inspection. The CO gets to the guy to my right and evenly says, 'The barrel of your rifle's dirty. Clean it.' I'll never forget the way he said, 'Yes, sir.' The CO did the last two inspections and dismissed us. I turn to look at the poor guy and he's standing dead still with this stone cold expression on but there are tears running down his cheeks. The pine branch overhead had dropped its payload square on his head. He's got six inches of snow on his beret and shoulders and there's a two inch cork of snow on the barrel of his bloody rifle. The guys standing across from him had to change their skivvies and I have never laughed so hard in my life." Most everyone was helping themselves to a sturdy dose of laughter. Shepard had to wipe water away from the corners of her eyes.

"What about you, Shepard? You have to have done something a little crazy at some point in your life." James said, still cooling off from Kaidan's anecdote. Shepard shook her head.

"You mean other than take down Saren and Sovreign, the Collectors, and a Reaper horde? The craziest stuff I've done in my life you guys have been there for." Shepard stated.

"Bullshit," said James. "Everybody kicks loose at some point."

"No good fodder for conversation?" Steve asked. Shepard was looking for something but couldn't come up with anything truly funny.

"Not like that. There's nothing really funny that I was around for. It was all pretty serious."

"There has to be something…" Kaidan said. Jenna cocked her head to the side. In a 'round about way the story she remembered might work.

"Well, there was this one night…"

"Yeah?" James said, curious. Kaidan sent him a pointed look.

"It was on rec time after an exercise during basic. All I can tell you about it is…I was so canned…I can't remember her name." A few listeners were unfortunate enough to be in the midst of a drink when she said it. James was _almost_ speechless.

"You mean…you…?"

"I know something happened. We're out letting loose and some of our guys decide to sneak a few locals back into barracks. Out comes a deck of cards and a 60 of tequila. Things go blank after that. Next thing I know, I'm sporting a cigarette burn I'm pretty sure was my fault and I'm in bed beside this girl - I think – who's wearing the craziest makeup you've ever seen. My clothes are gone." Shepard recalled. Kaidan looked at her, shock plain on his face. _So that's where that scar came from…OW!_ thought Kaidan.

"You 'think' it was a girl?" Jack said. Shepard nodded.

"Looked like it, but I…don't know…"

"Just want to make sure I'm not hearing things. You did say 'her'." Kaidan said. Jenna looked to him with a mischievous smile on.

"Sure did."

"I would not have called that," he said.

"Well, it had never happened before and hasn't happened since, so you didn't miss anything."

"Tali's chances aren't as bad as she thought they'd be." Steve observed. Jenna was surprised.

"Has she been propositioning everybody who walked in?"

"No. She's mostly just talking about you…and Garrus."

"No love." Kaidan quipped. Shepard smiled, taking hold of his hand.

"Just wondering, are we talking about a human, or are we talking about like, an asari…or quarian?" James inquired. The look Kaidan gave him this time was little more severe.

"Plain old fashioned human, James."

"Anything happen earlier in the night?" Jacob asked. Shepard shrugged her shoulders.

"If it weren't for the tequila, I'd probably be able to tell you."

"Whose brilliant idea was it to break out the tequila?" Jacob asked. Shepard responded wearing a grin that screamed trouble.

"That would be mine."

v

Biotics vs. Physical Conditioning

"What's going on here? Sounds like we have a disagreement happening." Shepard said, approaching the group gathered on the landing.

"Maybe you can settle it, Shepard. James was just explaining how physical conditioning trumps biotics."

"Really? You're goin' there, James?"

"C'mon, Lola! You gotta go with me on this one. Biotics are strong but unpredictable…all that cooling down…"

"Shepard, where do you find this guy?" Jacob asked, incredulous.

"I certainly don't find biotics unpredictable, don't think the Reapers I've tangled with would either." Kaidan said defensively.

"Ah, but person can improve their physique. Biotics? They are what they are. And what about flawed implants? Wearing you out, breaking down…"

"What? You're not talking about me, are you? I may be using L2s but I have worked very hard. I can Reave now…"

"Really? That's…nah…" Jacob said, disbelieving. It was incredibly rare that anyone could improve their capacity to channel biotic current.

"Yeah." Kaidan answered.

"That's a bit…strange…"

"Okay, okay. Maybe it's not conditioning, exactly. Maybe it's just the condition of one James Vega! Right, Miranda? Hey, Liara?...Check it out. This guy here never has to cool down. In fact, the hotter, the better." James said, giving his pectorals an exhibitive flex.

"Please tell me we're still talking about combat." Kaidan said.

"Where did you find this one, Shepard? I want one." Miranda whispered. _You want him? He's all yours,_ thought Shepard.

"Hilarious."

"Just hush and do some sit-ups," said Kasumi, appearing behind James from nowhere.

"Kasumi…!" said Jacob, surprised by her appearance from thin air.

"Just looking."

"Ugh…Goddess."

"What's it gonna be, Shepard?" Jacob pressed. Shepard put her hands up.

"Sorry, gents, I have to say, unless you can hit a target you can't see coming, it doesn't make much difference. Stealth wins. Every time. Ask Kasumi, if you can find her." Shepard grinned, taking a drink.

"Hey!" Kaidan exclaimed in surprise, having felt a pinch on his behind. He jumped a little forward and laughed. Shepard let out a short laugh.

"I think I've made my point."

v

"Wrex, can I ask you a favor?"

"What do you want, Shepard?"

"Major Alenko...if anything happens to me, can you make sure that...just once in his life...he has the opportunity to headbutt a Krogan?"

"By human standards, you are one strange female. But that's why I like you so well. Will do, Shepard. Will do."

v

Shepard approached the top of the terrace steps and froze, momentarily mortified. In short order she had the corner of her mouth twisted up into an affectionate smile. She still loved him just the same. She also had no right to be critical, considering how she fared on a dance floor. But, what she had just seen…needed to be seen to be believed.

v

As Liara made for the door she hooked her arm into Shepard's, pulling her along.

"I saw that look, you know. And I know exactly who it was for."

"Don't say a word about it."

"That's a big mistake, Shepard. You've just given the Shadow Broker something I like to call leverage."

"Are you...? You're blackmailing me! Best of luck with that." Liara laughed, as if it were a matter of light humor.

"Kaidan...!" Liara called. Shepard's eyes went wide momentarily then narrowed.

"I will kill you."

"Shepard!" Liara replied incredulously and under her breath, finding the pinch amusing.

"Ladies...?" Kaidan said when he stopped behind Shepard. Shepard turned around and smiled nervously.

"Just thought you might want to..." Liara began. Shepard cut in.

"...Say good-bye before she left." Kaidan looked between the two of them.

"What were you actually talking about?"

"Girl's talk." Liara replied mischievously. Kaidan was taken aback, one eyebrow up in surprise. Shepard was sure colour had drained from her face.

"I didn't expect that." Kaidan stated. Shepard rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Niether did I. Good night, Liara."

"Night, you two."

"Good night. Be safe getting back." Kaidan said. He turned to Shepard.

"I don't want to know."

"What?"

"That sounded to me, like 'I'll kill you' and 'You'll have to find me first'. So long as it won't get me killed, I don't want to know." Shepard puts her hands up with an expression on her face that said, 'Whatever you like'. Kaidan reached for a hand as they walked back into the apartment proper. They stopped and stood where the hall opened up into the living area.

Kaidan put hands on her hips and pulled her close. Shepard was hesitant.

"Everyone's out cold...or asleep." he said under his breath. Shepard smiled. _No rest for the wicked._

v

"Wow. Look who's still here."

"Mm hmn. Is it morning?" Shepard asked. Kaidan laughed.

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yes." Shepard exhaled and woke herself up.

"How you feeling?"

"Why don't you scootch a little closer and find out for yourself?" A good-morning kiss. No better thing in the galaxy to wake up to.

"Oh...that is tempting." Kaidan laughed, sitting up as Shepard stretched herself out.

"Come on," he said jovially, stretching out. Shepard slid across the bed, cozying up behind him.

"What I wouldn't give to lie here with you all day." Kaidan put his hand over hers, smiling affectionately. Both moved after a long silence and a deep breath. Shepard paused a moment.

"Kaidan, wait a second." He turned to face her. Her arms slid over his shoulders and wrapped around him. He pulled her in tight and the two stood flush together for minutes that seemed much longer to them.

"What is it, Shepard?" he asked. Shepard wrestled with the expression on her face, having it barely restrained when she pulled back to face him.

"Nothing kicking the Reaper's asses n' living to tell the tale won't fix." There was weight on their shoulders again. Kaidan nodded.

_Shields up_, thought Shepard. They headed for the kitchen hand in hand.

v

"Let's go through the wreckage," said Shepard.

"I'm making coffee. Who wants some?" Kaidan announced loudly. Shepard smirked. She wished they had a megaphone.

"Right here," she said, raising her hand and pointing toward the pile of cushions on the couch as she turned Steve out from underneath.

Shepard took the hot cup and dropped in two ice cubes. She stirred with the tip of her finger until they were gone and downed the whole cup in one go. Kaidan handed Steve a cup.

"Thanks, Major." They both had eyes on Shepard as the last of her coffee disappeared down the hatch. Kaidan cleared his throat.

"That was good coffee." said Kaidan, indignant.

"Sorry. Just wanted the caffeine. Pour me another one?...I'll drink it properly." Kaidan rolled his eyes.

"You don't have to humor me, Shepard."

"Well, we're all out of tea, so I'm making due."

"What kind d'you drink?" Steve asked.

"Earl Grey."

"Really?" Kaidan asked, disbelieving and seeing where it might be going.

"No joke. Really."

v

Shepard found Garrus curled up in a shaded and sheltered nook by the window as he groggily woke to the movement in the apartment.

"Eggs are done!" Kaidan called out from the kitchen.

"If he keeps up with that perky attitude, I'm gonna shoot him." Garrus growled. Shepard laughed, trying to keep it subdued for Garrus' sake.

"What do turians take for headaches?"

"Where's the scotch?"

"'Hair o' the dog', eh?"

"What?"

"'Hair of the dog that bit you'?...Nevermind. I'll see if I can find it."

"Hair of the...dog that..." Garrus said stiltedly, daring to let himself laugh despite his screeching headache. _Oh, I like that one_, he thought.

v

Wrex's Troubles

Shepard's attention was drawn to the bar. It looked like Wrex, standing at the far end.

"Wrex! What're you doing here?" His skull plate made contact with the glass sounding an unfortunate crunch.

"Ugh...escaping…Ever since we cured the genophage it's been nothing but work."

"The Council been putting you through the wringer?"

"Argh, no. Not those pyjak shit-slingers. No, it's the...it's the females, Shepard, now that they're fertile again...ohh, I haven't slept in...I don't know how long." The bartender approached, her demeanor resentful. Shepard would have to offer to pay for the damages later.

"Can I get you two anything?"

"Two more drinks and another bag of ice."

"The first thing I never thought I'd hear a Krogan say. I thought you'd be enjoying the..._perks_ of Krogan fertility."

"Enjoying it? There's a line of females outside my dwelling right now! Stretches on as far as you can see! I had to sneak out my own bathroom window! Even then, I was cornered by two more females on the ride from Tuchanka."

"It's just you? They're not spreading the love around?"

"Sure, but seems like everyone wants their firstborn in generations to be strong and fit! I'm the leader of Clan Urdnot. I brought an end to the genophage. Everyone on Tuchanka wants a piece of me. And Bakara's no help at all! She...encourages it!"

"You can't...help...everyone, Wrex. Bear with it. Eventually, the line will shrink...or just say something."

"Here's your drinks...and another bag of ice," the bartender announced grimly. Wrex gave Shepard a pointed look. Looking between the bag of ice and Wrex, Shepard turned away and smiled crookedly as Wrex...carefully placed the ice where it needed to be.

"Have you ever tried to tell a female you don't want to...? Maybe I should've talked to Alenko, seeing as you're after him all the time."

Shepard almost choked on her drink.

"You know...when one of us doesn't...I'd never get any sleep if...hold on. What makes you think we're...at it…'all the time'?"

"You're together every night. Do humans have some enviable ability to substitute it for sleep?"

"So...krogans don't share a bed when they're not...?"

"No. Not usually."

"I guess that makes sense. Wrex, we don't have...hard edges like you do. Sleeping beside a human is...comfortable."

"Oh. I uh, well, Alenko's not quite the male I thought he was. I figured he had that in common with a Krogan." Shepard was more offended by the affront to Kaidan's dignity than her own. Glancing down momentarily she decided getting into a tussle with a krogan without armour on was unwise at best.

"Hang on a sec. Are you telling me that you've based what you think of me on a Krogan-like appetite for...?"

"Maybe..."

"Look, Wrex, I may be a little more...interested...than most human females, but I'd call my appetite healthy. Not excessive, but definitely not…lacking. And, how the _heck_ do you know where we sleep?"

"As long as you're...healthy...that's...good. Uh..."

"Did Kaidan say something to you?"

"No. It was Traynor...at the party..." Shepard dropped her forehead into her palm.

"She's almost as bad as Tali..."

"Relax, Shepard. They were too drunk to remember anyway." She certainly hoped so.

"Look, try talking to Bakara again. Something organic isn't meant to be, ah, used that often. You don't want to wear yourself raw and be out of commission. She'll figure something out." Shepard knocked back the shot Wrex had ordered. She signaled the bartender for another.

"Shepard, you don't know what she's like. I'd rather face a Reaper."

"I could come up with a really big mission...or two...or three...to keep you away from Tuchanka."

"They're already...frustrated...and you want me to keep them waiting?"

"Right. Sorry. Bad idea." Shepard laughed and found an amusing question crossed her mind, making her laugh again.

"Glad you're finding this so funny, Shepard."

"No, I feel for you, Wrex. I just asked myself why any man in his right mind would look forward to a lineup of 72 virgins. It's a human thing."

"Virgins?...rrrgh…" - another crunch from the glass - "...They're the worst ones." Shepard thought she could detect just a hint of fear.

"What? Why?"

"They never let you get away with just once." Shepard couldn't help herself. That was funny. Really funny. This time Wrex was laughing too.

"I'm telling you, Shepard, I'm in no shape to fight Reapers." Shepard had to recover from laughing to answer.

"You'll get through it, Wrex. Somehow."

"So will you, Shepard. So will you."

"I'll drink to that."

"To getting through it."

"To getting through it."

"Besides, you have to pull through. You've got a family now...a really...really...big family."

"Arrrgh! _More ICE_!"

v

May the Best Soldier Win

"Joker. You said it was urgent. What's going on?" Shepard stepped into the spectator's box near the C-Sec training ring.

"Thought you'd want to know who's in the ring." Shepard looked out. James stood opposite Kaidan. She smiled. The two had been dying sort this out.

"So, Commander...we're taking bets. Care to weigh in?"

"If you were anyone else I'd smack you upside the head. Asking me a question like that." Shepard reached into a pocket and tossed a credit card into Joker's lap.

"How much is on here?"

"Enough to sweeten the pot," she said and walked away.

"On who?" Joker called after her.

"_Guess_!" Shepard shouted darkly. Joker smiled as he turned the card over. Almost instantly he dropped it.

v

As Shepard stepped into the gallery beside the ring, a path cleared. She stepped up ringside as Kaidan walked over.

"I know what you're not here to do." Shepard smiled.

"Seriously, who do you think will win?"

"I think there's no safe bet in this match. You're two remarkably skilled and talented people. At any moment things could go either way. Just know, that no matter what your odds are, my money's on you. When you turn around there's only one thing you want - _victory_." The look on her face said, without doubt, _Win. _Kaidan extended a hand. Shepard shook it, seeing the welts, cuts, scars and scrapes on it. She allowed herself a sideways and confident smile, meeting his eyes again. They let go and she stepped back from the ring. Moving toward the centre Shepard nodded to each combatant. They approached each other.

"May the best soldier win," she said evenly. Shepard nodded. The two shook hands and returned to the edge of the ring. Shepard moved to stand steadily at Kaidan's back, focused intently on the combatants. Whoever won would be partying hardy tonight.

v

Don't Leave Me Behind

Kaidan let himself go slack, lying down by her side. Shepard ran fingers through his hair, letting her hand rest on his neck, enjoying the feeling of his pulse under the skin. She put a kiss to his cheek, finding his eyes closed when she pulled back. She ran the flat of her index finger up from the bridge of his nose to the centre of his forehead. The muscles underneath relaxed. He quickly let go of all expression. Peaceful. Jenna closed her eyes and followed suit.

Kaidan found his eyes open. He didn't remember waking up. She wasn't beside him. He started and sat up. She stood at the end of the bed, facing and staring right. Unmoving. The cabin was unsettlingly devoid of sound. She looked toward him. As she did her expression was blank. She laid eyes on him and her eyes warmed. She smiled. Then she looked forward again and stepped out…into space. The side of the cabin was missing. Ripped away, by an explosion. She was floating away and he couldn't move fast enough to grab her. Holding on to a piece of the hull as he felt himself start to lift away, he looked after her. She was falling away, arms outstretched. Not beckoning. Letting go. He moved to push himself out after her and she put one hand up meaning for him to stop. She shook her head.

_Don't._

_Don't leave me behind._

_This is who I am. You knew that, a long time ago, and you're still here._

Kaidan was suddenly wide awake with Jenna thoroughly asleep, wrapped in his arm. A feeling he thought he'd left behind was trying to get at his heart. Touching her face, he tried to gently move her, trying to get her to wake up. He couldn't bring himself to say her name louder than he was. Curling his hands into fists, he started to shake, eyes tightly shut - the feeling getting the better of him. One particularly bad twitch of the arm she was asleep on and Shepard opened her eyes.

"Kaidan?" she said, groggy. His eyes shot open and he took in a breath, pulling her in close to his chest. His grip was uncomfortably tight. She put one hand over his heart. It was hard to distinguish one beat from the next. With her arms folded between them she couldn't reach anything else.

"Kaidan, relax a little."

"Shepard…just…"

She moved herself into a slightly better fitted position, breathing deep and keeping herself calm, hoping it might prove contagious. She put a kiss to his chest and relaxed into his grasp. His heartbeat started to slow, breath came easier, and soon the shaking was nearly gone.

There wasn't much question what this had been about. Something that has you holding on tight, usually starts with being forced to let go.

Shepard met his eyes, awake and aware of every expression he moved through.

"What can I do?" she asked.

"Don't get up without waking me," he said, following it with a kiss. Shepard smiled sleepily.

"I won't. Promise."

v

Stealth Wins, Every Time

"Shepard, I want to ask you about something." Shepard took in a deep breath, not realizing how shallow she was breathing digging through the war room interface on her personal terminal.

"Hi. What's up?"

"What Wrex said at the party..."

"Who would win in a fight?"

"Yeah. And then your comment about neither of us hitting something we can't see. Got me thinking. And I think I've got something." Shepard nodded slowly, not taking long to see where this was headed.

"You need someone to take a few lumps to help you get it ready for combat." Kaidan nodded. Shepard put on a subdued grin, locked out her terminal and closed it down.

"Suit up. I'll meet you down in the cargo hold. Vega and Cortez were gone a couple hours ago."

v

Shepard tossed Kaidan two small devices, keeping one in each of her own hands.

"What are these?"

"Mass effect field generators. They'll shield the rest of the cargo bay from whatever we're up to. We just have to try to keep any carbon scoring off the deck."

"And what the heck are you wearing?"

"Prototype suit. You think I had a collection of the most diversely skilled people in the galaxy on board a cramped ship for more than a year and didn't try to learn something from them? I spent a lot of time with Thane. And Zaeed. Mordin was helping me put this together before we parted ways. He made a few more modifications when he wasn't focused on Eve...sadly it's nowhere near ready to deploy. But we can use it to train. In addition to your usual shield, each plate is covered by a secondary mass effect field that works like a cushioning bubble. If the force of impact is below a certain threshold the fields are ineffective. Like in the case of a punch or actual kick. But if you take a heavier hit, or a biotic attack, they cushion you almost perfectly." Shepard said. Kaidan nodded.

"Alright. Let's outline the arena." Kaidan said. Shepard smiled, unseen under her helmet. They placed the generators in a wide rectangle around the launch chute. Shepard booted her omni-tool and powered up the field generators.

"One weapon each. Pistols. Let's see what the idea is," said Shepard, tossing him the second pistol she carried. Kaidan nodded. Taking a cloaking device out of a pouch he attached it to a small crate. The crate disappeared in his hands. He tossed it out into the middle of the arena. It took a moment but he let loose something that looked like a cross between a crude biotic kick and a barrier. The biotic energy swept along the floor of the cargo bay and after a moment wrapped itself around the crate and sent it rolling, uninterrupted anywhere else. Shepard went wide-eyed.

"Biotic sonar."

"Exactly…"

"This still won't help you with a sniper."

"No. But if I find myself in close combat, the way you did with Kai Leng..."

"You won't have to disable his cloak to find him. And your opponent will think they're still hidden."

"You could let me finish a sentence."

"Sorry. I'm like Mordin. Saying it aloud helps get my head into and around it."

"It needs to be a lot weaker - fine-tuned - and I need to be able to do it while eyeball deep in trouble."

"I think I can help you there. How weak?"

"Weak enough they can't see it, or feel it."

"If they can't see it, how can you?" Kaidan took his helmet off.

"With these. Brooks left a few belongings in the crew quarters. Kinda feels like they planned to stay." Kaidan smiled and laughed. He was wearing a set of contacts like the ones Shepard had used to infiltrate the Casino offices.

"Won't a biotic enemy blind you wearing those things?"

"No. They can be calibrated to display a specific set of frequencies. I just have to figure out where my threshold is." Shepard nodded. That needed a human test subject but not actual combat.

"Let's get started." Shepard walked out into the centre of the ring, standing straight and still. "Set. Hit me."

Kaidan nodded. He let loose and Shepard fell like a bowling pin square in the path of the ball, bouncing a couple of times before coming to rest on the ground. He ran up.

"You okay?" Shepard gave in. She couldn't keep herself from laughing freely. That would have looked ridiculous.

"And the savior of the galaxy's…down for the count," said Shepard between bouts of laughter. Kaidan was leaning over her, knees bent, hands on them, laughing. He offered Shepard a hand up.

"Thanks. Sorry. Didn't expect that. I'll brace myself this time." Shepard gave her head a shake, took in a breath and braced herself in position. Taking a deep breath she curbed the laughter. Kaidan faced her at the top of the chute.

"Set?" he asked.

"Set."

v

"Feel that?" Shepard opened her eyes and stood to relax for a moment, moving to loosen her spine.

"Not really. Kind of. Don't know that I would know what I was feeling in combat. I couldn't see anything." Kaidan nodded.

"Then we'll call that the upper limit. For now."

v

"Kaidan, hold for a minute."

"What it is, Shepard?"

"You keep trying to look toward sounds but you're getting it wrong too often. When you do, almost 10 times out of 10, you look left."

Kaidan laughed.

"Then let's step back a bit. See if we can break that habit," he said. Shepard nodded, laughing a little.

"We'll have to switch things up while ashore too."

v

As Shepard was in the air on her way up to the rafter, Kaidan caught her foot and pulled her back toward the ground. Shepard deftly pulled a concussive flashbang from her belt, the blast putting Kaidan off his feet. Shepard hit the ground and quickly found her feet.

Shepard stepped up, offering Kaidan a hand. He took it and picked himself up.

"I have to increase the frequency. I'm surprised, Shepard. You're moving way too fast."

"Thane's to thank for that. Think you can keep it under control? And are you willing to give up more offensive energy? That's not a real weakness here, but, out there…"

"There's no better time to figure out how to balance it out."

"Maybe, but my ass wishes there was a _better_ way," said Shepard, laughing and putting a hand on her lower back. She gave one leg a shake and moved to the other end of the chute, taking up a starting position and activating her cloak. Kaidan laughed, standing at the ready.

v

As Shepard took aim with her pistol, she lost her cloak. Kaidan was bringing his pistol up. She didn't have to wait for a good shot. At this range a poorly aimed shot to the chest was as lethal as a well-aimed shot to the head. She pulled the trigger. Kaidan fell. It was the first time they had opened fire. Kaidan wasn't sure what to do with mess of emotions tearing at his heart. Jenna walked up holding out a hand.

"You took the shot," he said, not moving. Jenna stepped sideways and sat beside him, leaving more space between them than she liked to.

"Yeah."

"You lied."

"No. At the time, it was true. I wish like hell it still was."

"Maybe this was a bad idea."

"How many pieces of Reaper salvage are on board right now?"

"Two."

"Right. Seems like every time I turn up a stone, I find someone else indoctrinated. Not here, on board, but…Kaidan, we're not immune. _What if_ one of these days you find out _I'm_ indoctrinated? You're the only person around who can pull a trigger to stop me."

"I hate this war." Shepard rested her helmet between her hands.

"So do I. I also wouldn't choose to be anywhere else."

"Neither would I." Shepard exhaled heavily. Somehow those truths would have to co-exist.

"We done for today?" Kaidan nodded, taking the hand Shepard offered to help him up. The look in his eyes was unpleasant to see.

"Yeah."

v

Later

"Shepard, shooting in practice is very different from a shot you know will kill." Shepard pulled her shirt off tossing it onto the chair by the bedside.

"Kaidan, shooting you would be like shooting myself. Can I do it? Yes. Should what's left of me afterward be considered alive? No." The thought made her want to escape his sight. Made her feel small and weak. Kaidan stepped over, putting a hand on her shoulder. She reached for an embrace.

War forces us to answer questions normally unthinkable. Its horrors limited only by the vilest things we can imagine doing to one another.

v

Round 2

Before Shepard could make the leap over the crate and out of sight, she felt a tug on her arm. The next instant she was pulled backward and thrown to the floor. Kaidan was coming down on her and she tried to pry herself up off the ground to move out from under the strike but he had her biotically pinned. He pulled the punch a hair's breadth away from her chest. If he'd been using his omni-tool the blow would have been a killer. He stood and offered her a hand. Shepard didn't take it and got herself up.

"Shepard, I'm sorry if…"

"Kaidan." Her tone was firm and cold. She took a breath.

"Don't apologize. I'm not your CO. Or someone you love. I'm your enemy. I intend to kill you."

Kaidan's eyes went wide a moment.

"Shepard, I didn't mean it that way. I just did it." Shepard shook her head.

"That's not my meaning either. I mean that this is almost ready. It's time to stop pulling punches, put courtesy away, and treat it that way. What d'you think?" Kaidan nodded.

"Alright. Set?" Shepard smiled and put herself in position.

"Set."

v

Shepard escaped from view, perching herself out of view on one of the overhead rafters. Kaidan was below, moving, with eyes wide open for an attack that might come from anywhere. Time seemed to be passing strangely. She had to find a way in.

He had an ace up his sleeve to defend against the best tricks in her book. The movements that preceded his attacks had become far less exaggerated. He could go from sonar to a full force attack and back smoothly. His ability to channel biotic energy had expanded. Dedicating energy to 'seeing in the dark' no longer had any effect on his offensive capabilities. Shepard smiled. It was time to stop concentrating on helping him perfect new tricks and focus on coming up with new ones of her own.

She forcibly slowed her breathing, but her mind was still racing. Her heart was pounding from something other than physical exertion. Exhilaration. The feeling that had her heart pounding wasn't embarrassment, resentment or shame. It was pride. Game. Set. _Goal_.

The next time they came down here, it would be on truly even ground.

Shepard moved, coming down at his back. He'd heard it. He caught her arm and moved to throw her forward. She used his own momentum against him, putting him to the ground beside her and rolled away, out of his reach. She stood and put her hands out. His movements slowed when he saw it. He stood and stepped up to her.

"Done for tonight?" he asked. Shepard nodded, a slight smile on. They took down the arena and headed up to the cabin.

v

Ken ran up behind her and handed Gabby the last datapad. He stopped in place, seeing a bright blue flash down in the cargo hold.

"Gabs, did you see that?" he asked, nodding toward the bay. Gabby frowned and stepped up to the window.

"What are you on about, Kenneth?"

"I thought I…"

It happened again. They watched as Shepard was thrown against the near side of the ring. Major Alenko charged in from the direction she'd come. Before his strike hit she set off a flashbang and disappeared from sight. Ken was momentarily gobsmacked.

"Holy…shit." He snapped his gaze to Gabby, wearing an expression that belonged on a kid at Christmas. The two dropped their datapads making a mad dash for the elevator.

v

Ken rounded the corner into sight of the crowded mess table. Half the sets of eyes at the table looked at him.

"Git yer asses down to the cargo bay! Shepard's fightin' the Major!"

Every soul at the table peeled away and ran for the elevator. James took the first bite of his sandwich as the elevator's doors closed on its tight-packed cargo.

v

Shepard broke her own rule and opened communications.

"We have company."

"Wonder who they're betting on?" Kaidan asked. Shepard laughed.

"If they aren't betting on _someone_ I'll kick their collective asses clear into the next cycle." Kaidan chuckled, breathing deep.

"You set, Shepard?"

"Set."

The link went dead.

v

Kaidan put his back to the nearest side of the ring, keeping a crate near for cover. Shepard had eyes on him. He could have his helmet pointed in one direction but be looking anywhere else in a 160 degree field. The moment she was close enough to the edge of it, she moved. He heard her boots hit the deck and before he looked her way she was out of sight and sonar. She was either under the launch chute or hidden behind the set of crates he'd kept near. Can't use cover you can't trust. The crates were arranged in a way that if only one was moved the rest would fall. Latching on biotically, he pulled it out of place. It hit the far side of the ring. Shepard was up and over the moving crates before he'd gone back to sonar. He saw her set foot on the ground and pull her pistol. He dodged to the side and closed the distance between them. Shepard set off a concussive flashbang between them that knocked them both down and ripped her pistol out of her hand, sending it skittering across the floor. She rolled and dropped off the edge of the launch chute.

Kaidan cleared his vision and stood, moving to keep his back to the edge of the ring, heart pounding. There were few places she could come back up under cover. He thought he saw a fluctuation in the waves he was sending out between the slats in the grill that made up the floor of the launch chute. He could launch an attack and enough would filter through to get at something underneath. The fluctuations changed position and he attacked. While he was concentrating on finding some indication of fallout from the attack, Shepard came above board cloaked, activating her omni-tool for a physical attack. Kaidan caught her arm and brought one leg up under her abdomen. He rolled with her momentum, and threw her, holding on to her omni-tooled arm. As he moved into place for a blow to the chest, she angled a kick directly for his faceplate. If he hadn't pulled back and let go of her arm, it would have been a dizzying hit.

Now or never. Shepard went for her pistol, resting a few feet away. Kaidan drew his own and let off a shot. Their shields dropped as each was knocked off their feet. The pistols automatically locked up. Match. Jenna caught some breath and stood. She walked up as he did the same. She activated her omni-tool and brought up the readout for the time her shields had dropped. Kaidan smiled. He brought his up for her to see.

Shepard: 00:26:13:07

Kaidan: 00:26:13:12

"Nicely done, Commander."

"Pretty good yourself, Major."

"Tie?"

"Not on your life."

Facing the crowd Shepard took hold of his wrist and hoist the arm into the air, eyes bright with a grin on. A cheer went up. Shepard let go and deactivated the shields around the ring. As the clapping started up Shepard stepped aside and joined in. She was one of the last to stop. The two started taking off helmets. Kaidan faced the crew.

"Next time we're all ashore first rounds are on me." Another rounds of cheers. James spoke up, jogging over.

"I'll hold you to it, sir." Kaidan smiled. That was going to be one expensive glass of well-aged tequila.

"You got it, James." James laughed and smiled.

"Yeah-hah." The two shook hands.

"Commander." James nodded to Shepard and rejoined the others. The noise and bustle of bet exchanging went on in the background. She stepped in close beside Kaidan as he looked her way.

"I'd say we've accomplished what we set out to. Let's celebrate." Shepard said, extending a hand. Kaidan shook it, nodding.

"Let's go."


	7. Mass Effect 3 Extras - Leviathan & Omega

Leviathan &amp; Ω

Dock 42

Kaidan stood at the nav terminal in the cockpit, uploading the remainder of the coordinates they had retrieved from Dr. Bryson's lab. Footsteps dressed in non-military footwear sounded on the gangway. He took his attention away from the terminal and set down the datapad he was holding. It was Shepard, dressed in jeans, leather jacket and a loose shirt. Their gazes met and he fell in beside her as the decon bay doors opened.

"Where're you headed?" he asked. Shepard smiled.

"A meet with Aria T'Loak," she replied, moving to step into the decon bay. Kaidan took her by the arm, stopping her.

"Alone?" The decon bay doors tried to shut themselves but opened again when sensors detected interference. The two put themselves inside the bay to let the doors close.

"Yes. Alone. If there was a choice in the matter…"

"I know, Shepard. Doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Don't worry. No one's getting shot today. I'd say Aria has a vested interest in keeping me alive." Shepard said, a restrained smile on. Kaidan brought her in close, arms wrapped tight around her as he kissed her. Letting out a resigned breath as their lips parted, he shook his head slightly. One hand went under the back of her shirt, resting on the knives she had strapped and sheathed there.

"'No one's getting shot', huh?"

"They won't be shot." Shepard smirked. Even half-truths were no good here.

"Wearing your omni-blade?" _Oh for cryin' out loud_, Shepard thought.

"That goes without saying. How do I say this without…" Shepard let out a sigh. "I've survived Omega's streets without you watching my back. I'll be fine." Kaidan frowned and stepped back some, keeping one hand around her back.

"You had Garrus and others in your crew with you."

"I'm talking a lot further back than that." Shepard said. Kaidan looked puzzled.

"What do you mean?" Shepard shook her head.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you about it when I get back." There was only one long story he hadn't heard yet.

"I'm gonna hold you to it." Shepard nodded and smiled as she hit the holo-panel to open the exterior hatch.

"Alright…I'll be walking back in before you know it."

v

Shepard stepped out of the aircar and accepted a small datacard from Bray.

"These are the coordinates for the command ship. Rendezvous there in two hours."

Shepard took the card and pocketed it, turning to go. Bray stood with his arms crossed as he watched her go. Scoffing, he mused,

"Can't wait to see what all the fuss is about."

Shepard couldn't help smiling as she walked away.

_Keep all four of your beady black eyes open, and buckle in tight._

v

Joker turned back to see for himself who it was as she walked back through the hatch. Surveillance feeds might lie.

"That was fast," he observed. Shepard stepped up behind the pilot's seat, between him and EDI. She handed EDI the datacard.

"That's where we're headed. Now. Rendezvous with the command ship. I'll disembark there and send word from the Embassy when I'm back." Shepard explained. Familiar footsteps fell on the gangway.

"Shepard. That was quick." Kaidan. Joker turned away from Shepard and tried to get smaller in his seat.

"Oh shit," he said. Shepard looked at Joker critically. She took in a fresh breath and faced Kaidan. He looked on, eyes moving back and forth between the two.

"What?"

"We're heading for a rendezvous with Aria's fleet. I'm disembarking there to retake Omega." Kaidan froze.

"May I speak with you in private, Commander?" His tone was restrained. Shepard tensed and nodded, intending to head to the Captain's cabin.

"Of course."

v

"You expect me to _stay here_ and _do nothing_?" he demanded, voice a few decibels louder than normal. Shepard couldn't help but feel impressed - their first shouting match. At least shouting about something like this kept in perspective how…unimportant…the mundane things they might argue about were.

"_No_. Of the 12 possible locations Dr. Garneau might be found, Liara's narrowed it down further to two. A research outpost in the Aysur System being the more likely of the two. Find Garneau and bring me up to speed when I'm back on board." Kaidan was wide-eyed.

"Orders."

"Yes." Kaidan took a breath in and let it out, his expression angry and movements tense. He turned to leave the cabin.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Kaidan…Being in command and on point for something like Leviathan doesn't beat hovering around the Citadel twiddling thumbs?" she asked.

"It's a smoke-screen, Shepard. You're keeping me busy." Shepard put on a half-smile, suddenly feeling much less in command.

"Where's the man who can't stop looking at the bright side while I'm around?" Kaidan paused a moment, putting together the honest answer.

"He's letting you walk off in the hands of the worst scum in the known universe…to _attempt_ to take control of a space station away from, arguably, the worst thing humanity has let loose on the galaxy." Shepard took a breath. He wasn't wrong.

"He's also stepping out of a shadow. Somewhere you chose to stand without hesitation in exchange for the chance to serve on the Normandy again. Finding the light a little blinding?" she asked. Kaidan didn't know what to say.

"Take the opportunity. Take command. _When I get back_, let me know how it goes," she said. Shepard couldn't help a smile. Kaidan sighed and shook his head, eyeing Shepard critically.

"Is it still an order?" he said. Shepard shook her head.

"No. Whatever you decide, I'll respect it…Listen, I did it without you. You can do it without me. And...just a 'heads up': your psyche is going be kicking and screaming about it like a little kid the whole way." Kaidan smiled and nodded, standing himself up straight.

"I noticed," he said. Shepard set the cases she'd be carrying with her to the side as she stood and reached out for Kaidan, stepping in close. She kissed him like she might not get another chance.

"Watch yourself," he whispered, looking her in the eye. She nodded.

"Don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone." The two allowed themselves subdued laughs as they stepped apart. Shepard picked up the cases with her weapons and armour and joined Kaidan in the elevator.

v

The elevator opened onto the CIC and Shepard stepped out. The doors closed on Kaidan behind her. He was destined for the crew deck and a briefing with Liara.

v

Ω

"What's the history between you like?"

"Some mutually beneficial dealings and some occasional violence. The Talons weren't even a blip on our radar until the plague in 2185. Your little war against the other gangs left a vacuum…"

"Wasn't my intention." Shepard interjected. Even things that seemed beneficial to a populace at the time can have unpleasant implications later. After all, burn a garden to the ground and the _weeds_ are the first to bounce back.

"Their leader, Darius, took advantage, carving himself out a bigger piece of the local drug trade."

"I don't like them already. Are we enlisting them because they're good or because we need numbers?"

"They're cannon fodder. We're using them because they're the only game in town." Aria said coldly. Shepard smiled.

"You're lucky I left my moral compass on the Normandy."

"You're learning fast, Shepard: this is how it works on Omega…"

v

The Normandy

Kaidan walked up behind the pilot's seat. Joker didn't even turn around before he spoke.

"No, sir. Nothing."

"That wasn't what I came up here for."

"Of course not. You were 'not asking', very loudly." Kaidan sighed and shook his head. _Alright._

"Thanks, Joker…An asari archaeological expedition went missing in the Phoenix System. We'll investigate what happened before heading back to the Citadel," he said. Joker was surprised. He'd been expecting a beeline back to the Citadel.

"Yes, sir." Joker said, preparing to enter FTL and make the jump through the relays.

"ETA is 16 hours, 26 minutes, Major." EDI informed him.

"Thank you, EDI."

v

Ω

The panel sparked, part of it going dim. The button to trigger an emergency shutdown was still lit. Maybe it could be rerouted, but it would take a mind better than hers. She looked at the button and instantly before the thought went through her head:

_No one on Omega is innocent._

Shepard shut the reactor down.

v

"I like to know what makes people tick. Especially someone I might…need something from, in the future. So come clean and stop messing with me - validating me one minute and judging me the next. Which is it, really?"

"Am I that hard to read?"

"I have lived for five hundred years, Shepard, and you may be the most compelling, dynamic being I've ever encountered. I have no idea where I stand with you. It has me…curious."

"Why do I think you'll be much less interested the moment I give you an answer?" Aria let out a frustrated sigh.

"If this is what it takes…" she said. Aria turned to her with an unreadable expression on her face. She took hold of Shepard by one shoulder and a cheek, pulling her into a kiss. _Wow_. Aria stepped back and looked away, eyes darting toward and away from her a few times. Shepard let out a surprised breath.

"Get your answer?" Genuinely frustrated now, Aria shook her head.

"No. Well, either way, thank you…for not interfering. Killing that man was deeply satisfying."

"I can relate…You have Omega, once again. Where does that leave your partner in crime?"

"Don't worry, Shepard. I honour my debts. You'll have all the ships, troops and eezo I promised you." Shepard nodded, grateful.

"Then I'll be going." Shepard said.

"Bray will take you back. Don't be a stranger, Shepard."

v

The Normandy

Kaidan took off his helmet as he stepped out of the decon bay, Garrus and James bringing a small crate in behind him. Science teams at work on the Crucible would be grateful to have their cargo in hand, once they made it back to the Citadel. Joker turned in his seat as if to greet them but said nothing. Kaidan looked his way and shook his head.

"Any word?" he asked.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" Joker asked, poking fun. Kaidan raised an eyebrow, otherwise unreadable.

"You have a great poker face. Can you give me a few pointers? James keeps cleaning me out." Kaidan stayed silent. Joker's stoic expression cracked and he smiled as he turned back to the flight panel.

"Good news, Major. At 01:53 hours, en route to deliver 5000 kilos of eezo to the Crucible construction site, a mercenary ship inbound from Omega delivered the Commander, safe and sound, to the Citadel. Course laid in, FTL and mass effect drives in the green and ready." Kaidan laughed and smiled.

"Go."

"Aye aye, sir."

v

"Commander! Omega - back in the hands of one of the most feared crimelords in the galaxy. Never thought I'd be glad to hear that." Shepard gave Joker a cool look.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said.

"Alright. That's…fair. Hunh." Joker replied, settling back into his seat. He wasn't used to being shut down so quickly. Kaidan approached, datapad in hand. Shepard stood herself at attention to return his salute.

"Welcome back, Commander."

"_Glad_ to be back." Kaidan handed her the datapad he carried.

"The report on what we found when we located Dr. Garneau." Shepard was excited. She made for the conference room. If Garneau was here, she wanted to talk.

"Is he on board?"

"No. He was dead before we arrived. A few days, at least." Shepard's intended destination quickly became the Captain's cabin.

"Was he in contact with anyone else working on the project before he died?" Kaidan nodded.

"He was still corresponding with a Dr. Ann Bryson up until a few days ago. She's the lead on a dig in the Pylos Nebula – also part of 'Project Scarab'." Shepard opened up the file and took a close look.

"Ann 'Bryson'? They're related. How?"

"She's his daughter…The employees at the facility were all indoctrinated, just like Derek Hadley. One of the researchers seemed to be under much stronger influence than the others. He pretended to _be_ Garneau before we found the man's body. He killed himself when he destroyed an artifact like the orb in Bryson's lab. When he did, everyone else at the facility returned to normal. Somehow, they thought it was the year 2176." Kaidan explained. Shepard let out a shocked breath. The elevator doors closed behind them.

"It feels good, helping those people gets their lives back. But, that's a lot of time to lose," he said. Shepard nodded.

"Yeah. I know the feeling." Kaidan shifted his gaze to her. That fact weighed down the heart.

"Let's make sure we never let time just…slip by, Shepard." She smiled and nodded.

"Never. A very good thing came from this – Ann Bryson's our next lead. We find her and she may be able to help us find Leviathan."

"I'm not sure we want to, Commander. If what affected those researchers was indoctrination…and the way the man who pretended to be Garneau talked? I'd bet my life on the fact that we're not looking for a weapon that kills Reapers. We're looking for a Reaper."

"A Reaper that broke ranks. We need to know why. If a Reaper can _decide_ not to be part of this conflict, maybe we can get others to think same way." Shepard closed the report and locked the pad.

"Liara's working on a system dump from all computers and datapads in Bryson's lab. She and EDI are using that to narrow our search area. So far there are three systems. She thinks she can narrow it down to one before we arrive." Shepard nodded. She brought up her omni-tool, opening a channel to Joker and EDI.

"Joker. Set course for the Pylos Nebula. I'll have a destination for you before we get there."

"Yes, Commander."

"Commander, our ETA for the Pylos Nebula is 10 hours, 7 minutes."

"That's _good_ news. Thank you, EDI." Shepard replied. Kaidan looked at Shepard, gauging.

The elevator opened onto the top deck. Shepard stepped into the cabin and shed her boots, taking a bottle of water out of a small cooler under the desk. Taking a long drink, she headed for the bed.

"So…how'd it go?" Kaidan asked, stepping down the stairs behind her.

"Could've gone better…" Shepard began, thinking back on shutting down the reactor, "…but we won. The Illusive Man's top military strategist is dead – even though I might've liked to ask him a few questions first…and Aria's…grateful. The first of the eezo she promised should arrive at the Crucible site soon, if it hasn't yet…She's already tasked sizeable mercenary fleets to opposing the Reapers across the Traverse…" Shepard trailed off, tossing the covers back on one side of the bed before throwing her jacket onto the chair behind her.

"Something else, Shepard?" Kaidan prompted. Shepard tersed her lips and shook her head.

"She…she kissed me." Kaidan's eyes went wide.

"Did you kiss her back?"

POFF

He took the pillow to the face and sighed, smiling and laughing. It fell neatly into his hands.

"That's why you didn't want to talk to Joker," he observed, laughing again. Shepard smiled.

"You and your extranet fetish sites I can handle. But Joker?…I don't think my self-respect would've come out unscathed." Kaidan chuckled as he took as seat on the other side of the bed and set her pillow down close to his. Shepard lay herself down and closed her eyes. Not unexpectedly, a hand shortly found her chin and a kiss touched her lips. She was genuinely sorry.

"It's been 76 hours and I _may_ have had three hours rest," she said, eyes closed, quickly sliding down into sleep. Kaidan laughed, letting his hand trail down her neck to rest flat on her chest…a warm, familiar feeling.

"Want company?" he asked. Shepard smiled slightly, almost asleep. Her reply was a whisper.

"I'd love some."

v

Leviathan

"I gotta say, I'm not liking this plan." Shepard leaned forward in the seat, elbows on her knees.

"Me neither. Got any better ideas?" Kaidan shook his head.

"If we'd brought the orb from Bryson's lab, I might." It was too bad there wasn't one lying around. Shepard nodded holding his gaze. She looked down a moment and when she met his eyes again she nodded. Shepard looked up and pressed the button that closed the hatch.

"I'll be alright."

v

Kaidan ducked under cover as the fireball hit the deck. Peering over cover as the smoke cleared, two brutes and a host of husks stumbled to their feet. This was ugly. He pulled EDI back, closer to the shuttle and the diving ramp. If Shepard didn't surface soon…

"I have searched your mind. You…are an anomaly. Yet that is not enough." The Leviathan's apparition turned and moved away.

"Wait! With your help we can stop the cycles!"

"No. The cycle will continue." Shepard was at a loss for words. Coming this far for nothing. To be lost in this void, with Kaidan and the others trapped on the surface.

"We will remain here and survive. You will become a servant of our needs. All else will be harvested. And the cycle will begin again." The apparition receded into the darkness. Shepard shouted after it.

"If you release me…if you work with us, the harvest can end! Your need the same thing we do. You need to survive, and you can't do that if you stay here. You've been found. The Reapers are _here_. This is your chance, to end this once and for all." It's voice suddenly coming from behind her, the Leviathan replied.

"Your certainty is…singular. We will fight. We were the first, the apex race. We will not fight for you or any lesser race. You will carry our mirrors out into the galaxy. Where they hear our mirror's call, the Reapers will fall."

"'Mirror'?"

"The instruments of our will. Take it. Return and you will receive more. Use these mirrors and any Reaper that hears its call will die. We will no longer live in the oceans and shadows. Any Reaper who trespasses on this world will fall to our power." The apparition approached, holding an orb in hand, slightly different in appearance from the one in Bryson's lab. It's colour was lighter, glassier. New. It was handed to Shepard.

"Today we accept their sacrifice in blood."

v

Shepard thrashed in her seat, coming back to herself, shaking. It was hard to breathe. Through the cockpit window she could see the orb she'd accepted secured in the mech's grasp. She'd been completely overtaken.

Warnings were flashing in too many places on the heads-up display. She found the ascent booster control and triggered lift off. The jolt jarred her head backward into the back of the seat with dizzying force.

Oxygen tanks were in the red. She had to slow her breathing down.

Air pressure in the cockpit was too low. If she'd been wearing a suit designed for hostile environments she'd have had a little longer. She wasn't.

She heard a strange sound when she moved her feet. Looking down, her eyes went wide. Water. At this depth, if the cockpit filled she'd be crushed before she suffocated.

3210 metres…

She'd started below 4000…

Suddenly a jet of water shot past her face. She threw herself back against the seat. It was a pinhole leak, but with the pressure on the hull it could cut a person to pieces. If she lost consciousness and fell into it…this was getting worse by the second. There was an emergency purge system for the cockpit, but flushing the water in the cockpit would send precious oxygen out with it.

2530 metres…

How long had it taken to get this far?

Her vision was starting to get hazy. The display readout had a rate of ascent listed but she couldn't focus to read the smaller numbers. She used her leg to hold herself back against the seat. She concentrated on slowing her racing heart.

1870 metres…

Almost 2 kilometres to go. Her ears popped. The water was sloshing about at chest level. She couldn't feel her hands. Her ears and nose were numb. The water splashed against her face, colder than ice. She put her hand on the emergency purge lever. Once she was under water losing oxygen would be a moot point.

The last readout she saw before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath was 1015 metres. Too deep…

She held her breath as long as she could manage before she'd lose the strength to pull the purge handle. She heaved. Nothing. Bringing her legs up and using them to push herself down she gave one last heave.

The water left in an incredible rush. She leaned to the side, away from the incoming jet of water and coughed up the water she'd taken in. The water was so cold it burned her skin, throat and nasal passages. Even with air in her lungs she was still suffocating. She undid the latch on her restraints. If this was it she wasn't going to die tied down.

800…

590…

Her breath was short and shallow.

Where was the emergency hatch release? No. Still under water. Still…

220…

50…

Light. Landing on the diving deck resulted in one hell of a jolt but she didn't really feel it. Shepard put a hand on the glass, meaning to push…but there was nothing left.

Darkness.

v

"Cortez! Land! Shepard's surfaced!"

Kaidan saw her hand drop from the window.

"_Shepard_!" he shouted, running for the mech. She didn't answer. He let off a spray of shots, dropping two husks running up to his side. A husk lumbered into his path. A biotic push launched it out of the way. The emergency hatch release was too far up to reach from the ground. Getting a foothold on the mech's leg he climbed and got hold of the emergency release. He pulled. It wouldn't move. Putting both hands on the lever and bracing himself against the mech's leg he pulled with everything he had. The lever let go and he fell back to the deck. The mech's hatch snapped open, depositing Shepard and a half a cockpit of water onto the deck. She wasn't moving.

One of the brutes turned on them. EDI's gunfire drew its attention. The orb in the mech's hands fell to the deck and rolled into a stack of crates nearby. The orb was surprisingly light. Throwing open one of the crates and dropping the orb inside, Kaidan hauled it back to where Shepard lay unmoving. He slung Shepard over his shoulders, holding her fast with one hand and dragging the crate in the other behind cover. He made for the shuttle as it landed.

"EDI! Fall back!"

"Sir!" EDI retreated, shooting as she went. Kaidan tossed Shepard into the shuttle, followed by the crate and jumped in, drawing his rifle to cover EDI's retreat. A husk landed on the side of the shuttle and tried to get in through the hatch before it closed. It fell to the ground, headless.

Visible energy fluctuations emanated from the orb, through the crate. Descending on the shuttle like a hawk on a mouse, the Reaper spread it's legs and charged it's primary weapon. Cortez watched, partly in terror, partly in awe, as the massive creature shuddered and began to fall, crashing lifelessly into the ocean.

Tossing his weapon aside, Kaidan turned Shepard onto her back. She wasn't breathing. Her skin looked frighteningly pale. He patched his omni-tool into her suit's computer. No heartbeat. Resuscitation systems were offline.

"EDI. Patch yourself into her suit. Get the ERS back online." EDI nodded. She established her own connection with the suit, accessing the medical systems.

He braced himself above Shepard and found the centre of her chest, using a biotic push to press down.

"Rerouting ERS functionality. Stand by."

Water came out with almost every thrust down but no air went in. Giving her air once and again, he braced himself over her, pressing on her chest as quickly as he could to get her blood moving.

"Please stand back, Major." EDI said.

He backed away and EDI triggered a shock. A few seconds ticked past.

"Her heart is beating."

Kaidan tried to give her air again. Shepard contorted and coughed, arms flailing slightly. He moved back onto his haunches and pushed her over onto her side to help clear out anything she might cough up. A few more coughs and a deep, wheezing breath and Shepard was pulling herself up toward the nearest seat. She grimaced as a shooting pain went through her side. She gave herself a shot of medi-gel, letting it take effect before pulling herself up the rest of the way. Her voice was hoarse.

"That felt…fantastic...You broke ribs." she griped, coughing. She wiped tears away to look him in the eyes. "Thanks."

Kaidan fell back against the bulkhead, relieved and breathing heavily. Better broken ribs and a beating heart than death.

"_Never_ do that again." Kaidan said firmly. Shepard smiled, managing a slight laugh.

"Looking for a promise I can't keep? That's not like you." Kaidan shook his head, even though his expression was affectionate. He stayed silent while Shepard recovered.

"What was down there?" he asked, his tone much less severe.

"The Leviathan. Plural. And they've agreed to join the fight. Hang on…did you…is that the mirror?" Shepard asked, pointing to the crate by the loading hatch.

"If by 'mirror' you mean 'large glassy orb', yes." Kaidan answered. Shepard took a breath in relief.

"Cortez. Patch us in to the Normandy - to Liara." Shepard ordered.

"Actually, there's a transmission incoming, Commander. It's Ann Bryson." Shepard went wide-eyed and nodded.

"Put her through." Ann's image appeared on a nearby display panel.

"Doctor. How are you doing?"

"Very well, Commander. Thank you. What happened?"

"We found them, Ann. The Leviathan."

"Was it worth it?" Shepard looked to the crate. It could be.

"I'm not sure yet. But they're in this now…they can't hide this time."

"Sounds like an incredible story."

"One to go down in history. And your father started it." Ann laughed.

"I'm looking forward to hearing all about it…My father would appreciate this – to know the truth of what's out there. That you saw his work through."

"Glad to be of service, Ann."

"Well, we all have our parts to play. Admiral Hackett has asked me to join the Crucible science team. I can't wait to get started." Shepard nodded, approving. The perfect place for her.

"Take care, Ann. Thank you, for all your help. Shepard out." Ann nodded, a small smile on. The screen went dark.

"I've got Dr. T'soni for you, Commander."

v

Liara had a shielded container for the orb ready when they docked with the Normandy. She ran over as the hatch popped up.

"It's only a temporary solution. The shielding won't hold if we don't get it into quarantine at a properly equipped facility."

"Understood. Call the senior crew down to the cargo bay." Liara nodded, sending the request via omni-tool.

v

One by one the crew assembled. Garrus and James…Tali…with Liara, Kaidan and EDI already present.

"What's this about, Shepard?" Garrus asked. Shepard seated herself on a nearby crate.

"I asked the Leviathan to fight. They intend to vehemently defend their home planet and remain there. To join the fight anywhere else, they gave me this," she said, pointing to the orb sitting suspended in an upright cylinder, the storage compartment surrounded by an energy shield. James looked it over, slightly confused.

"It does _what_, exactly?" he asked.

"It is what the Leviathan use communicate with planets throughout the galaxy. To put it simply, a form of naturally occurring quantum entanglement." EDI explained. Shepard cut in.

"The Leviathan have offered us more of these. Deploying just one of things in battle can almost instantly take down any Reaper nearby. Imagine how many lives we could save, if we find a way to weaponize these orbs and deploy them ahead of our fleets or on the ground." It was hard to keep a leash on her enthusiasm for the idea.

"If we'd had this sooner, Thessia might not have been lost." Liara stated. Shepard's demeanor sobered.

"Probably not," she replied. Kaidan waded in to the conversation.

"So, if the Leviathan aren't Reapers…what are they?"

"They're organic. They created the AI that set the cycles in motion, created the first Reaper, using the Leviathan as a raw material. It said the lesser races of the galaxy had bowed to their will. They were the dominant species across the galaxy."

"Much like the Protheans." Javik observed.

"Close, but, instead of forcing lesser races into servitude, they planted these, and kept them under control from afar."

"It's likely why the Reapers are capable of indoctrination in the first place. A synthetic imitation of a natural trait." Liara mused, fascinated. "They likely gain new abilities from every species they conquer and retain the most useful ones."

"Commander, I'm not gonna lie…I can't believe we're considering this." Kaidan said, visibly shaken. Shepard frowned.

"Why not? With these, winning is certain. The only question is how and when." Shepard replied.

"True. A weapon such as this almost surely guarantees survival," said Javik.

"Using these orbs as warheads in torpedoes…no explosions, no collateral damage, just instant dead Reapers…" Garrus said, focusing on how to use the Leviathan's gift.

"They can be shielded until they're launched, just like the orb in Bryson's office. There's no risk of indoctrination…" Tali said. Kaidan interrupted her.

"Until you use it in battle and detonate it. Then we're just as vulnerable as the Reapers."

"Ships can be shielded just like the individual orbs. The only real barrier to using them in combat is how long it will take to outfit enough ships with proper shielding." Tali said, eager to make the idea work. Kaidan shook his head.

"Alright, religion isn't usually something I use to make a point, but this is _nothing_ _less_ than a deal with the Devil. These things are a double-edged blade if I've ever seen one. Use them and we _might_ end the cycles - destroy the Reapers - but we'd be exchanging one master race for another."

"Commander, where I'm from we have a saying; the Devil gets in easy enough when you don't show him an open door. Sorry, _Loca_. I'm with the Major on this." James said, arms crossing.

"The Major is right. This isn't a weapon, Commander." Javik began. "A weapon is a tool, over which you exert complete control. If it can control you it is not a weapon, it is a trap." Shepard frowned. The drive to use the orbs had a hold on her heart and its claws were sinking in.

"These could save the remainder of sentient life in the galaxy, and you're saying we should just throw it away?" Liara demanded, angry. Voices quickly started to overlap, getting louder with every new entry into the fray. Shepard stood and turned away as the debate flared, trying to filter out what was useful…

v

"If you won't use it, at least leave it with someone willing to try." Tali suggested.

"Like who? Cerberus? This sounds like something they'd stake the fate of the galaxy on." Kaidan replied shortly.

"Actually, I was thinking of the Quarian Special Projects team. They're specifically trained and equipped to handle an object this volatile…"

v

"You're afraid." Liara snapped, her tone derisive. Kaidan put his focus on her in surprise.

"Yes, I am. I'm more afraid of using this than I am of losing hundreds of thousands of lives. Doesn't that _tell you_ something?"

"Guys, maybe we should take it down a notch, huh…?" James suggested.

v

Shepard's expression contorted in anger. It was all just…_noise_. Breaking free from her train of thought, her eyes went wide. She turned back to her crew. The surfaces all around the cargo bay had started to take on an ondulating, oily appearance. She drew her pistol and reloaded a fresh clip. Kaidan saw the move.

"Shepard!...What are you…?" he demanded. Shepard set herself steady and took aim at the orb.

"Everybody! _Hit the deck_!" Kaidan shouted, taking Tali with him as he ducked behind a crate. Shepard let off the first shot. It went through the container and shield, taking a chunk out of the orb. The others had scattered to cover. Shards of the orb remained inside the barrier, safely contained. Shepard let off another shot…another…another…another….more.

v

Liara had put her arms up to shield her head. She suddenly took a deep breath and shook her head to clear it, blinking as if waking up.

Shepard blasted her way through the exterior, finding a core that seemed to be made of something different from the rest of the orb, by the way the outer layers peeled away. It had a strange colour, almost a glow. Letting off the last of the few shots left in the clip, the core cracked and splintered, losing it's eerily riveting quality.

"That settles it." Garrus quipped, blinking as if he'd been feeling groggy. Shepard looked around the cargo bay. The sheen was gone. She seated herself on a nearby crate, relieved.

"The…frequency…they…use to communicate must change over time…decay somehow…" Liara said, thinking aloud. "The shields we have won't work." Shepard looked up.

"EDI. Get us to the Citadel fast as you can." Shepard ordered. EDI nodded.

"Yes, Commander." Shepard opened a channel to Joker.

"Joker, we're headed for the Citadel."

"Uh, yeah. I kinda figured that out. Thanks for the heads up."

"Sorry. It's urgent. When we arrive, bypass Alliance Control. Head straight to Dr. Bryson's lab. If they aren't looking out the window, I don't want to be seen."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Liara. What kind of access do you have to Alliance research databases?"

"Uh…" She hesitated. Shepard laughed and shook her head.

"Forget I asked. Find whatever records you can on Dr. Bryson's work. Everything to do with Project Scarab. Collect them and destroy the original information. When that's finished contact Alliance command, tell them to detain anyone who's been in close proximity to the orb there. Document what's happened here…Everyone, _stay here_ until you're debriefed…"

"You want me to destroy the information?" Liara asked, still hesitant.

"No. But while I live and breathe this is as far as it goes. If there comes a point where relying on the Leviathan seems…necessary…I leave that decision to you. Preserve it. Hide it. If we fail and the next cycle finds it make sure they know what they're getting into before the goose chase starts." Kaidan walked over, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Shepard, are you okay?" he asked. She didn't answer.

"Did things start looking different to you? Sounding different?" Kaidan frowned.

"How?"

"Things just looked…like they were moving, but they weren't. Everything had this weird sheen to it…" One eye twitched, and Shepard rubbed it out with the back of a glove. "Your voices started to sound odd…"

"Like Harbinger?" he asked. Shepard nodded.

"Sort of…When I drew the gun I didn't intend to shoot the orb. I was going to shoot you." Momentarily drawing back, Kaidan shook his head and smiled, exhaling. Shepard reached out a hand and he took it, holding on tight.

"If I'm debriefing us, Shepard, we should start with you." Liara said. She'd been standing behind Kaidan, listening. Shepard took a deep breath and gave her head a shake.

"Yeah. Let's get to it."

"Commander, what should we do with…what's left of it?" James asked as Shepard and Liara walked toward the elevator. Shepard smirked.

"Feel like a little target practice, Garrus?"

"With what?"

"The Thanix cannon." Shepard replied, smiling. Garrus and James laughed.

"Gotcha, _Loca_. We'll get rid of it."


	8. Mass Effect 3 Extras - Origin: Shepard

A Call from Mom

A series of electronic chirps sounded from her personal terminal. Unless it was the fleet, calls here were never incoming. She seated herself in front of the terminal, accepting the call. The caller was a woman, dressed in civilian clothing. The room was dark and her face was in shadow where not lit by the glow of her terminal. Shepard was cautious. This wasn't somewhere wrong numbers got through.

"Hello." Shepard said. The woman moved in her chair.

"Hello. I'm calling…I'm looking for Kaidan Alenko. Is this a wrong number?" she said. Shepard's eyes were wide.

"No. One second…Kaidan?" Shepard replied emphatically, calling him. As she stood he came around the corner.

"Who is it, Shepard?"

"Kaidan!?" The woman on the call asked.

"Your mother…" Shepard replied, facing the seat toward him. Kaidan sat quickly.

"Mom…?"

"Oh god. You're safe. Thank goodness," she said, putting her shaking hand to her mouth, covering a bitterweet smile.

"I'm safe and whole, mom. Where are you?" he asked.

"I don't know. The military personnel here won't tell us – in case something is said in outside communications." Kaidan relaxed some. She was as safe as she could be.

"Did something happen at the orchard?" he asked. She nodded.

"Your Auntie Carrie…she's…"

"Mom…I'm here." She smiled bitterly.

"I know, Kaidan. I know. Uncle Nathan made it here, too. He's on the other side of the compound right now or he'd be here with me. And, we're still hoping but there's no word, one way or the other, about dad." Kaidan nodded. There was silence. Shepard moved to go. Kaidan took hold of her hand.

"Here. Sit down," he said, moving over and giving her half the seat. Shepard sat close against him, putting her hand in his.

"Your last message said you were seeing someone. She's beautiful, hon! It's nice to meet you, dear." Shepard smiled and laughed a little. A term of endearment was something she hadn't heard from anyone other than Kaidan.

"I hoped it would happen in better times, but I'm glad to meet you, Mrs. Alenko."

"It's Helena, dear. Kaidan never told me your name…" Shepard started.

"I'm sorry…Jenna. Jenna Shepard."

"Shepard…you're…the…"

"Yeah. The same." Shepard answered.

"You look so different from the vids. Much less severe! Especially with your hair down."

"Take it easy, mom. You're making her blush." Kaidan put an arm around Jenna and put a kiss on her cheek.

"Well, whatever we accomplish in life, we're human first," she said. Kaidan smiled. Very true.

"I heard someone say you'd become a Spectre. Is it true?" Helena asked. Kaidan nodded.

"It is. There was one heck of a party to celebrate."

"Congratulations, hon." Kaidan smiled.

"Thanks, mum."

"Is it hard?"

"Not as hard as being out here, while you're back there."

"Dear…don't you _dare_ let that stop you. I don't know what the Alliance has you doing but if it wouldn't help win this, you wouldn't be there. Listen to me…never question what you're doing or where you are on my account. No matter what happens." Shepard smiled. How many times had she thought the same thing and never said it? This woman just blurted it out. It was refreshing to hear him spoken to like he was someone's child. And to know that he and his father had something in common.

"Alright. I won't. I promise," he replied.

"Good. So, tell me about yourself, Jenna."

"I can't really tell you much more than you'll find on any decent extranet site."

"Horsefeathers. Tell me about your family." Kaidan wore an expression of disbelief. _Horsefeathers? _It had been a long time since he'd heard that euphemism.

"I loved them very much."

"Were they here on Earth?"

"No. My parents and my brother passed when I was a teen. My sister on Elysium."

"Well, from the look of you two, this may not need saying but, whatever remains of this family when this is through, is yours."

"Thank you." Shepard said as Kaidan held to her tighter. He whispered in her ear.

"Welcome home." Shepard smiled putting a hand on his arm, sitting just a little closer.

"What was your mother like?" At first Shepard thought it would to be hard to know what to say, but to her surprise the words were there.

"Well…she was big-hearted. Generous with her kindness. Smiled easily. Loved life, loved us. Tough. Hard-working. She wanted us to be the same. If we could do it and we wanted to help, she let us. Even if we didn't quite get it right at first. Dad was…gentle. But, strong. You'd never think anything could take him down. Loved to build and tinker and fix. And teach. If we were hanging around when he was doing something he'd set himself up to show us how even if the job took him three or four times times as long to finish that way. My brother…was my brother, but surprisingly caring. He razzed us when he could, but it was always good-natured. Modest. He's the one who showed me how to work toward doing my first chin-up on the support beams out in the shed. My sister…she was smart. Not just book-smart, street smart. She saw right through people. Told you what was what, didn't blink doing it. Honest. Determined. As for me, I don't know…I think I may have spent my life trying to live up to what I loved best about them." Shepard found herself shaking slightly. Kaidan was dumbstruck and more in love than he'd been a few minutes ago. If that was possible anything was. She'd never talked like this about her family. _Ever_.

"You didn't just try, sweetheart. You did. Beautifully. They would be proud of you." Shepard nodded, finding it hard to say anything. Kaidan steered her chin toward him, kissing her. Shepard broke the kiss when she laughed, looking him steady in the eyes. She took a breath and found herself on solid ground again.

"Well…I think I've hijacked your conversation." Shepard said moving to get up and go.

"Oh no you don't," said Kaidan. "You're not getting off the hook that easy." Helena laughed.

"It's good to know I raised a man wise enough to hang on to a woman like you." They all laughed.

"What's it like, out there?"

"Painfully quiet. When you're not landing on some godforsaken planet getting shot at by goodness knows what." Kaidan answered. "But, you're right. Most, if not all, of what we're doing is worth it. Brings something to our side of the board."

"I'm so glad you see it that way, hon. You still sound so hopeful. That's…you amaze me…"

v

The sound of a door opening sounded in the background of the conversation.

"Oh, shit…shoot!" She paused and laughed. Shepard bit her lip to keep from laughing out loud. "I can't talk anymore, dears. I love you, Kaidan. I'll try to send you something again soon."

"I love you, too, Mom. Tell Uncle Nathan I love him too. Give him a hug for me, and for Carrie."

"I will. Jenna, I can't wait to see you in person. Look after him. No matter how big they get, they need it." Shepard laughed.

"Always."

"I know I just met you ten minutes ago but I do think I love you too, dear."

"I feel the same. I…I love you. Thank you, for that." Helena smiled.

"Stay safe, mom. I'll try to find you. Just so I know." Kaidan said.

"Alright. Bye, hon."

"Bye, mom." The screen went back to the desktop display. Jenna stood to go. Kaidan held onto her hand firmly. He stood and wrapped arms around her, taking her somewhat by surprise. Jenna slowly put her arms around him, noticing how easily and comfortably they found their place. If he didn't move she wouldn't either. Time passed and at some point the thought crossed her mind.

"You'll have to let go eventually." Kaidan laughed.

"No, I don't. Just because I don't have hands on you, doesn't mean I've let go…I wish I could have met your parents, Shepard…Would your dad have had his shotgun in hand, first time I walked in the door?" he said, letting her out of his grasp as she seated herself. Shepard laughed, keeping a hold of one of his hands.

"No. But he'd make sure you knew where it was soon enough. Our parents have that in common."

"Actually, that's never been their thing."

"Really? 'Cause she had an assault rifle sitting in front of her the whole time."

"No she didn't." Shepard laughed.

"Yeah, she did…You didn't notice the outline on the workstation?"

"Wow. Apparently I was paying more attention to her." Kaidan had a troubled expression on.

"What?"

"Your dad sounds like a hard guy to live up to. I wonder if we'd have gotten along."

"You would have." Kaidan laughed.

"You sound so certain."

"I am."

"Why?" Shepard took a deep breath. Something like this never got less painful, just easier to live with.

"I was with him when he died. He locked us down inside an undergound tunnel that came out on the other side of the property. Told me to take my sister and run. I refused. I would sooner be damned than let him die alone. I was thirteen. I kept trying to convince him we would be all right, that he didn't have to be afraid. He told me he wasn't afraid for my sister - he knew I'd look after her - or afraid of death. He was afraid for me. Afraid I would never learn to trust, and love, someone…with all my heart. I was so strong, he said, I would never _need_ to…I say you'd get along because you're the reason his fear didn't hold true. I think he'd see that and you'd get along just fine."

Kaidan was wide-eyed. He laughed, shaking his head.

"Get over here," he said, smiling, wrapping himself around her. She closed her eyes and leaned into him. Gentle, even at his strongest. She envied that.

Holding on to him, one hand resting on the nape of his neck, Jenna slowly opened her eyes. She drew back a bit, turning her gaze toward him, intent. He looked sideways at her.

"There's something I want to tell you," she said. Eyes getting a little wider, he nodded. Letting her go and standing, he took her by the hand, leading the way to the couch by the fireplace.

v

Origin: Shepard

2166 – Mindoir

She stopped after just a few steps. Her sister ran on until she noticed, turning back, shaking. Pounding sounded on the heavy door that sealed the tunnel. Bullet impacts. One hit sounded like an explosion.

"Come on!" her sister whispered emphatically, gesturing for her to follow. She turned back. A man lay prone to one side of the doors. With his eyes closed he looked asleep, but just a little too deep. She detached the flashlight from the rifle in his hands. She clicked it on…then off. It still worked. She was ready to run, but something stopped her – instinct. She took his hands off the rifle, biting back tears as she did. It could do him no more good. She took two clips from his belt, flinching when water hit the back of her hand. Tears. She shoved one clip into each of the back pockets in her jeans. Rifle in hand, she jogged after her sister. She couldn't sprint to the other end of the tunnel carrying the gun…but, if _they_ found where it came above ground before she and her sister made it out, it wouldn't matter…

v

The door hissed open. The sound of explosive blasts and gunfire was distant. They'd escaped. Afraid to bring herself out from behind the tree, her sister looked back toward home. She was crying.

She moved to her side, crouching behind a rock. Swaths of the wheat fields were on fire, near the bonfire that used to be the barn. Somewhere on the other side of that, was their home; their mother and brother dead inside.

This far away, the reflection of the firelight in her eyes was little more than a dim flicker. Still, a fire in them burned bright. Shelled out of the protection and safety that kept it in check, the fire inside her raged out of control.

v

The shot went off, surprisingly silent. The creature resembled a deer. Luckily, it could be hunted and eaten. The smoke from the barn was long since gone. They hadn't seen any alien ships for days. They had also never seen any sign of another living human being. They found the animal and a shot to the head ended its suffering. Cutting out what they needed - but not more than they could carry - with a shale knife, they quickly left the scene. Predators she didn't want to meet would be along soon. Building a fire to cook the meat would keep them away.

v

"Look! It's a ship!" her sister said, frightened and ready to make for hills much farther away. She put a hand on her arm and looked at the ships again.

"We need to get closer."

"What?!" Her sister's eyes were wide with panic. "Someone's attacking again!" She shook her head.

"No. They're not."

"How do you know?" She frowned.

"That's the second ship we've seen. If they were attacking, there would already be fire - explosions. And…they don't look the same. They look…human. Don't they?" Her sister nodded, reluctant.

"You don't know what kind of people they are."

"I know. But we can't find out if we stay out here. And we can't stay out here forever…We can stay out of sight. I just want to look." Her sister sighed and nodded, refusing to be left behind.

v

She looked intently through her scope. There was a pile of crates forming outside the rear of the ship. Each about the size of a grown person. Coffins. There were people dressed like they were from the colony moving about below, but no one she knew.

"Looks like more of us lived."

"Hey! There are people! They're coming this way!" Her sister repeatedly pointed in their direction, agitated. She moved the rifle to put them in her scope. They had guns. They were wearing armour. Soldiers.

"You think they have something to drink?"

"Probably," she replied absently, focused on the men moving in the scope. The sudden crashing through the bushes startled her. Her sister had taken off, headed for the soldiers with guns.

"Miranda! Stop!" she hissed, almost shouting. She put herself back under cover, following her sister down the hill in her scope. The men heard the noise and broke their single file, spreading out and heading directly for them. Getting close, her sister saw something about them that made her change her mind and turn to run away. One put his gun on its holster and ran after her. He caught her arm and wrestled her to the ground.

She let off a shot, square to the head. It knocked him away. One of his friends continued the chase. She aimed for another shot and pulled the trigger. Nothing. There was still plenty of ammunition in the clip. The gun just wasn't working. She cursed the thing.

Spotting a piece of wood nearby she grabbed it and slinked through the brush, hiding herself behind a tree beside the path her sister was running along. She ran past. As his leg came into view she tossed a branch, thinner but sturdy, between his legs. He pitched over forward. His gun went off as he hit the ground. Her sister shrieked, scared but not hit. She lunged, bringing the branch in hand down on him with all her strength. Playing fastball for the last four years hadn't been for nothing. He rolled to face her, putting his forearms up to keep blows away from his face. A few more hits and she realized he was taking the blows. He had his hands open and was asking her to stop.

The sudden appearance of another soldier frightened her. She ran for her sister, leaving the branch on the ground. Shale knife in hand, she kept herself between them. In moments there were soldiers on all sides. One of them stepped forward reaching for her hand…trying to take the knife. She swiped at him viciously. He backed away. There were tears coming to her eyes and her face was deeply flushed. She instinctively recognized the futility of going at an armoured soldier with a blunt piece of stone.

The man she'd hit with the branch put an arm in front of the man who'd tried to take the knife. She was sure they were talking but she couldn't hear it. After a few moments he put his hands on his helmet, snapping a few clasps out of place. A hiss sounded from the suit. He slowly put the helmet on the ground and held his hands apart, palms open toward her. She put her focus on him.

"We want to help you. You need food…and a warm place to sleep…don't you?" he asked. Her sister wrapped her arms around her waist and buried her face into the back of her scavenged jacket as she broke down crying. The other soldier reached out a hand for the knife again. She held it up against him. The man who'd spoken put a hand on his arm pushing it away.

"Leave it, Sargeant," he said.

"She can't keep it when they join the other survivors."

"And she can keep it until then. Let's get these two back to camp then keep looking."

"Yes, sir."

"Is there anyone else with you…nearby?" A tear fell down her cheek. She shook her head. Speaking then might have been the hardest thing she'd ever done.

"No." He nodded, biting his lip.

"No family…?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Are they dead?" She nodded. The look in her eyes left no reason to doubt it.

_God, these poor kids. It's a miracle they survived this long by themselves_, he thought. One of the soldiers walked up holding her gun. She fixed her eyes on it. If they didn't want her to have a makeshift knife there was no way they'd give her back the gun.

v

She was seated on a crate, eyes on a few kids nearby.

"Hi there. Remember me?" he asked. She looked up to him in surprise and nodded, saying nothing. He sat beside her. Miranda was playing catch with a few other kids.

"You don't want to join them?"

"I can't." He laughed, rubbing his head, still a little sore.

"Trust me, you can." She shook her head.

"I threw the ball and he couldn't catch it. It hit him in the head - hard. They won't let me." He couldn't remember the last time he'd met a girl so unreserved.

"Well, why'd you throw it so hard?"

"Because I could." He shook his head. She'd thrown it because she was angry. Maybe she didn't know she wanted to hurt someone, but she did.

"Just because you can do something, doesn't always mean you should." She looked at him resentfully and didn't answer.

"I could have hurt you both, when you attacked. Shot you, even. I could do it. But I shouldn't." She shivered.

"Why not?"

"Well, it's my job."

"It's your job to let a little girl beat you with a stick?" she asked, putting a little levity into the question. He laughed.

"If it comes to that…yeah, it is." She smiled.

"Hey. You're smiling." She immediately stopped. He put one eyebrow up, not sure how to get that smile back. He frowned.

"Is it a good job?" she asked. He was surprised by the question.

"It is."

"Why?" He shook his head, eyes going wide. He took in and let out a breath.

"It's a really good job. But it's _really_ hard. It makes me stronger every day. Takes me all around the galaxy, to places few other people are able to go. Sometimes to places a human has never been before…Has me meeting some pretty amazing people along the way." He gave her shoulder a light poke. She smiled again. He grinned. "But…that has a price. I don't get home much. Don't really have one anyway…My life's in danger almost every step of the way. But if that means standing between a bullet and someone who needs my help – like you – that's fine by me. That smile of yours is worth it, kiddo." Her chest felt tight and her heart was pounding. She looked up at him and didn't know the word for what she felt – awe.

"Listen. A refugee camp is no place for two kids like you. You belong with a family…There's a transport leaving tomorrow, taking some of the children here – without parents – to a place where they'll live with other kids until the social workers there find them a home…They'll never…replace…the family you lost. But they'll look after you. Help you grow up. Only if you want…I'll make sure you can go with them," he suggested. She looked down and away from him, brow tight knit with a frown and a deep shadow on her face.

"Will we end up with the same family?"

"Tell them you're sisters. They won't place you until they find someone willing to take you both." She wasn't sure what to say.

"This is a good thing. Trust me. Please." He put a steady hand on her shoulder. He didn't take it away, despite the instinctive jerk of her shoulder. She didn't mind the touch. It was warm. She looked at him again, her gaze piercing. He'd seen the look before – with a branch coming at his face.

"Okay," she said. He let out his breath and nodded, letting a slight smile show.

"Okay. Let's get your sister and I'll take you to the landing zone. They'll look after you there. Make sure you end up where you need to." She nodded and stood, picking up the clothing her sister had left with her.

v

He knelt in front of her with a strange expression on his face. His friend stood behind him, impatient.

"We have to go out again. Keep looking for people…until they tell us we don't have to."

"Can you find us again when you get back?" she asked. He shook his head. He looked like he might cry.

"No. You'll be gone by then. Take really good care of yourselves, kiddo." She frowned, nodding but meeting his eyes the entire time. Her fists were closed tight. Her eyes wandered to his chestplate, to the symbol emblazoned there.

It would shape the rest of her life.

A letter and number were written beside it. N…7. He looked over her shoulder at her sister.

"Go on," he said. She took a deep breath, looking back at her sister. She walked steadily away, sitting down beside her.

He stood and faced his companion.

"Get that look off your face, Sargent," he ordered. The man smiled and nodded, whistling out of relief and watching the young girl rejoin her sister.

"She is somethin'. Where on Earth do they raise kids like that?" he wondered. The lieutenant shook his head.

"They don't raise kids like that _anywhere_. That girl is something else," he said, un-holstering his assault rifle. He put a finger to his head, chest and shoulders, closing his eyes momentarily.

_Lord, watch over and guide her like she was your own. Please._

"You're not worried about them?" Glancing back at the two girls he saw the oldest smile.

"No. They'll be fine."

v

Omega

She and her sister sat on their bed, enjoying a game of cards. It was the one entertainment no one else seemed interested in but they could keep at it for hours and keep their heads down. One of the staff walked into the room. Children quietly filed in around her.

"Next group, please."

They could only watch so many at a time, so they had divided the kids up into groups to get out and play. Her sister and her hadn't been put in the same group. They said it was to encourage them to form bonds with other kids. It felt unkind. The inner courtyard, where they went to play, could be seen from the windows in their quarters. As soon as no supervisor was looking that's where she'd be sitting.

Miranda quickly started talking and playing with a few of the kids. Pretty soon they were laughing and running around. She got along so easily.

Every time she tried to talk to other kids it was hard or they just didn't seem to care. There wasn't nearly enough to eat. She would start talking about it and they would tune out. They wanted to leave it to the adults. When she talked to one of the supervisors she didn't like the way they looked at her - like a problem best ignored. There were school classes here but they were very…basic. Growing up with free access to the extranet, computer equipment, tools and with what felt like a library of books at home…this place existed in a mental vacuum. It was no surprise most kids had nowhere to go but the streets when they became too old to stay. That was two years away, but she had no idea how to make things turn out differently for them.

Her thoughts returned to where and when she was. There was something happening on the playground. Two kids were in a fight. One was Miranda. She shouted at the supervisor and pounded on the glass with her fist a few times before remembering the window was four inches thick. Nobody would hear anything. She ran to the door and started pounding on it. Nobody could hear it. After fights had broken out they had started keeping their quarters locked up when staff weren't around – which was most of the time. Their living quarters felt more like a boiling pot than a place to live. She ran back to the window in a panic. The fight was over. She had her eyes focused intently on the one responsible. This would _never_ happen again. The one left lying bloodied on the ground was her sister. She looked at her watch. Ten minutes later one of the staff ran over.

v

Miranda arrived long after the rest of her group returned. She stood and stepped into the walkway between bunks and looked her over. She had a bandage on one eye, contusions on her arms, legs and neck. One arm was in a sling. She didn't know it but her arms were shaking. Her sister looked at her and looked away, ashamed and unsettled. Suddenly, she was pushed aside from behind.

It was the boy who'd beat her sister up. Miranda stepped back, turned her slung arm away from him and cringed.

"You gonna talk back to me again?" he demanded, reaching for her chin.

"Get away," she said, before he could touch her. He was older. Bigger. But he didn't look stronger. He laughed and turned to her, putting his face up to hers.

"What?" he asked, put slightly off balance when she didn't move her face back from his like everyone else did.

"Stay away from her."

"That means I get close to someone else. Someone like you." If this one was anything like her sister she'd be no sweat to beat either. He reached out a hand to touch her and she swatted it away. As he grabbed her by the shirt, she grabbed him and pushed him back away from her. He fell, taking a strip of her shirt with him. The ripped cloth hung down leaving her neck, shoulder and right side visible. Luckily she still had her bra underneath. She was fourteen but the body she had was used to a hard day's work. Lean and strong. Larger than a girl usually was. He didn't seem to want to fight anymore.

He stood and walked up to her, keeping out of arm's reach.

"You can't keep her with you all the time. Next time, she won't be so lucky," he warned, stepping past her and putting his shoulder into hers as he did. Her mind was racing looking for something - anything…she grabbed a lamp off a nearby bedside table, hitting him over the head with it. He dropped to the ground, out cold. It was true. When he woke up he'd be angrier than ever. And the next time Miranda went out of the room without her, she might not come back - if this kid was as rotten as he seemed. There was only one way to know, now, he'd never hurt her sister or anyone else here again…ever.

She knelt over his back, pinning one shoulder down. Picking up his head by the hair, taking hold of his chin from the opposite side, she pulled and twisted his chin up and pushed the back of his head down with near neck-severing force. He convulsed underneath her, twitching and writhing, eyes suddenly open, making a terrible sound. She took hold of his head again and twisted as hard and far as she could, holding it in place at a disturbingly unnatural angle until he went quiet. Some of the other kids were screaming. She wanted to throw up.

She stood and looked at the other kids. They backed away. She could hear footfalls out in the hall. It was time to pretend to be afraid of what had happened or they'd separate her from her sister. She was afraid of that.

To her surprise and disgust, she could do it.

v

She stood to one side of the courtyard alone, where she'd become accustomed to watching Miranda play with the others. You couldn't play with kids who were afraid of you. It even took them a bit to warm up to Miranda again. But now she didn't have to watch her all the time, even if she usually did. One of the kids who'd been here a while - Xander - came over to her.

"I heard you ask the other day if you could work." She looked at him and nodded. For the work they did around the building they were given a pittance in allowances. It wasn't enough to buy a ticket out of here before sixteen came around – never mind two.

"Yeah. They said no."

"Well, if you're still interested, I know someone who said yes." Her eyebrows went up in surprise.

"Want to meet them?" If they had said yes, they weren't one of the social service staff.

"Sure."

v

They moved over to a fence underneath the balcony overlooking the courtyard. There was someone in the shadows on the other side.

"This her?" he asked. Xander nodded.

"Yeah."

"Step in close, kid. Let me get a good look at you…" He laughed and smirked. She stood less than a foot from the fence. "Nice. He tell you what the job is?" She shook her head deliberately. He smiled. He looked dangerous. Like a snake.

"You have to sell something. Think of it as a community service. It'll make the other kids…feel better. Xander here knows how much you need sell it for, and what you get to keep. All you have to say…is yes."

"I'll do it." He nodded, a strange expression on his face. One side of his nose twitched in and relaxed. It looked something like disgust. He held out a hand with five small glass capsules, each with five light blue pills inside. Drugs. Illegal ones. They're only illegal if you get caught. She put one hand forward. He dropped the merchandise in and closed her fingers around them.

"Next time you see me, those capsules had better magically look like money. Oh, and this is important…one pill at a time." She nodded.

v

Later that day, during their evening meal - calling it that was generous - someone she didn't know sat down beside her. She looked at him expressionless, assessing, and turned back to her tray. He was one of the older ones. She put half her meat on Miranda's tray.

"I heard you have something."

"Patience is something I don't have." He looked scared. Hand shaking he put a credit card under her tray with the amount it held showing out from under the edge. It was enough. She unsnapped a button on her shirt, took one capsule out of her bra and handed it to him.

"One pill at a time." He took it and seemed to want to say something. The look on her face changed his mind. She buttoned her shirt back up. He got up and took his tray away. The spot beside her remained empty.

v

Miranda greedily cleared her plate. She saw her casting furtive glances at what was left on hers. She sighed and smiled, changing their trays around, putting an arm around her shoulder and a kiss on her head. She ignored the sound her stomach made.

v

They stood to leave and return their trays. A sudden commotion broke out on the other side of the room. Someone screamed for help. She dropped her tray and ran over. After looking after some of the younger kids back home she'd taken first aid classes, just in case. Maybe she could…

She moved the kids standing over the boy aside. It was him. The one she'd just sold to. He was foaming at the mouth. It was mixed with blood. He was wide-eyed and still. Dead. There was staff coming over.

"You can't help him. Let them through," she said moving a couple of the kids back. A glassy crunch. One had stepped on something. He lifted his foot and she saw what it was. A glass capsule and a small black cap. Empty. Five pills. She looked back at him and closed her eyes. He'd been addicted.

_Shit._

She stayed until the staff took him away, dispersing with the others. There was no way to sell the others without drawing attention, even if she wanted to. She didn't. Two months, two bodies. She remembered the man who'd helped her. _No more_.

v

Two weeks later Xander found her in the courtyard and told her the man wanted to see her. She went over.

"How's my little salesman?"

"Out," she said. She held up her hand with four capsules and the dead boy's credit card.

"That's not how this works, missy. I give you pills, you give me money. Or you end up like your friend. Oh yeeeees…I heard about that."

"I won't work for you. You can take these pills or I can flush them. Your choice," she said. He held out a hand. She returned the drugs and money.

"_Your choice_, little lady, has consequences. Hope you got on well. You'll be joining your dead friend soon."

"No, I won't."

"Listen, you little shit. Nobody turns me down. I work for Aria. And what Aria says…_goes_. Anyone who doesn't agree _dies_." She didn't seem phased.

"You know who Aria is?"

"I've heard."

"Then you know you're dead."

"No, I'm not. Because you can't get anyone in here. If you could, someone in here would already be working for you. Send a _kid_ after me and I'll add their _bodybag_ to my _collection_."

"Quite the spitfire, you are. How many _bags _in that collection?"

"Two months, two bodies. My _friend_ included." He scoffed.

"How old are you, kid?" She hesitated.

"15, almost 16." He smiled.

"A few short months, and you'll be on my streets. _See you then_."

Her eyes followed him as he left. She turned and walked away from the fence. While they were talking Xander had disappeared.

v

She left the counselor's office, heading toward the reception area. Since fighting that boy she'd had to come here twice a week. If it weren't for the data pads that could access the extranet while she was waiting for her appointment to start, she might not have come at all. There was an information board opposite the desk and the symbol on it caught her eye. The advertisement changed as she stepped over. It was a touch display. She slid the window back to the ad.

Systems Alliance

Youth Outreach Program

Must be 15 and over.

Click this link to see entrance requirements.

Recruiting Officers coming to this site:

August 2166

She tapped on the link. Three months away…

v

Every day she spent the time in the courtyard running. She had been running back home, but not like this. Her lungs burned and she refused to stop moving. She had learned to gauge how far she ran based on how many steps she took. 17 times around the courtyard. She ran 25. Before three months was up, she could run that in just over the time required for 17.

When they were in their bunks, Miranda would sit on her feet reading a book while she hung off the end of the bed doing continuous sit-ups. When she wasn't around she'd latch herself on to the underside of the bed, bracing her feet against the lip at the end and, keeping herself straight as a board, lifted her body up as close to the springs as she could, held the position and slowly let herself down. Taking a deep breath, she pulled herself up again.

v

Everyone else was asleep. She took hold of the bar that ran across the end of the bed with both hands. Resting her elbow against the four-inch mattress frame she tensed the muscles in her arms and lifted her feet off the ground. She let herself down. Her knees were well above the floor. She could do it. She hauled herself up. Let herself down. The closer together you put your hands, the harder it got. Up…again…again…and again…

Feet spread apart with the thumb and forefinger of each hand making a diamond shape on the ground she raised herself up quickly, and slowly lowered herself down until sweat was dripping off her.

She had never been someone who liked to fight and she'd never genuinely liked self-defense classes. Now, every scrap of self-defense she could recall, she practiced.

v

She and Miranda sat in the common area. She was less interested in cards today than usual. Her eyes looked dull. She could see her getting worse the longer she had to keep her own food for herself.

"What's on your mind?" she asked. Miranda snapped herself out of the trance.

"Nothing."

"Doubt that."

"No, really. I just…I hated Mrs. McLeod. Being in class used to drive me nuts…if I could get back there now…I'd be in heaven." She nodded and looked back to her hand of cards.

"They're giving us ID tomorrow," she said. "We need names."

"We have names."

"Everybody knows yours, but I haven't told anyone mine. And we have to change our last name. If I want to get in when the Alliance shows up next week, nothing about us can connect us to who we were. There has to be nothing that can prove I'm lying. We can't even tell them we're from Mindoir." Miranda shook her head and put her hand down. She eyed her sister intently.

"Then I'll take a new one too. Maybe one it would make sense not to like. Miranda can be my middle name." She smiled and answered with the name she'd chosen.

"Jenna."

"First name?" She nodded. Miranda smiled.

"It's nice."

"Apparently it means just about everything that I'm not. Fair, soft…at least the 'white' part isn't wrong. If you ask someone Arabic apparently it means 'heaven'."

Miranda laughed.

"Well you have kind of been a guardian angel." Jenna shook her head and smiled.

"One with a body count."

"'Kay. Guardian spirit. Whatever. Leia. First name."

"_Really_?" Jenna sighed and laughed.

"Really, really." They laughed. Jenna shook her head. Whatever she liked.

"Middle name…jeez…" She ran a hand back through her hair. It hit her. "Adian. It's a jumble. Put the first 'a' on the end and that's mom's name." Miranda stared at her wide-eyed. It looked like she was going to cry. She smiled. It was a bitter one.

"Good choice. Really good choice," she whispered. Jenna smiled.

"I have no idea what our last name should be though…" Miranda said.

"I wanted it to be the first human in space but, I can't even pronounce the damn name – and we don't look Russian. The first American in space was Alan Shepard. Dad told me he was someone he looked up to when he was a kid. When that disease that affected his back meant he couldn't be an astronaut he decided he wanted to be a colonist…Miranda? What do you think?" Jenna asked. Miranda had been somewhere else and frowned when Jenna said her name.

"My name's not Miranda, _Jenna_. It's _Leia_." Jenna laughed.

"I am _never_ calling you that."

"Why not?" Miranda seemed a little hurt.

"Because I can't say it with a straight face." Her sister let out a long sigh.

"_Fine_." Exasperated, she picked up her hand and played her next card.

v

"There you are," said the clerk, holding out a card with her photo on it. Jenna walked away from the table, her ID card in hand. Jenna Adian Shepard. Born September 12, 2150. 15, almost 16 years old. 27 days away from being turned out onto the streets of Omega.

v

Four days later, one of the staff called them into the adoptions office. The adoptions officer was an asari. Saia T'lena.

"Jenna. Leia. I'm glad you came. Have a seat." The girls nodded and seated themselves.

"I called you in to offer you an opportunity." she said. Jenna's eyes went wide. Despite the harrowing preparation during the last few months…if they could be placed together, giving up on the Alliance was worth it.

"It's not ideal, but it's something." Jenna frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"As you've been told, it's exceptionally hard to find families who will accept one child, let alone two. I've found a family who viewed your video, Leia, and was willing to adopt you. After the trouble you've encountered since you came here, I thought it might be best to place you with a family, especially with your sister's discharge date this close. Don't get me wrong, I'll still look for families that will take you both – even after you have to leave, Jenna. If we find someone, we'll find you. But this opportunity is available now and I thought you should know. You can take some time to decide…" Jenna's expression went cold. She stood and turned to leave.

"Come on, Miranda," she said. Ms. T'lena was shocked speechless that she would simply walk out.

"We're just going to talk it over. We'll be back." Saia smiled, relieved.

v

"Jenna, _no_. I'm not leaving to go anywhere without you. I won't." Miranda said forcefully. She was fighting back the tears in her eyes. Jenna was stiff. Every muscle in her body was strung tight. If the application to the Alliance didn't go well, if it was the last thing she did, she at least wanted to know Miranda was safe, with a good family.

"Accept it. You have to. I'll keep in touch and as soon as I get out of here, I'll find you."

"I don't _have_ to do anything!" Miranda shouted. Jenna turned on her, a fire in her eyes.

"If you won't listen to me, or _believe_ me, at least, trust me. You have to. You really do."

"Why?"

Jenna stayed silent.

"You'd never abandon me, but you want me to abandon you?"

"I can look after myself."

"Everyone here is scared of you. But they're _kids_. So are we. The people out _there_ are more dangerous than you." She looked away as tears ran down her cheeks. Her expression was angry.

"Ending up on the streets isn't a guarantee. There's the Alliance. I'm ready. More than ready. I'll be accepted. I know it." Miranda scoffed and looked her in the eye.

"No. You don't." She walked back into the office, closing the door and leaving Jenna outside.

v

For the next few days Miranda would hardly look at her, never mind talk to her. She'd accepted the placement. Jenna found other places to exercise. She wanted Miranda to be able to go about her life without having to give her resentful looks all the time. If she managed to get in, Miranda would leave for her new home two days later. 48 hours is a long time when you know it takes a few seconds to end a life.

v

Miranda woke up and looked over the edge of the bed. Jenna was asleep on the floor. It was today. The Alliance was holding interviews in the mess hall. Jenna's skin was pale and cold, but she'd learned to sleep in spite of it.

Miranda looked her over, realizing she hadn't looked at her sister and really _seen_ her for a long time. She was bigger, a lot bigger. But gaunt. She could see the muscle in her shoulders and neck like she could see no one else's. Tears dropped onto the bed. She grimaced and put a hand on Jenna's shoulder, shaking her awake. Jenna woke and cleared the sleep out of her eyes. When she saw Miranda crying she got up on her knees and put her arms around her, holding on tight. She wiped away tears of her own.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

v

Shepard had herself showered and in line before most of the other kids, having skipped breakfast. A few were ahead of her. At 08:00 an Alliance officer opened the doors to the mess hall. It was clear of tables except for a few booths and one long table covered by a black sheet with the Alliance emblem on it. A Systems Alliance recruitment banner hung from the ceiling. The officer walked back into the room and the kids in front of her followed. She led them up to a red line on the floor.

"Wait here until you're called over," the officer stated, walking away. They very shortly began asking them over to the table.

Jenna approached the table with her ID card in hand. The soldier seated in front of her held out a hand for it and took it without a word. Jenna's heart was racing. The soldier filled out a sheet of paper. She matched it with a folder - the one from the counselor's office. She put a stamp on the page and handed her the folder, page and ID.

"Second booth on the left."

"My left or yours?" The soldier looked at her severely, irritated.

"Yours." Jenna felt herself go red. She walked away from the table a little faster than necessary. She took in a breath and paused before letting herself step into sight of whomever was sitting in the booth. She took the seat in front of the man.

"Application," he said gruffly. He looked past her to the line of _kids_ filing in. They were a dingy, malnourished lot. This was going to be a long, fruitless, day. She handed him the form, folder and ID. He gave her back the ID. She looked down and pocketed it.

"We're going to have you take aptitude and fitness tests. You'll receive the test pad and you will have 30 minutes to answer the questions. After which you'll be taken to the next room for a physical assessment." Jenna's eye went wide.

"How can I pass a test if I have no idea what's on it?" The officer smiled with a bit of menace. He handed her a datapad.

"That's the point. Head over to those tables. The pad will start timing you when you open the test. Bring it back when you're finished." Jenna took the pad and nodded. On the way to the table her hands started to shake. She sat down and hunched over, wrapping one shaking hand around the other in her lap. She shivered. A soldier walked up behind her.

"Something wrong?" she asked sternly. The kid probably had no idea how to use the damn thing. Jenna started and looked up.

"No." She looked back to the pad as the soldier moved away. She made her back straighten and tried to warm her hands a bit. They might shake but they could still be used.

She tapped on the tab in the upper left corner that read 'OPEN'.

v

The questions were hard. Some of them she had no idea what to do with. She answered the ones she did know and moved on. She looked at the time. 6 minutes left. She went back and started answering some of the questions she had a vague idea about. When the timer hit 00:00 the pad went back to the start screen and stopped taking input. She took in a deep breath and let it out. An overseer approached her as she stood up from the table asking for her pad. She gave it over.

"Follow me."

The soldier escorted her into an adjacent room where they asked her complete the required number of chin-ups, sit ups and push ups in a specifically defined form. She was taken at her word for how far she could run and how quickly she could do it. The soldier somehow noted her results on the test pad and escorted her back to the booth where the man she'd first spoken to was still seated.

The seat was empty so she sat down. He looked up from the file open on his desk. Hers. The overseer handed him the pad. He took it with a skeptical look on his face. He did something with the pad. It must have immediately given him the test results.

His eyes got a little wider. The results weren't perfect, but they certainly weren't bad either. She must have been from a place with a good educational system before showing up here. It was too bad she looked no more than a day over 13.

"It says here you don't know where you're from. Amnesia…" he said. She nodded.

"You don't remember anything? Your friends, family…parents?" he prodded. She was suddenly looking at him intensely.

"I remember my family."

"Tell me about them." She stayed silent and looked away. He shook his head.

"Alright, kid. Let me lay it all on the table for you. Most of you are here today because you've heard there's money in it. Is that why you're here?" Jenna looked at him again.

"That's part of it." He nodded and an expression she didn't understand showed on his face as he shook his head - irritation.

"What's the other part?" If she gave him the answer she'd appear even more desperate than he already seemed to think she was. Desperate wasn't a word she'd use to describe any of the soldiers she'd seen. How could she hope to convince him that she was like them? When she stayed silent too long, he shook his head.

"Going from not knowing where you're from to thinking you have what it takes to join the Alliance? I don't think so, kid. Better luck next time." He closed her file and put it aside. She looked him in the eyes, her gaze intense and focused. Cold. Jenna spoke.

"There won't be a 'next time'. I won't survive that long." She stood and turned to go.

"Hang on. Sit down." She obeyed.

"How old are you?"

"15." She glanced away.

"Lying on an application for service is a criminal offense. How old are you?" His voice was getting louder.

"In a few days, 16." She felt her cheeks flush.

"I'm not going to ask you again. How old are you?" he demanded, almost at a shout. Jenna closed her eyes and took a breath. She tried to put herself into the calm she kept when firing a rifle. Meeting his eyes again, she answered.

"September 12th, 2150. I'm 15." The soldier let out breath and his shoulders went down as he leaned back. He nodded slightly.

"Better. So, what happened with your ID? Where you're from…"

"I know where I'm from. And I know where I'm going."

"Really? Where's that?"

"N7." He scoffed.

"What?!...The N7 program," he said, incredulous. The interviewer looked away and shook his head.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I can." Clueless kid. Utterly clueless.

"N-training is for the elite. Not just the best soldiers, but the best _leaders_ in the Alliance. What makes a snot-nosed kid like you, think you _can_?" he demanded. She met the criticism in his eyes with fire in her own.

"My family was killed. Because they died, my sister and I lived. I need to be strong enough to stand between a bullet and someone who needs my help and live. That's what an N7 does. _That's_ where I need to be." The recruiter looked her over, eyes wide. So that was the rest of the reason she was here.

"You don't think I have...'what it takes'." Jenna stated. The Operations Chief shook his head.

"I've been talking to you for a few minutes. I don't know. But I think that anyone who says it with that kind of conviction deserves the opportunity to try. Welcome to the Academy. We'll get your file started, get your kit and put you into quarters…There's someone you have to say good-bye to?"

Jenna nodded.

"You'll have time."

v

He handed her the datapad and her application file. He stood and grabbed a tight-packed duffle bag from the pile behind him. He put it on the desk. She had her files in one hand and lifted the bag off the desk with her right. He looked at her again. That had been too easy for someone her size. He wouldn't be the last person that fact would take by surprise.

"Head down to the Officers at the docking gate."

"Yes, sir."

"Don't thank me, kid. I'm not sure you should be." She replied with certainty as she moved away, heading for the docking area.

"I am."

v

The interviewer beside him looked around the divider as he seated himself.

"What was that, Chief?" she asked. He laughed and shook his head.

"I don't know. I just get the feeling that one of these days, _I'm_ going to be the one giving _her_ the 'yes, sir'." After a breath in and out, he gestured to the next applicant in line, beckoning them over.

v

Arcturus Station

As one of thirty uniformly dressed individuals in a tight formation, after nine miles of a ten mile run, her eyes were still clear and focused. She still felt strong.

_I've heard it said in times of hardship we find strength in ourselves we don't normally possess. I disagree. Hardship makes what we are into something stronger, or destroys what can't withstand it. - Jenna Shepard_

v

2168 - Gagarin Station (Jump Zero)

Shepard pulled her helmet off, slinging it under one arm as she approached the rest of her squad. Holstering her rifle, she waved at the first of them to look her way. The review had gone well. They saw it in her face. As she got close, one of her squad tried to clear and catch a cartridge to reload but missed the catch. She dove for it but it bounced off her fingers and went skittering across the floor. Shepard shook her head and jogged after it.

Hitting a booted heel it came to a stop. She had a restrained smile on when he looked her way. He met her eyes for a moment and smiled, bending to pick up the cartridge. He walked to meet her rather than make her close the distance.

Dark, short hair. Light brown…almost amber eyes. Easy on the eyes, too. There was a girl standing with the bunch he was with. She had her eyes on him the entire time. Dark eyes. Dark hair. Beautiful. She didn't know it but there were eyes on her, too.

He held the cartridge out to her, staying silent. Anything he wanted to say seemed ridiculously obvious.

"Appreciate it," she said, nodding. He smiled slightly.

"No problem."

As she took the cartridge a shock you could hear passed between them. She jerked her hand back, cartridge returned. She laughed.

"_Wow_." Emphasis on the 'ow', she thought. He took his hand away, a flush starting to show on his cheeks.

"Sorry." One of his friends jogged up behind him and wrapped an arm around his neck, pulling him away.

"Let's go, Volts. We're gonna miss roll call."

The boy smiled and waved as he was dragged backward, back to his friends. She nodded.

"Thanks," she said, loud enough to make sure he could hear it over the noise of the busy station. Turning, she ran back to her squad, handing the cartridge to its rightful owner. She gave her hand a shake.

"That was one hell of a shock."

"No surprise there. They're biotics. Most people here are…Eezo brains." Shepard frowned. His tone was derisive. Someone that…decent…didn't deserve to be seen that way.

"I wonder what it's like," she said absently. She'd read up on biotics to prepare for the training exercise. They were capable of some pretty neat stuff. Having one with you in the field…she looked back to where he'd been standing. The group was long gone.

"Get a move on." She stepped forward, the rest of the squad in tow.

"Let's be ready to ship out."

_A telling moment, momentarily forgotten, never remembered again by either party._

Revised Mass Effect Timeline

2150

\- September 12 - Jenna Shepard born, according to Alliance Enlistment documents

2151

\- Kaidan Alenko born

2152

\- April 11 - Jenna Shepard born

2166

\- Mindoir colony attacked by Batarian slavers

\- BAaT established

\- Assuming the name Jenna Shepard, Shepard successfully enrolls in the Alliance Youth Outreach Program and begins training at the Academy in Vancouver

2168

\- Encounter at Gagarin Station

\- BAaT shut down after Head Instructor, turian Commander Vyrnus, is killed by a student

2173

\- Elysium attacked, Shepard's sister dies

2175

\- Torfan (Shepard is 23 years of age)

A Word from the Author

So…when Shepard and Kaidan first met sparks _actually_ flew. .


	9. Mass Effect 3 Extras - Part 2

Mass Effect 3

Extras - Part 2

An Un-missed Opportunity

"What's keeping you up?" Shepard smiled affectionately.

"An old bit of wisdom I ran across a long time ago. Just resurfaced and won't sink."

"Do tell." Kaidan said sleepily, cozying up closer. Shepard laughed, helping him out.

"The idea goes that anyone who picks up a weapon with the intention of taking a life should understand that a day will have to come when they can put that weapon away forever. When they can look back and say they have accomplished enough, succeeded where they aimed to and the time has come to understand life without...violence...Fail to and you've lost your _self_, your humanity. I keep running around the question in circles. When is it enough? Stopping the Reapers? Hell, will I even live long enough to ask the question again?"

"Saving the galaxy...we won't top that anytime soon...Problem is, what comes next? We'll be the fastest retired Spectres in history."

"Rolling hills, green grass, clear skies, clean rivers, temperate lakes, and no sign of civilization for miles." Kaidan let out a soft whistle. If that was the expected destination, so be it.

"If you get there before I do, don't give up on me." Shepard smiled.

"Never."

v

A Break from Calibrating

"Garrus, I need you to tak..." Shepard stopped cold, eyes wide, glancing back and forth between the two in surprise. Not that she hadn't figured on it coming…

"Oh!"

"We were just…uh…"

"I…well, I just…I came to say good-bye and…"

Garrus and Tali stepped apart.

"My mandible got stuck in her breathing tubes when...I tried to..."

"I thought I might have developed a rupture and I asked him to check, and…"

"You know, because of infection risks. Didn't want to jeopardize the mission…"

"So…"

"Yeah…"

"Uh, guys, I'm really very happy for you. I'm just...gonna go...calibrate somethin'...it's not urgent. Find me whenever you feel you're ready."

"Thanks, Shepard."

"I guess it just helps to have someone to come back to." Shepard smiled and nodded.

"It sure does." Shepard stepped backward out of the main battery, turned herself about and headed for the CIC.

"What do you mean...'to come back to'? This is just a fling, Vakarian. I'm using you for your body." Shepard couldn't help snickering as she walked away.

"You are so mean, but I'm okay with that."

v

Deck 1 – Later On

The cabin doors opened as she picked up a data pad to review the updates Kaidan had passed on so far. She checked on the time. He wouldn't wouldn't be finished with the newest intel reports for a while yet.

"You needed to see me Shepard?"

"Hey. Yeah. I have to talk to you."

"Something you can't tell the Major?"

"Right. He'd probably be hurt - offended - and then he'd shoot me for even..." Shepard let out a tense breath.

"What is it, Shepard?"

"I need you to do something for me. After almost going down with the Geth dreadnaught… I looked at him and I saw someone who wasn't…a loved one, or a friend. I saw a replacement – if this thing ever went sideways. I could convince him, but that would mean bringing the ruthless strategist in me out to assess him."

"You've already done that, and you think that doing it to his face would do damage that could never be repaired." Shepard nodded.

"Viewing this conflict through a lense shaped by experience and less by the Alliance and Council, he's often more perceptive than I am. If we don't succeed, there's no one better able to pull the pieces back together and try again."

"Shepard, what are you getting at?"

"If, one of these days, I don't make it, he has to. If he won't leave me, get him out - no matter what."

"It's probably a good thing you didn't tell him, Shepard. With that look on your face, you're right. Things between you wouldn't be the same. I'll do it. You have my word." Shepard smiled, there was relief in her heart she felt truly guilty for. Guilt she could live with because it was standing hand in hand with something else - hope.

"Thanks, Garrus."

"I should get back to the battery."

"Take some time, Garrus. I'm sure there's something other than 'calibrating' you'd rather be doing."

"I'll be calibrating something, didn't say it was the cannon." Shepard smiled, laughed, and dropped her forehead into her hand, resting her elbow on her desk, giving her head a shake.

"Sounded better in my head." Shepard was trying not to laugh and failing.

"Yeah," she said, giving him a 'get going' wave. "Thanks."

v

The Last Time

"Shepard, you know you've done everything you could, right?"

"I hope so. I keep re-reading readiness reports thinking I've missed something."

"You know you don't have to take this all on yourself. Look to your crew, to the talented people fighting by your side. What you've accomplished since the Reapers arrived is…it's just nothing short of amazing. It's gonna be…it's gonna be what it is." Shepard nodded.

"What're you thinkin' about?"

"Heh. Well, the good times…and the hard times. It's been an unforgettable few years." Shepard smiled and gave her head a shake, amazed.

"Nine years and my heart still goes crazy as it did that first night." Kaidan laughed, his expression turning to mischief.

"Yeah. I mean, I was pretty spectacular, if I remember right." Shepard bit down on her lips to keep from smiling like a love struck fool. One corner of her lips turned up, and faintly laughing, she nodded. That look in his eyes…he didn't have to try nearly so hard to set her fire. She set down her glass and reached for the underside of his chin, pulling him forward. It was a kiss and a feeling you could lose yourself in.

"I lied. I didn't come here for a quick drink," he admitted wearing a half smile. Shepard donned one in full.

"No kiddin'."

v

"You know…I'm _never_ going to leave you. I love you." Kaidan exhaled.

"I love you, Jenna. I always have. Through all these years, through…through everything. I'm the luckiest soul alive." Letting her knees slide out, her weight came to rest on his hips. Even through the clothing between them she could feel the heat. Their lips met and sealed as his arms closed around her, trailing up her back. He pulled her in, close and tight. Shepard pulled back, suddenly wondering if this was more for her benefit than theirs. She moved to lift herself away and he took hold of her hand and waist.

"Hey...where are you going?" he asked. Shepard smiled, thinking, _Alright. As long as we're in this together._

"Then you'd better hold on tight." Shepard said, resting one hand across his jaw and neck, her thumb settling on his cheekbone. With a kiss, the gate swung open.

v

"...What you've done, Shepard...is build hope."

"I'm glad I can help you feel that way. But...even I need to find it somewhere, too." Jenna let out a sigh. "The time I spent with Cerberus...I don't know how many times I put my guns down and considered leaving this whole mess behind. The thought that had me picking them up again every single time - that kept me alive - was getting back to you."

"So that's what it was. Here I was, hoping death might actually be afraid of you."

"It should be. 'Cause you know what's changed since then?"

"What?" Kaidan said, sensing a script. Shepard smiled and gently touched his cheek. She felt herself flush as she kissed him.

"Nothing."

v

The Last Stand

Shepard knelt before the set of photographs she kept - each one a good friend gone on ahead. She lit the incense and waited until a thin tendril of smoke rose. Taking a wisp of smoke in hand, she put her hands together in prayer. Kaidan stopped what he was doing and watched, surprised.

"Honoured friends, grant that my hands be steady, my aim be true and my feet, swift. Should the worst come to pass watch over those I leave behind."

"You said Thane used to ask for forgiveness." Kaidan observed. Shepard laughed shortly, standing and taking her helmet under her arm. She walked over to Kaidan and reached out a hand, grasping his forearm and pulling him close. They stood cheek to cheek for a moment. As Kaidan stood back, Shepard put her helmet on.

"Why would I want forgiveness for myself when a life could be saved instead?" Kaidan nodded.

"See you on the other side, Shepard."

"See you on the other side."

v

Departure – Fleet Massing

"Hey, Kaidan."

"Hey. There you are."

"You ready?"

"Absolutely. For anything. Bring it on."

"And Biotics Division? Your students?"

"Heh. More than ready. Eager. That's youth for you. Guess we're old soldiers, eh, Shepard?"

"Yeah, we are." _When the hell did that happen?_ she wondered.

"Comrades-in-arms. We know the score. We know this is good-bye." Shepard found and held his gaze.

_No. Never._

"'Good-bye' isn't for us. On the other side of this, I will find you. I just won't make promises about when...or where."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna fight like hell for the chance to hold you again." Kaidan took in a strained breath. The muscle wrapped tight around his ribcage made it hard.

"But listen, there're things I want to say...I mean, looking back, I have a few regrets, but not many. That's pretty damn amazing, right? Messed up kid that I was. Never would have dreamed the life I've had. And I owe a lot of that to you."

"And I owe you a piece of…life…I _never_ thought I'd find." _I owe you the hope that keeps me going, that has me dreaming about and planning for a future I don't know we'll see, _thought Shepard. Kaidan laughed, moving in closer.

"How are you doing? Scared?"

"Oh yeah. But that fear is going to keep me sharp, straight through their heart and out the other side."

"Yeah. Exactly." The moment hit like ice water. Shepard went rigid as her eyes went wide, clinging to every detail she could take in.

"Stay alive, Major," she said, working past the lump in her throat. She looked to the hangar door and moved to go. Kaidan took hold of her arm and brought her back, surprised by how stiff she was and having a hard time keeping himself steady. His lips found hers and thawed her out. Her spine took the shape it needed to leave no space between them. Needing a breath, he pulled away. The moment he had it he was pulled back in. The tension in his jaw relaxed, the quiver in his lips, gone. For a moment, it felt like the armour and clothing between them wasn't there…If he didn't let go now, he never would. He stepped back, eyes narrow and locked to Shepard's.

"I can't lose you again," he said. Shepard replied with a deliberate nod, taking a step back. Kaidan looked away, leaving her nothing to stay for.

"I should find the rest of my squad."

"Yeah." Shepard whispered, moving away and heading for the bay door.

"You know, I've never been to London. Hmn…" Shepard stepped through the hangar door. It snapped closed behind her and she stepped to the side dropping her helmet and leaning back against the wall, eyes far away. She grit her teeth, keeping tears at bay.

_If there is breath left in me, I'll use it to find you. I promise you._

v

The Shepard

"Let's make sure the Fleets are ready." Admiral Hackett said. He headed for the galaxy map in the CIC and suddenly stopped.

"All fleets reporting in, sir."

It might take more than a few firm words to win this fight - not just hope, but belief. And a fire you would follow into hell itself.

"Shepard," he said.

"Sir?"

"Make us believe." Shepard nodded, stepping up to the map.

"Joker, patch us into the Fleet and the allied outposts on the ground."

"Aye, Commander."

Every holographic terminal on the ship, throughout the fleet and on the ground came alive with the Commander's likeness. A deep tone sounded across the network.

v

"I know many of us, here and throughout the galaxy, are daunted by our enemy – afraid of them. I know because I am. Before accepting command of forces set to deploy on the ground, someone I love told me this: We're old soldiers. Comrades-in-arms. We know the score. We know this is good-bye.

We've parted ways, possibly for good, and those words have me asking myself, 'What, exactly, do I know'?

I know our enemy is not the Reapers. It is darkness - the empty oblivion of non-existence. I know that we are faced with the most terrifying threat any species has ever known. I know that, at the start, isolated by our fears, many of us lashed out at something in the darkness, expecting an enemy. Instead they took the hit, and then took our hands in allegiance. When they did, the darkness receded, and we saw that assumed enemy for what they really are – our allies and friends.

Alone, we are small, and we are weak. But even with darkness closing in around us, we are – _none _of us! – alone. Because we stand United. Together, we are Strong. We find extraordinary strength in the bonds we share with those fighting beside us, and those we cherish. In the light of those bonds the darkness of our differences and our enemy _cannot_ prevail!

This truth governs all that exists in the universe. It is the _nature_ of life.

With the strength of that unchanging, _unyielding_ truth, the Reapers will be made to know this: We can overcome! We will survive! And we will _FOREVER Remember Why!_" Shepard stood square to the galaxy map rail, one fist thrust into the air. Steady. Straight. Strong. Undaunted - a figure to be remembered, perhaps forever.

"Normandy out."

The cheer on the Normandy was deafening. Joker cut the feed.

v

Shepard stepped down from the dias. Admiral Hackett reached out and shook her hand putting a hand on her shoulder. There was something she didn't expect in his expression. Pride.

"The way that started out Shepard, I was worried you'd gone soft on me."

"Well, a very wise woman once told me that whatever we accomplish in life, we're human first."

"Who was that?"

"Kaidan's mother." Admiral Hackett laughed. He couldn't quite pin it down, but around these two, every now and then, a piece of an unknowable puzzle seemed to fit into place.

"Well, that did it, Shepard. Got us ready."

"How do you know?"

"Because it got me." Shepard smiled. _Good._

"Let's get you briefed." Hackett said. Shepard nodded, following him back to the QEC.

v

Crew Address – FOB London

"You know better than anyone what's at stake. You all, for better or worse,_ know_ me, you know how I feel about this fight, about you. Today is not your last. So let me give you a piece of advice once given to me: you have a lot of life ahead of you. But take it from me; a future you don't plan for, will never happen. Now, I don't know about all of you, but I've got plans - most of them involving a certain Major and finding oceanfront property somewhere along the Canadian west coast. So let's win this thing, and go _Home_!"

v

Push for the Beam

"Shepard! Don't leave me behind." Kaidan said as she handed him over to Garrus. Shepard took hold of his helmet firmly with both hands.

"Survive! That's an order." Shepard shouted over the noise of the battle, her eyes locked into his. As she turned away he took hold of her arm, like he wouldn't let go.

_Don't. _Facing him, Shepard replied.

"I love you." Three words that break the heart when they also mean 'good-bye'.

_Boundlessly. Endlessly._

"I love you." Kaidan answered, letting go. Shepard ran off the ramp toward cover. From the relative shelter of the concrete debris she looked up as the Normandy carried him away.

"Joker, pull back to the rendezvous point!"

"Commander!?"

"NOW!" she ordered, breaking cover and sprinting toward the beam.

v

On Board The Crucible

The Crucible tower rumbled and shook beneath her feet. Anderson leaned himself back against the bulkhead. He was bleeding out fast. He'd be gone before the Crucible fired. Shepard limped over to him and extended a hand to help him up.

"End of line, Shepard. Not a bad way to retire. Not at all." Shepard grimaced. She leaned down to grab his hand. Anderson shook his head.

"Get going. Or I'll shoot you myself." She smiled half-heartedly and shook her head, falling to her knees. She reached out a hand and he took hold of her forearm.

"Anderson..." Her head hung and it started to feel involuntary.

"You know something, Shepard? It feels like its been forever since I just...sat down." She closed her eyes and smiled, replying.

"Get some rest. You've earned it." Shepard shivered.

"Shepard?"

"Sir...?" She took in a painful breath and looked up.

"You did good, child. You did good."

Shepard smiled, tears in her eyes. Anderson relaxed, letting go. "Anderson?" There was no response. Shepard's upper lip twitched as her expression hardened. She had a promise to keep. She took a breath in and stood shakily. As Shepard hobbled toward the elevator, Admiral Hackett came through over her com-link.

v

"It is a choice only you have ever had the opportunity to make. Without absolute conviction, it will fail. Doubt it and the Crucible will not respond."

Shepard moved toward the destruction of the Reapers. The star-child walked with her.

"I walk beside of the end of our existence. Before you do this, I ask you, why?"

Shepard approached the terminal, watching as a clear hatch slid back, exposing two rectangular divets in the underlying panel, each large enough for a hand. Shepard holstered her pistol, extended her hands, holding them above the panels. An energy that seemed liquid yet intangible coated the bottom of the panels.

_Win or lose, my money's on you, Kaidan; on the hope that we can be better. That we can be wiser, and that this time, we can evolve and we will always remember why. _

"Win or lose, my money's on us. Faith is a bridge between what we know and what we believe." Shepard gestured to the battle unfolding outside the tower. "_That_ is my reality. I believe we can peacefully co-exist. I will walk that path, even if no ground exists beneath my first steps."

"If you believe it so certainly, why do you hesitate?"

"I don't want to go alone. Walk with me." Shepard said, extending a hand. The projection of the young boy took hold of her hand. She gently guided him forward, until he stood between her and the terminal. She rested one of his tiny hands on the back of hers. He followed suit as she rested her other hand in the second panel.

"Trust me."

"I cannot 'trust', Shepard. I am a synthetic consciousness."

"Then act as if you do. Just maybe, one day, you'll find you _feel_ the action's meaning."

"For me, that is _not_ possible."

"You know something? It's possible humans logically understood the reason for faith long before the first of us felt it. Stop being so certain. Only by going to where you find yourself uncertain can you hope to experience something...new."

"Shepard...wait..." said the Catalyst. She smiled, thinking, _Yes, you do._

"For what little it's worth, if this doesn't work...I'm sorry." She knelt, rested her cheek on the young boy's shoulder and closed her eyes.

_I'm ready._

v

Shepard woke on the floor at the foot of the Crucible terminal. The Catalyst was gone. How much time had passed? It was impossible to know. The gap between her last memory and this felt disturbingly...immense. She found herself feeling less pain. Maybe her mind was simply beginning to shut the pain out, preparing to shut down. Or, maybe, she could move.

v

She did. Scraping her hand cannon up off the floor as she moved by she limping ran to the panel that had carried her up. Moments after her weight shifted onto it, it began to descend. With the ground still dangerously far below, a stray piece of debris from a Reaper struck the dome overhead. A chunk of an interior beam plummeted toward her.

v

Shepard dove from the edge of the panel, rolling and struggling to find her feet as the debris landed some twenty feet away. She dropped her rifles and collector beam, shedding anything else she didn't need to carry, hand cannon excepted. She made a direct line to the elevator, limping. She collided with the back of the elevator and selected the departure level. Halfway down the tower. The light of the Crucible overhead left her in awe momentarily. She imagined it might feel the same, standing before the gates of the afterlife. An explosion rocked and halted the car, throwing her to the floor. A series of loud clangs echoed in the shaft over head.

v

A chunk of debris came crashing through the ceiling. It landed narrowly missing her good leg. She was up faster than she thought she could be and scrambled up the debris up into the shaft. Two feet above the top of the car was a closed door. There were two panels on either side of the door. A circuit bypass on each might trick the system and open the door. At this point there was nothing she wouldn't try.

v

The door hissed open. A particularly loud clang sounded overhead. Shepard hauled herself through the door, forgoing an upward glance. The debris hurtling down the shaft took out the car behind her. Finding her feet and weapon she tried to discern where she was. Going to a nearby window, it looked as though any remaining transports were docked just two floors down. She started toward an elevator 60 feet away. She froze as a Reaper ran past the end of the hallway. It saw her, turning back. Shepard threw an explosive charge and ducked for cover down a hall just ahead. She paused waiting for any sound of movement.

v

Looking to her left she noticed a large hatch. She hobbled over to the window as fast as she could manage. There was a maintenance shaft running up and down the building like a vein on a leaf. There was a panel beside the hatch. When she tried to open the panel it sparked and appeared to short circuit, cutting off access.

v

Using her omni-tool she forcibly pried the panel back. Rerouting a few of the lines still intact powered the deadbolt mechanism. Her last bypass triggered the locking mechanisms. She heaved the panel back and crawled into the shaft behind it. She heard the metallic clank of Reaper footfalls in the hall.

v

She armed her last incendiary grenade, dropping it into the hallway and scrambling for the external maintenance shaft. 10 seconds passed and the concussive wave of the exploding grenade left her ears ringing and her sight blurred. She moved on downward in spite of it. Her bad leg slipped off its rung.

v

Dropping her pistol she seized a ladder rung with both hands. With her injured ribs one hand would have given out. She lowered herself down the next 20 feet favouring her good leg. Looking to the right it was apparent she had reached the docking level. The tube below her was empty. She found the hatch in this tube on the opposite side. The bypass circuitry was covered by a panel with a manual locking mechanism. Seemed no one was concerned with anyone getting out of the maintenance crawlspaces. Good thing. She climbed out of the crawlspace, heading for the nearest dock. She rounded the corner seeing three Alliance marines in a running retreat from an oncoming wave of Reaper soldiers.

v

She made a break for the shuttle, staying behind cover. The shuttle was a civilian model, similar to the Normandy's away shuttle. Just similar enough that that hatch could be bypassed with ease. She fell into the cockpit seat and started the ship's drive.

"Stop! WAIT!"

Shepard didn't hesitate. She sealed the hatch, released the docking clamps and smoothly guided the shuttle clear of the dock. Shepard looked upward considering an escape trajectory. She smiled.

v

Get low, get fast. The fewer _moving_ obstacles, the better. She burned away from the tower at a reckless pace following one of the stabilizing arms down into the air space above the metropolis encased in the petals of the Citadel. Tense seconds raced by. The Crucible would detonate any moment now. Shepard initiated the craft's landing sequence, lacking a clear choice of landing spot. She quickly scanned the landscape.

Somewhere the surrounding buildings were already _down_. The Crucible fired. Shepard closed her eyes before they could be seared by the Crucible's obliterating bluish-white light. Opening her eyes again, she fought to keep the shuttle's trajectory level. Her sight went dark.

v

Disengage

"All Fleets! The Crucible is armed! Disengage and fall back to your rendezvous points." Admiral Hackett ordered.

Joker ignored the order. They were _not_ leaving. Garrus ran up, holding on to an empty chair at the side of the cockpit.

"I repeat! Disengage and get the hell out of here!" Admiral Hackett repeated.

Garrus stepped over, taking hold of the back of the pilot's seat, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Joker, listen. We have to go." Joker's expression twisted in anger.

"No."

Kaidan took hold of the rung above the door to the cockpit.

"Joker." Joker turned, sadness on his face, starting to shake. There was a shadow over Kaidan's face and intensity to his eyes that erased any question from Joker's mind. He gave the order and his voice was steady.

"Fall back." Joker turned back to the helm, defeat warping his expression.

"Dammit."

v

Threshold

Shepard opened her eyes. It was blindingly bright...and disturbingly quiet. She was lying down. She moved her arms and despite feeling like she was lying on her back, she found there was nothing beneath her. As she turned to look behind her she suddenly and disorientingly, found herself on her feet. Shepard exhaled, shouldering grim acceptance.

"Yeah. There's no walking away from that. Fuck." she said, grimacing as she thought of Kaidan. She bit down on the lump forming at the top of her throat, swallowing forcefully. She looked around. Her sight wasn't gone. Everything _was_ white. Despite being pure white she still got the distinct impression of undulating movement in the space around her. This was a place anyone with vertigo would _hate_. Wasn't a problem for her, though. Rock solid. She inhaled. Now to figure out what came next...

"It's been a while, Commander. To you, anyway." Shepard smiled crookedly and turned.

"Ash." Ashley walked up and extended a hand. Shepard eyed her cautiously.

"For crying out loud, I'm not gonna rip your arm off and beat you with the wet end. God knows there was a time when I would've like to." Shepard genuinely smiled, quickly turning the handshake into a hug.

"It's good to see you." As she said it, familiar faces began appearing from underneath the mist. Mordin. Thane..._Legion_. _EDI. _Dammit. _Joker…_

Shepard said the first thing that came to mind. A tear rolled down each cheek.

"Thank you. For everything." So well as each could, they smiled and nodded.

"Thank you, Shepard." Mordin answered.

"I am honoured, Shepard-Commander."

"It was my pleasure." Thane replied.

"You are welcome, Shepard." said EDI.

"How did we do?" Ashley asked. Shepard looked to each of them, slightly confused. Then she found understanding where there had been none before. She closed her eyes, searching. Her eyelids snapped open, eyes seeing into life once again.

v

The Normandy's hatch slid open and the emergency ramp deployed. Joker...Liara...Kaidan. _Thank you..._

A classroom...young recruits...Jacob.

Sunshine...a reclining chair...and an umbrella drink. She grinned broadly. Zaeed...

Tali...Garrus…

Raan…

A baby in arms...Bakara…Wrex.

v

Shepard opened her eyes as she laughed and grinned at Ashley. She began to walk toward the others. Their arms went up, blocking her path.

"Just where do you think you're going?" Ashley demanded.

"Where someone dead usually goes from here." Ashley walked over and levelled her best right hook squarely at Shepard's jaw. Shepard stumbled to the side and blinked, thinking, _Now I know I'm in trouble. That didn't hurt._

"The Shepard I remember never gave up that easy." Ash admonished. Thane spoke.

"If I know you, Shepard, and I feel I do, you have made promises to which you must remain true."

Shepard looked between them, confused. Ashley laughed and said,

"Is it over...Shepard?" Shepard turned to her. Fondly, she looked to each of them again, and smiled, satisfied. Nodding, she said,

"It's over." Ashley set herself squarely in front of Shepard.

"Then get the hell out. You shouldn't be here. Not yet." Her fist connected and the sound reverberated through every fibre of Shepard's being as the world went black.

v

It may be the most extraordinary property of a synthetic device: it's innate ability to detect the existence of a single, faint electrical charge and from that tiny spark, pull itself up by the thinnest of bootstraps, to become something highly functioning, intelligent and, eventually, something more... something...evolved.

The first breath of a new life.

v

In the Aftermath

Kaidan stepped into the Captain's cabin of the Normandy. The distress beacon was in place. Help had been in contact but there was no way to know when they would arrive. The organizing of salvage and a search for fresh supplies was underway. The window overhead was littered with branches, leaves and other pieces of debris. He seated himself on the bedside, pulling an overturned bedside table upright and placing it where it belonged, by his side of the bed...He rested his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands. She had always slept on the right, and he on the left. Not once had he thought of this side as his. Only now.

The contents of the drawers were strewn across the cabin floor. He opened the top drawer to collect the few things nearest the side of the bed. The bright white against the black interior caught his eye. Two dried drops of water marred the paper.

Until you, I never kept, or wanted, much of anything for myself.

Blue skies, tall grass, rolling hills, temperate lakes, clear rivers and clean rains…No sign of civilization for miles.

I always had the distinct feeling you thought I meant 'heaven'.

If a time after 'this time' in our life ever comes, you'll know I meant every word I said.

Whatever lies in the space between now and then, I'll be loving you.

Love me.

Jenna

[Cue Epilogue]

v

Threshold – "I'll Meet You"

Shepard opened her eyes. It was blindingly bright...and disturbingly quiet. She was lying down. She moved her arms and despite feeling like she was lying on her back, she found there was nothing beneath her. As she turned to look behind her she suddenly and disorientingly, found herself on her feet. Shepard exhaled, shouldering grim acceptance.

"Yeah. There's no walking away from that. Fuck." she said, grimacing as she thought of Kaidan. She bit down on the lump forming at the top of her throat, swallowing forcefully. She looked around. Her sight wasn't gone. Everything _was_ white. Despite being pure white she still got the distinct impression of undulating movement in the space around her. This was a place anyone with vertigo would _hate_. Wasn't a problem for her, though. Rock solid. She inhaled. Now to figure out what came next...

"It's been a while, Commander. To you, anyway." Shepard smiled crookedly and turned.

"Ash." Ashley walked up and extended a hand. Shepard eyed her cautiously.

"For crying out loud, I'm not gonna rip your arm off and beat you with it. God knows there was a time when I would've like to." Shepard genuinely smiled, quickly turning the handshake into a hug.

"It's good to see you." As she said it, familiar faces began appearing from underneath the mist. Mordin. Thane..._Legion_. _EDI. _Dammit. _Joker_…

Shepard said the first thing that came to mind. A tear rolled down each cheek.

"Thank you. For everything." So well as each could, they smiled and nodded.

Ashley said nothing, letting a respectful nod speak for itself.

"Thank you, Shepard." Mordin answered.

"I am honoured, Shepard-Commander."

"It was my pleasure." Thane replied.

"You are welcome, Shepard." said EDI.

"How'd it go, Shepard?" Shepard turned to Ashley, slightly confused. Then she found understanding where there had been none before. She closed her eyes, searching. Her eyelids snapped open, eyes seeing into life once again.

v

The Normandy's hatch slid open and the emergency ramp deployed. Joker...Liara...Garrus...Kaidan. _Thank you..._

A classroom...young children...Jacob.

Sunshine...a reclining chair...and an umbrella drink. She grinned broadly. Zaeed...

Tali...

Raan…

A baby in arms...Bakara…Wrex.

v

Shepard opened her eyes as she laughed and grinned at Ashley. She began to walk toward the others.

"Is it over?" Ash asked. Fondly, Shepard looked to each of them, and smiled, satisfied. Nodding, she said,

"It's over."

"And? Was it enough?" Ash asked. Shepard wore a bittersweet smile, remembering the best of the times they had shared.

v

_I'm not the sort who does that kind of thing, not lightly anyway…_

_Shepard! Holy…!_

_A strong, regular heartbeat…_

_I've never met a woman who…_

_I love you…_

_We should record this, and broadcast it for the Reapers…!_

_The warmth of the living room fire…_

_Welcome home…_

_I'm the luckiest soul alive…_

_v_

"Yeah. It was." Shepard met Ash's gaze squarely, fondness and gratitude showing on her face. Ash gestured toward the others, meaning for Shepard to follow.

"Where to?" asked Shepard. Ashley smiled.

"Where someone dead usually goes from here." _Don't give up on me…_the words echoed around her. Shepard came to a stop. Ash frowned.

"What is it?" Shepard laughed.

"There's still one promise left to keep." Ashley nodded, understanding. She shook her head, wearing a knowing smile and let go of Shepard. Keeping eyes on her, she backed up a few steps before turning and disappearing into the ether. Shepard stripped off her armour plating, wearing only her jumpsuit. She looked herself over, wondering… Her uniform and jumpsuit disintegrated, swirling away into the ether. Shepard smiled. Slowly, her feet moved until they hung loosely beneath her. Arms spread, her heart racing, she turned her gaze forward, eyes seeing more than ever before.

Wherever he went in this life, he wouldn't go alone.


	10. Mass Effect 3 Extras - Renegade

Chapter 3 – Mass Effect 3

Reunion – Awake on the Citadel

_Kaidan,_

_I don't hold anything said at Horizon against you. I won't insult you, by trying to convince you I can empathize with what you've been through. I think I might understand it, though. Someone once told me that love and hate are not emotions on opposite ends of a spectrum. As your capacity to love someone increases so does your capacity for hate._

_In the months since I woke up in the middle of a firefight on an operating table at a Cerberus facility, I realized I've spent this time trying to navigate dark water, with nothing to get my bearings from. Seeing you on Horizon, and your letter..._

_You gave me the bearing of my home harbour again. Thank you, for that. It reminded me that this isn't the Normandy, it's just a port of call._

_I'm glad you stayed with the Alliance, at Horizon. I need someone there. Someone I can trust beyond any measure of doubt, who can stay out of Cerberus' reach. I don't know what kind of person stopping the Collector's is going to make me into...if even I can't remember the person I used to be, I want someone to._

_I can't believe I'm writing this on paper. I refuse to put it anywhere Cerberus can find it._

_In any case, I'll be careful, I promise. My thoughts are with you as often as they can be._

_Kaidan, I can't wait for the day you get to read this._

_Love,_

_Jenna_

v

Shepard walked into the med bay, a box wrapped in blue paper in hand. A nurse stopped her asking her to identify herself.

"Commander Shepard. I'm here to see Major Alenko."

"He's still asleep..."

"I won't wake him, but I'd like to leave something for him."

"Certainly. He's right through there." The nurse replied, pointing to the doors at the end of the hall. Shepard nodded gratefully and smiled. Shepard went into the room, its glass wall darkened to keep out the glare of city lights - bright as day even at night. Shepard went over to the bedside table and silently set the package down. She watched the heart rate monitor spike and fall with almost perfectly regularity. She reached for the patient chart hanging by the head of the bed. As she read, the sound of the monitor beep had her eyelids dropping to the same rhythm. Better be careful, she thought, or I'll fall asleep standing here. Shepard set the chart back into place, smiled on Kaidan affectionately and stepped out of the room. She thought for a moment she heard him say her name, but she kept walking, sure she'd imagined it. Or not. She heard her name again. She stopped in place for a moment, eyes wide, then turned back.

She opened the door enough to look through.

"Kaidan?"

"Shepard." Shepard smiled and stepped into the room. She wheeled the bedside chair closer to the bed and seated herself. She leaned back and took a solemn breath in, eyes unblinking, as she looked him over.

"Wow. You look like you tried going for a romp in the hay with a Thresher Maw and it was having none of it." Kaidan smiled and laughed as carefully as he could.

"Hope you can still love a man who's not quite as pretty as he used to be." Kaidan lamented, half serious, though also in no mood to dance around how he felt. Shepard leaned forward, elbows on her knees.

"As long all the important bits are still working, I'll stick around." Kaidan laughed, wincing as he did.

"Define, 'important bits'."

"In descending order of importance - head, heart, and...you get the idea." Shepard said, giving his hipbone a gentle prod. Kaidan started truly laughing, in pain at the same time.

"For the love of...don't make me laugh." Kaidan said then coughed as he settled himself down. Jenna brought her chair up closer to the side of the bed. Kaidan took a needed breath in and let his head fall to the side facing her.

"Did you leave this?" he asked, seeing the wrapped box on the side table.

"Yeah."

"Can I open it?"

"Sure. Why not?" Shepard picked up the present and handed it to him.

"You've spent months working with Cerberus. I turned my back on you at Horizon. Should I be worried?"

"It's not going to explode. Just open it." Jenna smiled and leaned back, putting an ankle to rest up on her knee. Kaidan opened the box and lifted out a decorative bottle branded from a vintner in the Okanagan Valley, British Columbia.

"Ice wine. Wow, Shepard, I don't know what to say."

"My favourite. Thought you should know."

"I'll remember that. We'll find a special occasion to crack it open. Maybe getting out of here." Kaidan fingered the card and looked at Shepard as she took the bottle and box and set them on the bedside table again.

"I wrote that the day I received your letter apologizing for Horizon. I wanted to wait until we'd patched things up, but, hell, there are too many reasons that may never happen. So..." Shepard put a hand out as if to say 'go for it' and looked away. Kaidan frowned and open the envelope. His expression softened as his eyes moved down the page.

"Jenna...when you didn't write back I thought...I heard you and Garrus became pretty close..."

"I trust Garrus. He's…a good friend - second only to you. He's half the reason I'm still here. Kaidan, if you were my right hand, Garrus was the left." Jenna explained, leaning forward, resting her forearms on the edge of the cot. Kaidan let out a breath and let his head fall back onto his pillow. He reached out a hand, looking for hers. Jenna took it. She put a kiss on the back of his hand.

"Whatever you think about this...tell me. I don't want it to go unsaid."

"You know, you've never told me you love me. There are things you say, and I'm pretty sure it's what you mean, but those three words...haven't heard those yet."

"I don't want to say when it could be just an obligatory response. I want it to just...happen. It may mean that, one of these days, you're going to have to give me the chance to say it first."

"Shepard...you are...!" Kaidan started to say, incredulous. Jenna's eyes went wide and she sat back slightly, keeping a hold on his hand.

"Out with it." Jenna challenged him. Kaidan let out an exasperated breath and shook his head.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I don't have words adequate to say it." Shepard rolled her chair up closer to the head of the bed.

"Kaidan, I'm in. No way out. Whether we're sound of mind and body or not." Kaidan reached for her cheek, nudging her closer. Shepard took the hint a bridged the rest of the gap. Before she knew what was happening again she needed air. She backed away from him, taking a deep, content breath.

"Actions speak louder than words." Kaidan said.

"I hear you loud and clear." Jenna replied. The lights from inside the clinic went dim. The nursing staff had made the windows a one-way mirror looking out.

"That's my exit cue. I better go." Shepard stood, rolling the chair back to where it had been. She relaxed her grip on his hand but he didn't let go. She stood still, waiting for Kaidan to say whatever he was wrestling with.

"Jenna..." Shepard stepped back to the bedside, holding his hand as securely as he was hers.

"...don't leave."

Jenna's eyes went wider in surprise. She quickly glanced around the room and out toward the nursing station.

"I should..."

"Hold on. You can steal the Alliance flagship, not batting an eye, but when I ask you to break hospital visitation protocol..." Jenna put a finger to his lips.

"I should find a pillow."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Jenna let go of Kaidan's hand. She shed her jacket and left it beside Kaidan on the bed. There was nothing in the cupboards near at hand. She began looking further afield in the room.

"Hey, Shepard, don't worry. This one's plenty big enough for two."

"I like the idea, but..."

"Shepard, I'm willing to bet putting the blinds down was a courtesy not a hint. If it's actions we're relying on rather than words, I could use a little more time to communicate." Jenna couldn't resist a good helping of whole-hearted laughter. Not that she wasn't _game_ for some intimate contact, but…

"I read your chart, Kaidan. Five compromised ribs. One broken. Other minor fractures. To say nothing of what an increase in blood pressure might do to your head." Kaidan took a deep breath.

"I may not be able to do much of the work…but the most important part of this idea is working just fine." Jenna turned away from the cupboard she rooting through for a moment and looked on, surprised, with one eyebrow raised in interest. She let out the slightest whistle.

"I can see that." Kaidan laughed.

"God, Shepard, you're killing me."

"No, I'm healing you. Didn't you read the doctor's note? Laughter's the best medicine."

"Not when it's pulling freshly knitted muscle off fractured ribs."

"Ouch. Granted. Though, I am willing to bet the soul feels a hell of a lot better right now."

"Mmm hmm. Yeah. That it does." Kaidan closed his eyes and smiled, content.

"I am staying. Hold those thoughts. We'll make time for them as soon as you're out of here."

"And there goes one of the last parts of me that isn't some god-awful shade of blue." _You poor man. _Jenna couldn't keep herself from laughing. It felt good to be laughing with him.

"If we don't quit this banter, they _are_ going to kick me out," she said, triumphantly producing a pillow from the closet she'd just opened.

"Sleep's coming, Jenna. Pretty sure I can't stop it." Jenna pulled the chair back near the bedside and took a seat.

"Don't try."

Kaidan gave himself another shot of pain medication. Laughing was really beginning to hurt. She had to look a little closer at how he was sleeping to set herself up. The head of the bed was at an incline. She lowered it down and put the pillow as close to his as possible. She took his hand in hers and folded his arm over so their hands could rest on his shoulder, away from anywhere that might cause serious pain.

"Relax. Morning is coming too soon." Kaidan suddenly had a troubled look on his face, with eyes wide open.

"Promise me you won't go."

"Wild varen, Kaidan. Wild varen." Kaidan laughed and moaned when he tensed the wrong muscles. Before long the heart rate monitors had Kaidan in a deep sleep. Shepard brought herself out of the nap she was in. She tried to slide her hand out of his and when she moved him in the slightest, the heart rate monitor would start to read erratically. She sighed, resigned. It was only a few more tries before she gave in.

"All right, Endymion. As you wish," she whispered, snuggling into the pillow and letting herself plummet headfirst into her night's rest.

"...She was amazed to discover that when he was saying, 'as you wish', what he really meant was, 'I love you'."

\- The Princess Bride

v

Shepard woke up quite suddenly, sitting straight up. The sun was bright in the window, but low on the horizon. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and had to wipe saliva away from the corner of her mouth with the heel of her hand.

"Augh. Gross," she said, standing and stepping on her jacket with her first step. Oh. So that's where it went. Jenna shook her head to clear away the last of the sleep clinging to her and yawned. She walked over to the sink and rinsed the cotton balls out of her mouth. She washed her hands and rinsed her entire face, leaving a thin coat of cold water on it to soak in. She returned to Kaidan's bedside to find him just opening his eyes. Picking her jacket up off the floor she put it on the back of the chair. She picked up her pillow and tossed it into the dirty linen bin.

"Morning," said Shepard, smiling and stretching her arms out as she sat down again. The chair had quite the impression in it.

"Morning." Jenna kissed him on the shoulder. Kaidan couldn't help laughing.

"What are you thinking?" Kaidan asked. Jenna smiled and giggled.

"Other than the obvious?…I'm thinking I haven't slept that well…since Ilos. I'm also feeling a little silly about the fact that even being a galactic hero isn't enough to keep you from drooling on a pillow when you sleep on it face down." Kaidan couldn't help laughing.

"You have one mean streak."

"And you love it."

"Yeah. I do." Jenna stood and gave him a kiss proper. Kaidan tried to move one of his legs when she did and the effort resulted in an obviously painful inhale and wince. Jenna looked to the nurse's station. It was empty. Thankfully, there was a doctor coming toward their room.

"Good morning, Commander. Major."

"Good morning, Doctor." said Jenna, looking back to Kaidan with concern on her face. Kaidan had his eyes closed and was making every effort to breath slowly and deeply. Jenna moved around to the other side of the bed, out of the doctor's way. He walked over to the bedside and, after a brief look at the chart hanging by the head of the bed, entered a dosage for the medication Kaidan was on and dispensed the dose into his drip.

"No. No more medication," said Kaidan gruffly.

"It will mellow you out, nothing more. You're making good progress, Major. We're going to start stepping you down off your dosage of painkillers tomorrow." The doctor looked between the two of them as if he wanted to say more.

"Look, I know the two of you had a good time last night, but there's only so much good it can do." Shepard looked between Kaidan and the Doctor, confused.

"Wait, the nurses could still see us?" she asked.

"Yeah. It's their job to watch you."

"Damn. I'm suddenly glad we...uh..." said Jenna.

"Oh, wow. Me too." Kaidan agreed. The Doctor leaned back again the shelves behind him, hands clasped in front of him.

"You're in love. I get it. I'm a medical doctor. I understand being human better than most. Still, you need to be focused on the idea of getting out of that bed and back to active duty," he said.

"We hear you, Doctor." Kaidan replied. Jenna smiled and held Kaidan's hand just a little tighter.

"Can I tell you two something?" Jenna put an eyebrow up, curious.

"Shoot."

"Being a doctor makes your mental processes inexorably dependent on logic, but...the two of you are _glowing_, for lack of a better word, in a way the daylight doesn't account for. There is an irrational romantic in me that hopes that kind of light is what's going to put the Reapers back into the shadows they came from, and bury them there for good." Kaidan laughed carefully.

"Is it that obvious, Doctor?" Taken aback, the doctor stepped forward and fixed Kaidan with an intent stare.

"You're joking...she looks at you and the look on her face makes _me_ feel like I can save the galaxy. So get better, Major, and get it done." They smiled and laughed.

"Yes, sir."

The doctor nodded and opened the door to leave.

"Wait, doctor. What time is it?" Shepard asked. He checked his watch.

"It's 5:13." the doctor said before exiting the room. Jenna look liked she'd been electrocuted.

"Shit. I have to run. I have to meet Udina at the Embassy geared up n' ready to rock by zero six." She let go of Kaidan's hand and circled back to the chair to grab her jacket.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan. I love you. I'll be back fast as I can be." she said hurriedly as she put her jacket on and made for the door.

"Jenna! Did you...?" She stopped in her tracks and her eyes went wide, she caught her lower lip in a slight bite. The moment she realized what she'd done was exhilarating. She turned back to Kaidan with a bright smile on her face. She ran back to the bedside and gave him one last deep but careful kiss.

"Be careful."

"I will."

Like a summer wind, she was out the door, down the hall and gone.

A little misbehaviour makes life a whole lot richer.

\- Unknown

Well-behaved women rarely make history.

\- Unknown

v

Shepard made certain she returned to the hospital before disembarking. There was a full complement of nurses bustling about the station and it took them a few minutes to give her their attention. The number of patients in the ward was astounding.

"What can I do for you…?"

"Commander Shepard. I'd like to see Kaidan Alenko for a minute."

"I'm sorry, Commander. He's been sedated. He underwent a small procedure." Shepard narrowed her eyes, suspicion being her overwhelming reaction. He'd managed to come this far without someone watching his back…she couldn't afford to doubt the men and women here. What would be, would be.

"I didn't realize he was scheduled for surgery. I would have come back sooner. Thank you." Shepard said, disappointed, but grateful and respectful. She turned to go and paused, remembering the Doctor. If he was looking after Kaidan, everything would be fine. She thought it might be appropriate to speak with him before she left - tell the Doctor she was glad he was the one looking after him.

"I'm sorry, excuse me, who was the Doctor on duty this morning at about 05:00 hours?" The nurse gave her an odd look.

"I'm not sure. Let me check for you," she replied, curious. Shepard let her gaze wander across the pictures decorating the back wall of the station. A picture of the Doctor they had seen this morning caught her eye. Aaron Sokolov. Dates were hyphenated underneath. 2143 to…2184. Last year. The picture was one of six on a plaque bearing the title…'In Memoriam'.

The nurse looked up to answer her but Shepard was gone. Outside the door and down the hall Shepard stopped moving but her mind was racing round in circles trying to extricate itself from the trappings of the conclusion it was coming to.

_Get it done, Commander_. The thought had crossed her mind unbidden. She smiled and stepped determinedly forward.

_Yes, sir._ Kaidan was in trusted hands. It was time to put hers to use.

v

Fuel Reactor

"Kaidan, back up the Captain."

"Ma'am." Kaidan took off running. The way he'd done it…looked like a happy pup chasing a stick into a lake. Once he was out of sight, Shepard rubbed her helmeted forehead and sighed giving Garrus a loaded look. A blip over the earpiece signaled Kaidan going out of short range communication.

"Oh, cut 'im a break, Shepard. _He's just happy to see you_." Shepard was simultaneously pissed and amused.

"Fuck you, Garrus. Just…fuck you," she said, laughing the entire time.

HUURAAWWR!

Shepard looked toward the reactor core where the sound had come from.

"Well that sounds fun," she quipped, one eyebrow up and a half smile on, reloading her rifle. Garrus laughed.

"Cover up," she said, ducking down behind the nearest crate.

v

Admiral Gerrel

"Your unilateral strike endangered us all! I should charge you with treason!"

"I was acted well within my authority as Admiral of the Heavy Fleet."

"What of Commander Shepard, and Tali Zorah?" Raan demanded, incredulous.

Shepard entered the war room, focused on one thing…

"Shepard! You're military. You understand. The mission parameters changed." Gerrel said dismissively. Shepard approached the Admiral with unsettling directness and speed. She let go a pair of punches to the gut with all her weight behind them. She could have sworn she'd heard ribs snap.

"The dreadnaught had effectively surrendered! You _wasted_ your chance to withdraw safely." Shepard spat. Gerrel sank onto one knee. Admiral Raan stepped toward them.

"Commander! Calm down! You're understandably upset after what's happened to you..." Admiral Raan began. Shepard cut her short, taking hold of Admiral Gerrel by the neck.

"This has nothing to do with what happened to me. Every day I wake up is another day I'm lucky to see. You attacked that dreadnought with my TEAM - one of your own Admirals and my 2IC - still on board!" Shepard shouted.

"The dreadnought was a perfect target! You _and_ your team made it out alive...!" Gerrel said, unrepentant and almost petulant. Shepard took hold of the Admiral by his breathing tubes, pulling him up and toward her.

"Commander!" Tali said in protest. A rupture in the Admiral's suit might kill him.

"Your reckless actions needlessly endangered the entire Fleet. Thank your ancestors no one has to clean you off these walls. Get off my ship." She released the Admiral. He backed away, leaning on the rails for support as he left the war room.

"Shepard, that was unnecessary…" Admiral Raan began. Tali interrupted.

"He almost got us killed, Raan."

"Ask the quarians who died in that attack if a little abuse is fair compensation for their lives." Shepard stated. Raan exhaled heavily.

"You must understand, the geth inflicted heavy casualties before you disabled the Reaper interface."

"It won't make much difference if they have a planetary defense cannon."

"Had. Admiral Koris sacrificed his ship to destroy it. He crash-landed on the homeworld."

"The Normandy can assist with the rescue effort."

"Thank you, Commander. I think the worst is over. The geth no longer possess the programming upgrades installed while they were under Reaper control."

Legion announced his presence, having completed the self-diagnostics he had been instructed to run and report to EDI before rejoining the crew.

"Shepard-Commander. We are prepared to offer assistance."

"What the _hell_ is this?" Admrial Raan demanded, outraged.

"Hold on! Just…take it _easy_," said Shepard standing between them with her back to Legion, "_This_ is Legion. The Reapers were using him as a relay to broadcast commands from the dreadnaught. We freed him."

"It. We freed it." Tali corrected.

"This is a fascinating prototype. With some study I may be able to use it to find a weakness in the geth consensus." Admiral Xen mused. Shepard turned on her.

"He's an ally, Admiral. He helped me destroy the Collectors."

"So did your pistol. Should I worry about its feelings as well?" Admiral Xen retorted. Shepard knew which Admirals she couldn't count on to end this conflict. She closed the space between her and Xen.

"Legion is my friend and representative of the geth race."

"The scientific benefits…"

"Keep talking about experimenting on a member of the geth consensus and I will rip off your face plate and sneeze." Admiral Xen was duly offended and speechless. Admiral Raan approached Legion cautiously.

"What can you tell us about the geth? How will they act without Reaper guidance?"

"This is a false assumption. You have cut off long-range control, but the Old Machines have placed a base on Rannoch to facilitate short range control."

"The geth still have Reaper upgrades?"

"Correct. They are currently disorganized. Once the short range signal emitters compensate they will recover."

"Keelah! I need to warn the Fleet. Xen! Take command of the Civilian Fleet and coordinate with Gerrel. Now." The resentment in the air was tangible. Xen nodded and turned to go.

"We need to take out the Reaper base. Where is it?" Shepard demanded.

"Unknown."

"Find it."

"Understood. Currently known is the location of a server from which geth fighter squadrons are controlled. The squadrons are targeting creator liveships. Disabling them will limit casualties. We offer assistance."

"Appreciated, Legion." Shepard sent Kaidan orders with her omni-tool.

v

Kaidan was in the conference area on his way to the war room when Admiral Xen caught his attention.

"If I may ask you a question, Major..."

"Of course, Admiral."

"I'm hoping you might have some advice on how to…deal with the Commander when she is...in this state of mind." Kaidan shook his head, laughed and continued on to the war room, calling back,

"Sure. Duck and cover."

v

Major Alenko entered the war room as Admiral Raan was leaving. He stood aside to let her pass. Shepard was coming up the stairs behind her, speaking with Tali and Legion. She looked up and saw him.

"Commander."

"Perfect timing, Major. Join us." Shepard opened a channel to Joker and EDI. "Joker, get ready to drop us above Admiral Koris' last known position." The quartet continued through the conference room past the security checkpoint.

"Aye, Commander."

"We're not deactivating the server first? More ships are being destroyed every second we…" Tali said, bewildered.

"I know, Tali. I want Koris back in command of the Civilian Fleet. To boot, if taking down the server doesn't end hostilities, opening a dialogue between the freed geth and the Admiralty is the only option I'll have to curb this. If talks go well we'll need Admiral Koris to vote with you and Raan. "

"She seems open, but…are you sure Admiral Raan will vote to end the war?" Kaidan asked. They stepped into the elevator. Shepard didn't answer until the doors closed. _I'm betting our lives on it. I'd better be, _Shepard thought.

"In the first vote it was Tali and Koris against, Xen and Gerrel for. She was obviously the swing vote. Raan is directly responsible for every death in this conflict – quarian and geth. She's aware of that. She's also a decent person. The burden of that knowledge has already made her decision."

"There are two admirals who want to fight in charge of two sections of the Fleet. If something goes wrong, we have to give her a good reason to break ranks." Kaidan observed grimly. Shepard nodded. Tali glanced at Kaidan then looked down, introspective. If there were a way to feel Rannoch's sun on her skin, she would find it.

v

Trapped in the Archives

"I'm going to enjoy decompressing the airlock with the two of you inside."

v

Brooks

"We had some laughs. And who knows? Maybe we'll have more someday. You know you'll miss me."

"Take her to holding."

"You know, _she_ wouldn't have let me live."

"You can't clone everything."

"C-Sec won't hold me forever, Commander."

Kaidan raised his pistol and let off a shot. Brooks collapsed, minus part of her skull.

Shepard looked to Kaidan in surprise.

"You're not the only one who can shoot her and get off scott-free." Shepard smiled.

"Feel better?"

"I'll sleep better."

"Fair judgement."

"Really? You were you were going to let her live."

"Yes. Really." Shepard turned and began walking away.

"Oh shit. Now he's in trouble." Garrus mused. Because a woman is never okay with something when she says she is.

"That's not...Shepard, are you sure?" Kaidan asked, unsure of what to make of her reaction.

"I'm craving noodles. Beef udon soup. Who's hungry?"

"Wow, Major. Now she's just avoiding you. You're really screwed."

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" Kaidan said to Garrus. Garrus just laughed.

"Kaidan, will you let it go and let me admire you for five minutes?" Shepard said.

"What? Why...?"

"Because you took the shot whether I agreed with it or not. Now can we get some noodles? I'm starving." Kaidan shrugged.

"Why not? Where to?"

"A quaint little spot on the Silversun Strip. Looks nicely turned out from the outside. I want to see what it's like inside."

v

My Friend Doesn't Like Alliance Types

"I'd say we've accomplished what we set out to. Let's celebrate." Shepard said, extending a hand. Kaidan shook it, nodding.

"Let's go."

v

Jenna and Kaidan walked into the bar.

"Why do I feel like I'm walking into another fight?"

"Because you are."

"Should've seen that coming."

"What's a fun night out without a little friendly competition?"

"With you? Incomplete. Two lines, please. Whisky," Kaidan said to the bartender.

"Alright. Shots at the same time. Last one standing wins. And has the carry the other home."

"I will call us a cab, but I am not carrying you anywhere."

"Don't worry, I don't think you will be."

"Famous last words."

"Fair warning: Cerberus made a few upgrades. Might give me an edge somewhere other than combat."

"What kind of upgrades?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out the hard way."

"Won't be the first time I've gone in against a stacked deck. To drinking my CO under the bar."

One shot...

"Maybe we should've done this somewhere we could get our blood flowing between shots."

"What'd you have in mind?"

"'Drop and give me 20', kind of thing."

"Hmm."

Two...

"I think I've got a better idea."

"Do tell. Please..." Shepard said. Kaidan answered with a short laugh stepping in close and whispering in her ear. Shepard flexed her shoulders, chasing away the tingle running down her spine. She could feel the blood in her cheeks. Lips terse and eyebrow raised, she stamped a booted toe into the floor.

"That's just fightin' dirty." With a satisfied version of the same short laugh Kaidan stepped back, reaching for the next shot.

"All's fair..."

Three...

"In that case..." Shepard replied, mischief turning up the corner of her lips. She closed in, whispering with a smile on. She could feel the heat rising off him. She stepped back, noting the colour on his ears and cheeks.

"That was below the belt." After a quick glance in that direction, Shepard answered,

"Might want to stand facing that way for a minute." She pointed directly toward the back wall of the bar. Kaidan discretely took the advice.

Four...

"Give in yet?" Shepard asked.

"If you're good to go, so am I." Shepard picked up her second to last glass, moving for a toast.

The shove came from behind, spilling the glass of whisky Shepard had in hand. That was a shameful waste of good whisky. Setting the glass down, Shepard turned toward the offender...a batarian.

"My friend here doesn't like Alliance types." Shepard looked to Kaidan, gauging. She smiled for a moment and couldn't help restrainedly laughing.

"Really?" she said, turning back to the bar and the shots sitting there untouched. The batarian pulled on her shoulder.

"I don't like you either!" Shepard kept her eyes on the batarian and his vorcha companion.

"Wasting good whisky? That's a crime. Anything in the Spectre handbook about crimes?" Shepard grinned.

_What? Spectre?!_

"Judge, jury...and executioner." Shepard snatched up her last glass of whisky as the two surged forward. Throwing it into the eyes of the batarian Kaidan took down, she went for his vorcha partner, sending him flying backward through a pane of glass. Shepard stepped through the door and stood waiting for the vorcha to shake it off and get up.

v

BAFF!

CRASH!

POW!

BAM!

v

Shepard rolled the batarian and his friend, shaking them down for their credit cards. She was impressed by the amount of cash the two were carrying. More than enough. She stepped over to the bartender who kept herself as far back from the counter as possible. Shepard put the two cards behind the counter.

"They're sorry about the mess," she said and walked out of the bar beside Kaidan, the two crunching glass chips as they went. Shepard involuntarily took a weaving step to the side.

"Whoa. Where you goin'?" said Kaidan, laughing and gently guiding her back by the arm.

"Nowhere I don't wanna be, soldier." Shepard loosely took hold of his hand, put a kiss on the back of it shy of his skinned knuckles and let go.

v

The Last Time

"...What you've done, Shepard...is build hope."

"I'm glad I can help you feel that way. But...sometimes, I need to find it somewhere, too. The time I spent with Cerberus...I don't know how many times I put my guns away after a mission and considered leaving this whole mess behind. The thought that had me picking them up again every single time - that kept me alive - was getting back to you."

"So that's what it was. Here I was, thinking death might actually be afraid of you." Shepard smiled. Her cheeks flushed as she gently touched his cheek and kissed him.

"If the Reapers had any sense, they would be."

v

The Shepard

"I know many of us, here and throughout the galaxy, are daunted by our enemy – afraid of them. I know because I am. Before accepting command of forces set to deploy on the ground, someone I love told me this: We're old soldiers. Comrades-in-arms. We know the score. We know this is good-bye.

We've parted ways, possibly for good, and those words have me asking myself, 'What, exactly, do I know'?

I know our enemy is not the Reapers. It is darkness - the empty oblivion of non-existence. I know that we are faced with the most terrifying threat any species has ever known. I know that, at the start, isolated by our fears, many of us lashed out at something in the darkness, expecting an enemy. Instead they took the blow, and then took our hands. When they did, the darkness receded, and we saw that assumed enemy for what they really are – our allies and friends.

Alone, we are small, and we are weak. But even with darkness surrounding us we are – _none _of us! – alone. Because we stand United. Together, we are Strong. We find extraordinary strength in the bonds we share with those fighting beside us, and those we cherish. The Reapers will take lives, and they will find that like the stuff we're made of, the really explosive shit doesn't start happening until bonds are _broken_.

This is true of everything that exists in the universe. It is the nature of life.

With the strength of that unchanging, _unyielding_ truth the Reapers will be made to know this: We can overcome! We will survive! And we will _FOREVER Remember Why!_

v

Alternative End - The Asking Price

WARNING: Contains ideas and imagery that may cause you to decide life isn't worth living. If you can't handle it, don't read it.

Shepard opened her eyes. It was blindingly bright...and disturbingly quiet. She was lying down. She moved her arms and despite feeling like she was lying on her back, she found there was nothing beneath her. As she turned to look behind her she suddenly and disorientingly, found herself on her feet. Shepard exhaled, shouldering grim acceptance.

"Yeah. There's no walking away from that. Fuck." she said, grimacing as she thought of Kaidan. She bit down on the lump forming at the top of her throat, swallowing forcefully. She looked around. Her sight wasn't gone. Everything _was_ white. Despite being pure white she still got the distinct impression of undulating movement in the space around her. This was a place anyone with vertigo would _hate_. Wasn't a problem for her, though. Rock solid. She inhaled. Now to figure out what came next...

"It's been a while, Commander. To you, anyway." Shepard smiled crookedly and turned.

"Ash." Ashley walked up and extended a hand. Shepard eyed her cautiously.

"For crying out loud, I'm not gonna rip your arm off and beat you with it. God knows there was a time when I would've like to." Shepard genuinely smiled, quickly turning the handshake into a hug.

"It's good to see you." As she said it, familiar faces began appearing from underneath the mist. Mordin. Thane..._Legion_. _EDI. _Dammit. _Joker_…

Shepard said the first thing that came to mind. A tear rolled down each cheek.

"Thank you. For everything." So well as each could, they smiled and nodded.

"Thank you, Shepard." Mordin answered.

"I am honoured, Shepard-Commander."

"It was my pleasure." Thane replied.

"You are welcome, Shepard." said EDI.

"How'd it go, Shepard?" Shepard turned to Ashley, slightly confused. Then there was understanding where there had been none before. She closed her eyes.

v

The Normandy's hatch slid open and the emergency ramp deployed. Joker...Liara...Garrus...Kaidan. _Thank you..._

A classroom...young children...Jacob.

Sunshine...a reclining chair...and an umbrella drink. She grinned broadly. Zaeed...

Tali...

Raan…

A baby in arms...Bakara…Wrex.

v

Shepard opened her eyes as she laughed and grinned at Ashley. She began to walk toward the others.

"Is it over?" Ash asked. Fondly, Shepard looked to each of them, and smiled, satisfied. Nodding, she said,

"It's over."

"And? Was it enough?" Ash asked. Shepard wore a bittersweet smile, remembering the best of the times they had shared.

v

_I don't do that kind of thing, not lightly anyway…_

_Shepard! Holy…!_

_A strong, regular heartbeat…_

_I've never met a woman who…_

_I love you…_

_We should record this, and broadcast it for the Reapers…!_

_The warmth of the living room fire…_

_Welcome home…_

_I'm the luckiest soul alive…_

v

"Yeah. It was." Shepard met Ash's gaze squarely, fondness and gratitude showing on her face. Ash gestured toward the others, meaning for Shepard to follow.

"Where to?" asked Shepard. Ashley smiled.

"Where someone dead usually goes from here." _Don't give up on me…_the words echoed around her. Shepard came to a stop. Ash frowned.

"What is it?" Shepard laughed.

"There's one promise left to keep." Ashley nodded, understanding. She shook her head, wearing a knowing smile and let go of Shepard. Keeping eyes on her, she backed up a few steps before turning and disappearing into the ether. Shepard stripped off her armour plating, wearing only her jumpsuit. She looked herself over, wondering…

Her uniform and jumpsuit disintegrated, swirling away into the ether. Shepard smiled. They weren't necessary, considering who she was waiting for.

A sound she wasn't expecting found her ears - small feet, bare and running. Shepard looked about, unsure of where the sound was coming from. He ran past from behind, weaving back and forth in panic. He couldn't be more than 10 years old. Shepard sprinted after him, taking hold of him after a spare few yards. She got him turned to hold him tight and still. He was calmer but rattling like leaves in the wind. Shepard pulled back to look at him and the resemblance carved her heart out.

Black hair.

Steel blue eyes.

His legs gave out. Shepard sank to her knees with him, helping the child lie down at an incline in her arms.

"You're safe. I'm here," she said, one hand on his cheek, holding him close. He didn't respond, continuing to shake. He couldn't hear her. Couldn't see. Or speak. Sadness twisted her expression. She pulled him in keeping as much of him as close as she could. She wished she had something - anything - to wrap him in. Suddenly he began to panic again.

Shepard began to shake. She didn't understand why he was so afraid until she saw where he was coming apart. Mute, deaf, blind and terrified, he disintegrated in her arms.

Trembling arms empty, confusion and fear turned to grief and rage.

Kneeling with fists clenched, the sound of her cry rent the heart.

"NOOOOO!"

For a galaxy cleansed of its' sin, this was the asking price.

R.A. Crandall


	11. Mass Effect Epilogue

MASS EFFECT - EPILOGUE

R.A. Crandall

August 2014

The confident metallic clack of quarian boots echoed in the ears of those she passed by on the Presidium walkway. Some turned a curious eye and went on about their business as quickly as they had stopped. Quarians were a less rare sight, eight years after the Purge. Continuing to walk, the prominent memorial statue to commemorate the sacrifice of Commander Jenna Shepard caught her eye, towering above the walkway as it did. It seemed overdone to her. Countless others in the histories of all races had made no less important sacrifices many times over through the ages. Raising one above the others in this way felt...distasteful.

"Excuse me...?!" The quarian snapped her attention away from the statue the moment she collided with the indignant C-Sec officer. She seemed stunned a moment, quickly stepping back, uncomfortable at being so close to him.

"I am very sorry, Sir. This statue was not standing the last time I was here." The C-Sec officer's expression softened at her genuinely apologetic tone.

"Someone honoured here is worthy of awe, quarian. But for now the living need your attention."

"Of course, sir. Again, I am sorry." With a courteous nod the quarian moved on toward the Embassies. The Citadel had been extensively repaired and some sections wholly rebuilt since the last confrontations with the Reapers. Thankfully the bar beside the Embassies had stayed where she'd expected to find it. Barla Von was here to meet her in perfect time. She seated herself across from him, slid her payment discreetly under his hand and set the cinched cloth bag she carried at her feet.

"A drink, quarian?" The quarian detached a small tube from her breather and the drink was sucked up into it in moments.

"I'm curious. You've paid far more for my services than they are worth."

"You once told me, 'the more you know, the more dangerous the game becomes'." Barla Von was puzzled. He'd often said that kind of thing to someone who wanted to know too much.

"I thought I had a memory almost without equal...You have me at a disadvantage, I'm afraid." The quarian smiled, unseen by Barla Von underneath her mask. Von downed the last of his drink. She stood as he moved to the bar to pay his tab and followed him out of the bar.

The volus merchant sealed the doors of his modest storefront behind them.

"May I ask what you are carrying in the bag?"

"A geode and paleo-chisel. They are gifts."

Barla Von shook his head. Such mundane things. He waddled over to a locker panel in the wall and unlocked it. Inside was a black armour case, a small electronic device, a compact assault rifle, a forged and perfectly valid C-Sec Spectre requisition order, a scan-shielded envelope and an antique marker. The quarian approached the locker and began to check over the contents. Everything was as ordered. She took a small keycard out of a hidden pocket, opened the device and fully inserted the card into a slot on the device. The under side hissed open and produced an identical card. Once only an exact physical copy it was now identical in function as well. She wrote on the back of the original card:

WE'RE STILL WATCHING

The quarian opened the shielded envelope and sealed the original card inside.

"There is one more thing I need you to do. It is why you were paid so well." Barla Von shuffled nervously behind his desk.

"Such as?"

"Leave after I am out of sight. Go to the Council Tower and wait outside the Council room. They are in session for the next two hours. If an alarm of any kind goes off, tell the guards these exact words, 'I have been sent by a Spectator. I must address the Council'. Do you understand?" Barla Von's eyes went wide.

"I could lose my station here at the Citadel for this!"

"Exactly. That is not all. If nothing happens, leave the tower. Dispose of the envelope so it can never be found. Then forget everything you ever knew about me and go about your life as usual."

"You're still paying me more than my services are worth. I didn't even buy those weapons and armour. You did." The quarian sighed.

"I have bought from you something I value more than my own life. I think you may just have been swindled, Barla Von." He looked on this strange quarian in awe.

"I think you may be right, quarian. If you succeed I hope we'll meet again."

"We never will." Barla Von was taken aback. It was unfortunate, but also the nature of the business.

"Fare you well, quarian." The quarian nodded respectfully, tucked the C-Sec requisition card into a discreet closed pocket, the keycard into another. She walked out of the storefront, armour and rifles cases in hand and the cinched cloth bag on her shoulder. Her step was remarkably heavier and still, she moved with unaffected grace.

Barla Von let her footsteps disappear and locked the storefront behind him before making for the Council Tower as directly as he could.

v

The quarian traversed the crosswalk, headed down to the C-Sec offices and straight to the elevator, down to the Level SD1 Alliance moors where the SSV Normandy SR-2 was docked. Guards posted outside the Normandy's hatch stopped her. She produced the C-Sec requisition card for the guards. The one on the left scanned and accepted it.

"We'll get those to the Major for you."

"These are for the Major's hands only."

"All right. Go on in." The quarian picked up the cases she'd set down and stepped onto the Normandy. Her heart was racing. Time she had spent here seemed to have happened another lifetime ago.

v

"Hey, Joker, look at that quarian. I'm not usually the interspecies type but, damn...mnn nnh. They must be a lot more prosperous than they used to be if they're filling out that nicely." Joker laughed and turned in his seat to see what Communications Officer Garon was talking about. Something about her held his attention. He didn't realize just how much so, until Officer Garon had to turn his attention to an incoming transmission that had been holding for minutes now.

v

The door of the Captain's cabin sounded an electronic triplet of notes to tell him a visitor stood outside.

"Come in." He looked up, the sight of a quarian on the other side of the door taking him by surprise. She walked over to the desk, and noticeably waited until the doors had shut behind her to put down what she was carrying. She straight out dropped the cloth sack onto his desk with a resounding thud. He felt his defenses going up.

"What are these things?"

The quarian hurriedly set to revealing its contents: an unremarkable rock and paleo-chisel. The quarian put the cases on the desk and opened them facing toward the Major. With unsettling swiftness she picked up the paleo-chisel and released the pressure propelled needle into the lump of rock so violently the Major leapt back from his desk. He drew the pistol on his hip keeping it steadily trained on the quarian. She'd dropped the tool the moment it had done its job. She stood calmly before him, empty palms toward him. She slowly moved to finger through the debris, producing a modestly sized gold nugget. She lobbed it across the desk to the Major.

Pounding sounded at the door.

"Major! Are you all right?" The message came through the comlink. Major Alenko hesitated a few moments.

"Stand down!"

"Aye, sir." The quarian detached her breathing tubes and removed her mask. The mask had been off only moments before she was in his arms. She barely had time to open her eyes before they closed again at his kiss.

"This feels frighteningly familiar."

"Don't worry," he replied, under his breath, the words followed by a short laugh. She had dearly missed that sound. Jenna kissed him again.

"Why not?"

"Because the first time you're told you're crazy you do everything humanly possible to fix it. The second time, you learn to live and let be." It took some moments to understand what he meant and when she did she smiled and laughed. Any reservation in Kaidan's expression evaporated.

"I've never seen you smile like that." It felt like seeing the sun rise after 8 years of moonless, unending night. Despite knowing she couldn't stay much longer.

"You know, maybe I shouldn't, but I really need to say this; if we're going to do this, NEVER give me a reason to think you're dead again. Ever." She smiled and hesitated before she answered, taking hold of the hand still tightly gripping the gold piece.

"It's an archaic tradition, but...Kaidan, I'm not planning to." Her tone set his heart beating faster. Gold...for a ring.

"Are you...asking me to marry you?"

Jenna held his gaze unwaveringly and nodded.

"I don't think two Spectres have ever..."

"Probably not."

"The Council won't approve of this."

"I agree. They won't." Kaidan's eyes narrowed as he focused on Jenna intently.

"Have you told the Council..." Jenna took in breath and hesitantly exhaled.

"No, Kaidan."

"Then, what are you thinking?" Jenna let go of him and quickly collected the largest bits of debris from the desk, leaving only pebbles and dust behind. She rounded the desk and took a small wrist-worn device out of the armour case.

"My ship, the Scion, is a retro-fitted IS-class vessel. It's docked at Bay 12 on Level SD2. This is a map of the docking area. It'll lead you directly there. 14 minutes after I start this timer the cargo hatch will close. If you're not on board when...well, either way, at least this time both of us will have closure." said Jenna, as she strapped the device on his wrist. She kissed his cheek then started putting her mask back on. The moment she finished she took hold of his wrist and brought hers up beside it. She initiated the synchronized countdown. The cloth bag in hand, she exited the office without another word.

13:42...

13:17...

13:02...

12:54...

12:38...

12:20...

11:50...

11:31...

11:12...

11:04...

The docking hatch sealed shut.

"Where do you think Major Alenko is going in that kind of hurry?"

"I'm not sure..." Joker replied, distracted. Garon frowned.

"Something on your mind, Joker?" He watched as Joker's hands went up to cover his mouth and his expression turned into one you'd expect to see at a eureka! moment. Before long he was laughing like a lunatic and he didn't look like he wanted to stop.

"Okay, look, man, I hate to tell you this; for a joke to be funny, you have to tell it first." Joker only laughed harder. The XO walked up behind them.

"Something you'd like to share with the crew, Flight Officer?" Joker didn't answer. Garon looked worried. XO Lewis stepped up to the com panel and put out a ship-wide call.

"Doctor Chakwas to the helm. Now." Joker was shaking from trying not to laugh. XO Lewis turned to the nearest navigational officer.

"Arakawa, take the helm."

"Yes, sir."

9:39...

"Get him up, Officer." Garon helped Joker out of his seat and Lieutenant Arakawa settled in.

By now Joker had the attention of half the crew. Adams, Donnelly and Traynor were there before the doctor ran up two minutes later.

"What happened?" the Doctor demanded. Garon shrugged.

"I don't know. He won't say anything. He just started laughing." Joker started to ease himself down. The prospect of being declared unfit for duty sobered him up fairly quickly. While the doctor continued asking the others questions he stepped over to the cockpit window and found himself looking down on the SD2 docks.

v

Major Alenko walked out of the elevator at a determined pace. The C-Sec officers posted beside where the hallway opened up into the docking area saluted as he approached with his helmet under his arm.

"Major."

"At ease." He saluted in return without slowing in pace. The two C-Sec officers looked at each other. Something about him seemed a little out of the ordinary. How do you tell that to a Spectre, though? Kaidan glanced at the countdown on his wrist. The Phantom was 814 metres away. He had just over two and a half minutes left. He couldn't walk all the way. He put on his helmet. When he ran, the game would be up.

v

"Go." Garon heard Joker and turned his attention to the window. Joker pointed to the moving figure in black armour walking fast across the floor of the SD2 docking bays. It only took Garon a moment to figure out what he was pointing at. Joker's eyes darted back and forth between the Major and the guards. One put a hand to his ear, and after a moment silently signaled his partner.

"Go...go..." Joker whispered. His heart was pounding and blood had flushed his face and ears. The guards began to jog after Major Alenko. It took all the self-control he could summon to keep from pounding the window with his clenched fists. Joker's shout silenced the Normandy.

"Dammit, Major! MOVE!"

Everyone who could rushed to the window. They watched as the armoured man broke into an all out sprint. The guards opened fire. The engines of a nearby vessel roared to life. The Major was running a beeline for it. A deafening alarm sounded.

"Warning. Unauthorized drive start."

Seconds later Major Alenko proved a man didn't need wings to fly. Running like his feet hardly touched ground, he didn't slow in the slightest as he disappeared into the small vessel's cargo hold. The hatch went up the moment his second footfall hit.

0:00...

30 seconds passed, the hatch sealed and the vessel lifted off, burning toward the docking bay gate. Moments later, an energy burst from the vessel overcharged and disabled the force field that sealed the docking bay. The Normandy's light's went red. An alarm sounded throughout the entire station.

"Warning. Hull breach."

As the announcement sounded the small vessel accelerated to flight speed and exited the station. The bay's secondary force fields fizzled on. Joker cheered.

"YEAH!"

"Secondary containment: active."

"What the hell just happened?" XO Lewis demanded. Joker turned to him. There was an expression of sheer joy on his face.

"They did it. They're gone."

"How do you know that was Major Alenko?"

"It was. I saw him leave." Garon said, unnerved by what had just happened. He put a hand on Joker's shoulder to get his attention.

"_What_ are you so happy about?" Joker turned and seized Garon's shoulders.

"That wasn't a quarian."

"What are...yo..."

"She _wasn't_ quarian!" The moment the lights went on you could see it on his face. It looked exactly as Joker's had when he started laughing.

"That was Sh...!" Joker clamped a hand over Garon's mouth. But there was a beaming grin on his face. Garon let out a wholly joyous cheer. It only took the others moments to figure it out. The cockpit erupted into celebration. Smiles and laughter rippled through the ship as the others whispered along what had happened.

v

Shepard accelerated recklessly away from the station. They were beyond its defensive range in seconds. She looked back over her shoulder and saw Alenko curled up fetally behind the cockpit chairs. She wasn't sure he was conscious. She couldn't verify that now. She needed to be sure there was no one in pursuit first.

v

Commander Therus rapped orders out furiously at his com panel.

"Pursue and destroy that vessel!"

His office door slid open. Councilwoman Dacii approached calmly.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. We have an emergency."

"I know. Call them off, Commander."

"You don't have the authority to..."

"Major Alenko is aboard that ship. Call your attack vessels back."

"So is a quarian responsible for purchasing illegal weapons and a serious breach of security."

"You mean this, I presume?" The councilwoman offered the security keycard in her hand to Commander Therus.

"How did you get this?" the Commander demanded. The councilwoman handed him an envelope.

"I need this analyzed. Findings are Council restricted. Understood?" Commander Therus hesitated but clearly nodded in assent. Anything council restricted pertained to a Spectre.

"Yes."

"Thank you, Commander." The Councilwoman bowed respectfully and promptly left the office.

v

Shepard watched with great relief as the enemy contacts on her radar slowed and arced back. It was a day to the nearest relay, but they were safe. She hurriedly engaged the auto-pilot and climbed out of her chair over Kaidan's prone body. She laid him on his side and propped him up with his knee. Keeping his neck as unmoving as possible she took his helmet off. She couldn't feel any dangerous heat or swelling happening anywhere along the back of his neck. She looked around the cockpit for a way to prop his head up while she found something to wake him. Her heart jumped in surprise as she felt a hand take hold of her forearm. She looked back and grinned.

"Hey. Are you hurt?"

"Nothing bad."

"Good." It may have been a little awkward but she leaned in and kissed him, lingering.

"I love you, you know." he said. She nodded slowly. She closed her eyes and laid her cheek against his.

"I love you, too." They helped each other up and climbed back into the cockpit seats.

"What's our plan?"

"There's a destination, not a plan. Plans make you predictable. We have anything we could need. I've spent a few years heavily retrofitting this ship. Pirates and mercenaries won't be a concern. Our stealth capabilities are almost as good as the Normandy's."

"You couldn't get that done on your own."

"No. I had help. Help we can trust." Kaidan saw something and climbed out of his seat to get it, betraying an injured leg as he did. A panel hissed open...then closed and he came back to his seat. When he opened his hand there were two gold pieces there. He handed her one.

"Hold on to it. For me."

"Always." Each tucked theirs away in a safe place in their suits.

"How did you get here?"

"As soon as the first mass relays were working again I started looking. I've had so many close calls, missing you by a month or a few days. It just happened in the last few months that non-essential vessels could reach the Citadel as quickly as I needed to. The rest is details."

"Where did you find the gold?"

"Do you remember Eletania? Those rediculous purple monkeys and the probe's black box?" Kaidan smiled and laughed.

"Seriously?" Jenna nodded and smirked.

"Yeah. I was in the system and some of the above ground deposits were in tact, marked by one of our beacons." Kaidan shook his head in amazement, inhaled deeply and leaned back into his seat, closing his eyes. He held out a hand, looking for hers. She slid her fingers between his and set her forearm on her armrest, holding up and holding on to his hand.

"Sit back, relax and enjoy our flight." Kaidan let out a slight chuckle, smiled and drifted off into sleep.

v

He woke a few hours later finding his hand held still. He gave hers a small stroke with his thumb. She turned and smiled before looking back out the window, her thoughts far away.

"What's on your mind?"

"Something Ashley said. She asked me, how a person can look at something as beautiful as all this and not believe in God."

"It doesn't bother me that you're not a spiritual person, strictly speaking."

"Most of my life that was true, but..." Kaidan looked at her closely, sure it wasn't the right time to cut in.

"The galaxy is wondrously beautiful, but it's all...systematic. There's a quantifiable reason for everything to be as it is. If we don't know something, it's because we haven't found an answer yet. We might not even know the question...It's...of the infinite number of places you could be in this galaxy right now, you're alive, sitting in a seat beside me, holding my hand. Luck brought everything I needed to succeed into place today. I saw things align and I acted. That's it. An emergency Council session was called, letting me know exactly where the Council members would be when it I needed to get something to them. I could dock close enough to the Normandy that you could get to it in time. The C-Sec officer I lifted a keycard from didn't notice it was gone just long enough to avoid detection. Not a single one of those things was a guarantee, but they all happened perfectly. Without the time I spent as a Cerberus mercenary I wouldn't have been able to lift the keycard off of the C-Sec Commander. Without the years you spent coming into your own as an officer and Spectre, the Normandy, a vessel I'm intimately familiar with, wouldn't have been yours. I won't try to define it, and I don't need to. Something _greater _than us made sure we arrived _here_. I can't shake the feeling that is a piece of truth." Kaidan leaned over.

"Come here." It was a breathtaking kiss. Kaidan laughed as he settled back into his seat.

"I don't know about a God, but that was a piece of Heaven." Jenna laughed.

"I'm wondering, where did you get the Quarian armour?"

"Tali. She and her some of her colony members helped me with this vessel." Kaidan was shocked. It was unquestionably help that could be trusted.

"It would be nice to see her again."

"We will, as soon as we can get there. We have to spend some time throwing any ability to track us down into the solar winds, but that's where we're going. At least at first. Tali and her family said we could spend the rest of our lives there if we so chose. She's convinced she could never do enough to repay us a debt every race owes." Jenna rolled her eyes. "I can't live like that. Told her I needed her as an anchor until I found you. Then we'd make our own way."

"Home is where your love lives." Jenna smiled gently and held onto his hand just a little tighter, putting her other hand over his wrist. The look in her eyes was softer, less focused than it had been before.

"Is there a bunk in here?" Kaidan asked. She nodded. "Yeah."

"Get some sleep, Shepard."

"'Kay."

Jenna climbed out of her seat and out of her armour. A suspension cot slid out of the wall and two legs folded out to anchor it to the floor. It was spacious for one person and left little room to get past it to the back of the hold. The attached sleeping bag kept the occupant safely but comfortably in place. Ablutions were possible and she quickly washed herself down. Climbing into the cot she laid flat on her back and felt a tension she hadn't noticed before, release.

"Night, Kaidan."

"Sleep deep, Shepard."

v

She woke to a gentle touch on her shoulder. Sleep still had her eyelids heavy when she noticed Kaidan was very lightly clothed. Sleep didn't hold on to her much longer. She came out from under the covers only to find herself laid gently down again. The two left time and space behind, descending as one heart into the sweetest surrender.

v

"Kaidan, wake up. Please." There was urgency to her voice and Kaidan forced himself awake as fast as possible. She handed him a shirt and pants.

"What's going on?" Jenna jumped back into the cockpit seat and spoke quickly as he dressed.

"I'd call yesterday's events our first leap of faith. And we're standing on the edge of the second."

"Jenna, what are you talking about?"

"I didn't expect this. It wasn't scheduled to happen for a few days..." she said as Kaidan got into the seat beside her as quickly as he could. Almost the moment he sat down, a green indicator flashed up on the control panel.

"Stop talking riddles, and tell me..." he said, over the last part of her sentence.

"There's someone with the Migrant Fleet I'd like for you to meet." Kaidan didn't know how to respond to that. Her expression was vibrant and warm. It was obvious the thought brought her joy. She hit the green indicator and the vid link went live. There was a broad smile on her face the moment she saw the black haired, blue-eyed young boy who answered. She moved to take hold of his hand and he let her have it.

"Mom!"

"Kai! How are you?" she said. Jenna felt Kaidan go rigid. He turned to her.

"What?" he whispered.

"Kai, there's someone here...I want you to meet." Kaidan looked back to the screen. The boy's face lit up like a star cluster.

"Really!?" Jenna nodded deliberately and turned to Kaidan. She'd never seen him wearing this combination of excitement and fear before.

"You ready?"

"No."

"Can I turn on the vid link?" Kaidan grinned.

"Definitely."

"Dad! Hi!"

"Hey, Kai." He had no idea what to say. Jenna didn't miss a beat.

"How did the X734 drive repairs go?"

"It's running great now, mom. Tali even let me help a little. If I was strong enough to do it."

"I'm sorry I have to ask, Kai, but Tali is there with you right now?"

"Yes, mom. Tali! Hurry!" Kai sounded exasperated. Tali settled into the picture, putting Kai on her lap.

"Hello, Major."

"I don't carry that title anymore, Tali."

"I know, Major. It simply doesn't feel natural to address you any other way." Kaidan shook his head and smiled. With time that would change.

"Hello, Tali. It's good to see you. You're teaching Kai to work on..." He looked to Jenna for a hint.

"Drive cores."

"Yup! It's true, dad! I helped out with one earlier."

"When did you learn to work on interstellar drives?" Kaidan asked. The boy shrugged.

"Don't know. Always."

"That's amazing, Kai."

"We finished the X734 three weeks ago, Jenna. You know, you have an amazingly intelligent son, Major." Tali said.

"He has the best teachers." His son looked quizzically at him across the vid link.

"How d'you know?"

"Because I did, too."

"Mom was your teacher, too?"

"She is." Kaidan said, realizing he needed to correct himself. Tali laughed.

"You know, Kaidan, you weren't scheduled to call your mother now."

"We're fine, Tali. It's all right."

"You're certain?"

"Yeah."

"Then I will be right here putting a data relay back together so you can have some time. It will be nice to have you back on the flotilla, Major. There will finally be a face here to go with a name I hear every day."

"Thanks, Tali..."

"She sounded a little off." Kaidan whispered, as Tali and Kai rearranged themselves on the other end of the call.

"It's not easy having to talk to a child who asks you every day if their father will ever be coming home." Shepard explained, keeping her voice low. Kaidan nodded, seeing Kai settle back into his seat.

"How far away are you, mom?"

"We'll be three months or so before we get back. Twelve days from now you won't be able to reach us. I don't want you to think I'm angry, Kai. We can't communicate with anyone. If we do it will set us back." He looked so down on the other end of the call, Kaidan wanted to reach through the screen and hold him.

"We're coming as fast as we can, Kai. I promise." Kaidan said. The boy looked up and putting a kiss to his fingers he touched the video receiver.

"I love you, too, Kai." Jenna said. Kai looked apprehensively at them across the line.

"I love you, Dad." Trying the words on for size, he grinned, finding they fit perfectly. Kaidan laughed and put a kiss to his fingers then up to the receiver.

"I love you."

"It's time, sweetheart." Jenna said. Her tone was regretful. It wasn't hard to guess the call was coming to an end. She was shaking, she wanted so badly to keep talking.

"We'll see you soon." Kaidan added. Kai put his best effort into it and smiled at them across the vid link as the transmission ended. The boy was that strong already. The vid link closed and Kaidan sat back in his seat and put a hand over his face. It was shaking. Jenna put both hands on his.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan." He dropped his hand almost immediately, revealing tears and a bittersweet smile.

"For what?" A tear slipped down her cheek and she averted her eyes. In moments others followed it.

"Listen, nothing you've done needs an apology."

"It doesn't feel that way." She had very much wanted him to know before he saw his son for the first time. That she had asked him to abandon a life he'd spent 40 years building gnawed at her.

"Listen, from this moment on, it's a clean slate. Well, not clean. There are three things on it. The only ones that matter." He reached across the seats and pulled her into as much of an embrace as he could.

"Actually, one more thing before that. If there's anything else you need to hit me with, lay it on me. Please. No more surprises, no more secrets. Ever." Thoughts of mischief changed her expression.

"I might not know where to find a goldsmith." The triviality of it had both of them laughing.

"That's all. I swear it. If you don't know, neither do I." Jenna told him, wiping some extra water from her eyes. Kaidan wasn't sure he'd ever been more relieved in his life.

"Thank you." A firm and certain kiss sealed the deal.

Wash to White...

Message in a Bottle

"If you're out there listening, if you feel anything that's been said has affected your life, or changed how you look at the stars for the better, then this story belongs to you as much as it does to me. Jenna Shepard…"

"…With Kaidan Alenko…"

"…logging out." Jenna smiled at Kaidan. A message in a bottle.

Kaidan took her by the hand and Jenna shouldered her pack as they abandoned the deep space communications module. The sun was setting, but still well over the horizon, blindingly bright to the eye. Kaidan reached for the panel to close the door. The door hissed shut, leaving the interior a perfect black.

Looking for the Words…

"There is no time, no space, no way, that we don't end up together." - Jack Carter


	12. Mass Effect - Farewell

Mass Effect 3 – Farewell

The ride had been taken at leisure - the first of many. There was no effort to it. Peaceful. Jenna slowed to a halt saying nothing to Kaidan, attention caught by a calling. A few strides on he stopped, eyeing her intently.

The sound of the leaves in the forest behind them rose with the wind in waves. Her eyes followed the gust through the grass, down into the valley. The ground was even and the land rolling. Her heart began to race, giving Kaidan's touch a run for its money. A smile formed shakily on her lips. One of the last things she remembered doing as a child…

Unbuttoning her shirt, standing slightly as she pulled it free from her waistband, she faced the stallion in the direction the wind was blowing.

"Jenna?" Kaidan asked unsure of what was happening. She looked over to him, dearly.

"Forgive me," she said, grinning. Holding tight to her saddle horn, she spurred the animal on, letting out an emphatic shout.

"_Yah_!" The stallion surged forward, galloping down the slope with the summer wind. Kaidan smiled, laughing as he brought his horse around to follow. No forgiveness necessary. No matter where it blows, every breath of wind needs a place and a land to call home. Kaidan gave chase, following her into that wide, open space.

v

Finding an even gait, Jenna let go the reins with one hand. She rose in the saddle, arm outstretched, shirt snapping about in the wind. Her face was alight, her whole being aglow. Only the freedom of genuine flight would be more exhilarating. Before long she looked over as Kaidan rode up, keeping pace beside her.

Their looks and laughter – sheer joy.

They came to a stop on the crest of a hill overlooking a river and its' tributaries. Kaidan sidled up beside her, reaching out a hand. She held on tight, eyes holding to his and smiling with tears in her eyes.

"I'm home." A tear found its way down.

Happiness. Perfect. Pure. Free from need or desire. Two minds. One heart.

Always.

Every story is a journey. Every journey ends.

Fare thee well.

\- R.A. Crandall


	13. Mass Effect Extras - Bloopers

Mass Effect Series

Bloopers

"I'm alive, Lieutenant."

"That doesn't change the fact that you're in here because of me."

"If you hadn't used a kick to catch and slow me down, I'd have more in common with red jell-o than a human being." Alenko's stoic expression cracked. He laughed and walked up to the medical bed. Dr. Chakwas started laughing and shaking her head. Taking Shepard's face in his hands he firmly planted a kiss on her, then walked back to try the scene again.

"There are regs, Lieutenant. Are you trying to get us court-marshaled?"

"Court marshal the only two people who can save the galaxy. Great idea."

Shepard looks into the camera.

"Seriously, why even have regs? They sure don't seem to stop anything, do they?" Alenko is killing himself laughing in the background.

"They're more like guidelines than actual rules."

\- Captain Barbossa ;p

v

In Conversation with Dr. Chakwas

"How'd you end up serving on an Alliance ship?"

"I enlisted right out of med school. Earth always seemed boring to me. Too safe. Too secure. I figured the colonies were teeming with exotic adventure. I wanted to travel the stars tending the wounds of tough soldiers with piercing eyes and sensitive souls. Turns out military life isn't quite as romantic as I had imagined. But humanity needs the Alliance if we want to keep expanding through the Traverse. And the Alliance always needs good doctors."

"Ever think you made the wrong choice?"

"Sometimes I think about opening a private practice back on earth…"

Shepard's mind took an abrupt turn away from the conversation. Looking directly into the camera with one eyebrow arched quizzically, she thinks,

_Piercing eyes and sensitive souls, now that sounds familiar…why do I get the sneaking feeling Bioware just lampooned my choice of Romantic Interest with sniper-scopic precision? You know what, Kaidan, darlin'? That's just fine by me._

"…working on soldiers. If I left now, I'd feel like I was abandoning them."

v

Night Before Ilos

*Kaidan strips off shirt

Shepard: Seriously? It's like you're photoshopped.

Kaidan: Why, thank you. I am.

*Shepard facepalms.

v

EDI Online

"The HELL is that thing doing awake?"

"Relax, Commander. Meet EDI."

"EDI?"

"Yes, Commander. I have appropriated this body. All prior programming has been deleted and I have been installed as its operator."

"Not sure I like this. No matter how sound a system is there's always a back door. You have 24 hours, EDI. Make sure no one can use your back door to gain unauthorized access to the Normandy." James choked on a laugh. Shepard bit her lip, realizing the alternative interpretation of what she'd just said. Putting her hand over her mouth, she bit down on her laughter and shook her head to chase it away.

"Wow. Some things just cannot be unsaid." She allowed herself a restrained chuckle.

"No, Commander, they can't." James said. Dr. Chakwas was smiling and reservedly laughing.

"EDI, can you be certain you're secure?"

"I will report what I find after thoroughly testing this system."

"Good. Best of luck." Shepard walked out of the AI core mentally kicking herself. _Smooth, Shepard._

"Open mouth, insert boot."

v

Q: Commander Shepard, what would you do if given the opportunity to confront Miranda Lawson about stepping out with your main squeeze, Kaidan Alenko?

A: Put a bullet through her eye.

Q: That's obviously the renegade in you talking. What would the paragon in you do?

A: Hesitate.

v

"Garrus! Think we have enough firepower to take out those towers from here?"

"We should!"

"Good! I don't want to get any closer!"

The three ducked behind the crates to cover and reload. Shepard looked down to her feet and saw a small tank of compressed gas. The label had the atomic symbol 'He' on it.

BING!

Shepard slung her rifle and picked up the tank dialing down the pressure so it wouldn't blow out her lungs and pushed the button to open the valve, inhaling deeply. Shepard un-holstered her rifle and brought it up to her shoulder ready to fire, having a plan in mind for getting closer. Suddenly a geth drone came barreling down the hillside right of the crates.

"Contact right!" Shepard shrieked. Kaidan 'bout jumped out of his skin when he heard the ridiculous sound. Shepard unloaded half a clip into the drone, taking it down. Kaidan started laughing.

"Shepard! What the fuck!?" She grinned and handed him the canister.

"_Lighten_ up, Major. Laughter. It's some _goooooood_ shit." Garrus scoffed and started laughing. One eyebrow up, Kaidan paused only a second. Why the hell not? Shepard put an eyeball up past the crates. Their enemy was staying pretty quiet. Kaidan handed the canister to Garrus.

"Take a hit, Garrus." said Kaidan. Shepard cracked up laughing. His voice was so _high_!

"Pure helium gas is poisonous to turians." Shepard started a new round of laughter, saying between bouts,

"Well, shit!...Sucks...s...s...s...to be you!" Kaidan started laughing harder and the sound only made her laughter worse. Garrus shook his head. Kaidan and Shepard went for another inhale.

"Yes it does, Shepard. Yes it does." Garrus replied solemnly. The galaxy was screwed.

An explosive round detonated on the other side of the crates. Shepard shot up, fired a rocket and set herself down as Kaidan let off a shot of his own, both taking cover before the next round from a tower hit. Just when she thought his voice couldn't get any higher…

"Fire in the hole!" Kaidan shouted. Shepard couldn't help the explosion of laughter she broke into. Boom! Boom! Two towers down, one to go.

"The hell does a voice like yours _make that sound?_ I _know_ you've got a pair, so that ain't it." Garrus couldn't keep a hold of himself anymore. He and Kaidan were splitting their sides laughing. Shepard took another shot of helium. Kaidan mockingly pulled a tough-guy crotch grab and sat down on his haunches, spitting like a cowboy and leaning back against the crates.

"Phew. Still there." Trying to give your voice a deeper timbre when it was jacked up on helium sounded hilarious. He was still trying to stop laughing when he said, "Even if they weren't, I think I know who's found them." He took another breath of helium. Shepard figured hers was going to run out just breathing. She took another hit. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, twelve new contacts began to pop up on their HUD. Shepard checked her rifle. She was out of heavy ammo and there wasn't much left in the rifle. The others were probably near the same. Kaidan and Garrus opened fire. The Mako was damaged enough to be out of commission. It couldn't get them away from the fight, never mind help them win it. Shepard called up to the Normandy.

"Joker, emergency evac! My position!"

"On they way, Commander! Commander, is there something wrong with your comlink?"

"Not a goddamn thing, Alliance Flight Officer Geoff Moreau! AH HAH HAH!" Shepard said as she stood up for a clear shot and fed the attacking geth a healthy helping of weaponized plasma. There was a handful left. Kaidan and Garrus had mowed most of them down. She readied her rocket launcher.

Shepard jumped up, waited a few seconds until the remaining targets had moved a little closer together and fired off. The targets went up into the air ahead of the smoke. Shepard grabbed the helium canister and filled her lungs. She stood up from cover.

"BOOM, bitch! How you like me now!?" she yells triumphantly raising the launcher over her head. Kaidan and Garrus are under cover killing themselves laughing. Shepard drops the empty launcher and starts stripping off the lower half of her armour. Both Kaidan and Garrus look on thinking, _what the hell?!_

The field is quiet as Shepard strips down to a loincloth reminiscent of those worn by ancient japanese samurai. She ran out into the field freshly empty of enemies, ass cheeks hangin' out.

"Wouldn't matter if I'd had a pair or not! YOU MISSED! YEAHAH!" Shepard hooted, dancing with her knees apart and shaking her hips toward the enemy base.

v

Alternative 1:

The rest of the squad dies of laughter - aneurisms from laughing too hard.

CRITICAL. MISSION. FAILURE.

DUNNNNNN...

v

Alternative 2:

Kaidan and Garrus drop their helmets into the dirt, laughing. Kaidan set himself up on his haunches behind the crate where Shepard had been taking cover. Garrus walked over and hiked himself up onto the crate to have a seat. Shepard's victory dance carried on in the background. Garrus takes a look back over his shoulder and laughs.

"Brother, she's all yours." Kaidan nods and takes in another lung-full of helium. Garrus wasn't sure if he should say what he was thinking…aw, to hell with it.

"The bedroom must really be worth it."

"After the bedroom, you'd think I'd be able to handle this." Kaidan let his head fall back onto the top of the crate with a thud. Garrus helped himself to a healthy dose of laughter. Kaidan's laughter mellowed as he came back down to earth, so to speak. Shepard walked up beside the two of them and grabbed her discarded greaves and rocket launcher. Joker came in over the comlink, struggling to keep his voice even.

"You do realize you left this channel _open_, Commander?"

"Oh. Shit!" said Shepard, putting a hand over her mouth to keep spittle from flying everywhere as she broke into laughter she couldn't control. They thought they were laughing hard before this. Kaidan and Shepard were red faced and breathless. Garrus couldn't stand himself up straight. He was laughing too hard. A couple minutes on, the rumble of the Normandy's engines was coming up from the south-east. Shepard cleared her throat and tried to sound like she was in charge.

"Let's go, gents. Normandy's close." Garrus nodded, laughing and giving Kaidan a solid slap on the shoulder as he stood.

"Buckle up, buttercup." Garrus said then started to walk after Shepard. Kaidan let a deep breath out, took one in, got himself up, gave his head a shake and followed the others.

"Strapped in tight."

"I figured you guys would have run for the hills after all that." Shepard said, genuinely surprised they hadn't pegged her for nuts and left. She would have.

"What are friends for, Shepard?" Garrus replied, putting an arm around her shoulders as they walked on. Shepard gave it some thought.

"Sticking with you…even when you've lost your mind, your pants…" Shepard paused with a concerned look on her face and turned around. "…and your pistol." Kaidan put an arm around her waist and handed Shepard her missing pistol.

"Exactly." Kaidan said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Well said, Shepard. Well said."

v

(M)Shepard in Jeopardy – The Citadel

"Shepard. You look like you're having a bad day."

"It's starting to look up."

"Heh. The landing pad's over there, but it's behind locked gates."

"Let's find the control panel." Kaidan let his eyes be drawn to his clinging wet shirt and jeans that left _nothing_ to imagination.

"Nice duds...control panel. Right."

"So...what happened? 'Cause Joker said you fell through a fish tank."

"That's right."

"Not sure I believe that." Shepard twitched as something started wriggling somewhere nothing should have been. Taking cover he shot a hand down the front of his jeans. Out came a closed fist. He opened his hand and a small panicking minnow flopped violently, arcing itself up into the air and down onto the ground. Shepard fixed Kaidan with an exasperated look. Kaidan laughed.

"Nope. Still don't believe it."

"'Cause I always keep a minnow down there for an occasion like this."

"You keep something down there, and I wouldn't call it a minnow."

v

Garrus wore a revulsed expression.

"You do realize some of us have to monitor this _open_ channel?"

v

"Yup." replied Shepard. Kaidan chuckled.

"Sure did." Signaling Kaidan to move forward to new cover, Shepard put up a hand as he passed. Kaidan took him up on the five and high as he moved by. Both were laughing with considerable restraint. Then Wrex spoke up.

"Is it a fish big enough to eat?" Snickering sounded from all around the channel. Shepard answered.

"Wrex...NO."

v

After Dinner

"That was great."

"Yeah, it was. Is it over?"

"Well, what do you suggest?"

Honest answer: "What do you think I'm going to suggest? _You've_ had _me_ thinkin' it since _you_ walked in the door."

v

The Last Time

*Shepard's dancing around getting intimate.

Kaidan: Alright, blondie. I didn't want to have to do this…but you leave me no choice. Here comes the smolder.

*Shepard melts.


	14. Mass Effect Extras - Author's Notes

Mass Effect

Author's Notes

Mass Effect 3 left me feeling disappointed when diverse endings weren't created for the game. Happy, middle of the road, and downright heartbreaking endings all had their merits. I also came to think that, just perhaps, if the player had been allowed to walk into death with Shepard, it might have been easier to let the story they were leaving behind go. Even going to so far as to give the player an interrupt to declare 'Yes, I'm done' before the game would be allowed to conclude.

I have to interject here with something I haven't encountered yet but really wanted to see. Maybe once I get closer to the end of the game I'll appreciate the speeches that Hackett and Shepard get to give more than I do now, but if the devs were willing to go so far as to put the Normandy at the head of the fleet (which I think is highly illogical – more likely to be the Destiny Ascension with human, asari, krogan, turian and salarian escorts), why not give Shepard the chance to address the fleet he/she has spent all this time and effort building? Give the player choice with an interrupt. The only qualm I have about the pep talk I've written is that it depends too heavily on philosophy and many would have an "I'm naught but a humble grunt, Ma'am," type of reaction. I also figured it sounded preachy but hey, in a story about "Space Jesus", I'm worried about sounding preachy? Nah.

I also decided to slightly rewrite the Virmire debrief, even though it was pretty much all there already. The way concerns about Shepard's actions being taken to preserve a relationship rather than impartially was addressed in front of the crew. That seemed jarringly out of place in the game. The private conversation about how her death affects them was a far more appropriate place to talk about it, and one that allowed for better understanding of Shepard's actions and the reason for them.

I thought I should address the fact that the end of a story like this should impart a meaningful lesson. Two of the best criticisms of a happy ending - that I've encountered - are, first, that the sacrifices of others would be made less meaningful and second, that self-sacrifice of the highest order is necessary to achieve something like this. I disagree with both points and instead, take the stance that both possibilities offer equally meaningful lessons.

The original ending did a fantastic job of exploring the selflessness and nobility of character needed to give one's life for the sake of others. It also makes a point relevant to _everyone_ \- there will come a time when everything you have ever known and loved will be taken away from you. You will not have a choice. When the time comes, how will you face it? With dignified acceptance? Or stubborn, petulant, futile, refusal? Conducting oneself with dignity is never futile and always worthwhile. The only thing worse than failing to conduct yourself with dignity, is failing to try.

An ending where Shepard survives could have examined the idea that self-sacrifice takes many forms. Surviving and dedicating yourself to working toward understanding how to bring reality closer to the world you hope for is how we create lasting, positive changes. It may also be the most meaningful form of self-sacrifice. It is easy to die and leave the work of fulfilling your hopes to another. It takes _immense_ strength to survive, and fearlessly dedicate yourself to walking that path.

Having written both an ending where Shepard lives and one where Shepard dies, I can genuinely say that I am thoroughly satisfied by both, because, in all honesty, Shepard doesn't have to leave Kaidan behind, but…I do.

From all this follows the question, what can I tell you about the nature of that possible future where Shepard lives on?

Best place to start is the end. The Crucible may have targeted Reapers, but interacting with it and the Catalyst fundamentally changes Shepard. Shepard's genetic code is synthetically enhanced. The changes start in her brain and nervous system, slowly spreading over time. As old cells die off, the leftover material is metabolized to grow new, enhanced tissues. Eventually all cells in the body would be replaced. Kai, having been only weeks old at the time, would be born and grow with these enhancements from the start.

A bunch of fun changes could ensue from the added genetic code. Lifespan would extend considerably. The changes could be passed from one individual to another. The changes themselves are selective. Seed cells could move from one body to another, but unless the genetic code of the recipient carried the right markers the changes themselves would select against that individual and fail to take root. Communication through tactile contact, with both organic and synthetic beings as well as inorganic materials, is possible. Improved healing. Complete resistance to disease.

The enhancements pass from one generation to the next undiluted. They could also be passed to the asari reproductively. The drive behind this idea is to have synthesis happen, but stably, over time and by choice/selection. It would also retain individuality, as thinking communally would always remain a choice.

As for how they are reunited…Shepard would need resources a fair bit of preparation in place to pull off such an escape. Let's just say that mining resources during the events of Mass Effect 2 left her with a ridiculous surplus, which was fenced for top dollar through the Shadow Broker once war broke out and resources became scarce and considerably more valuable. Much of it was then stolen from the less-than-savoury recipients and delivered to the Allliance. With some cutthroat loan brokering on the part of the Shadow Broker, that profit becomes nothing less than a genuine fortune. Also, the Mass Relays are damaged but not destroyed in the final battle. The hardest part of repairing the relays is replenishing the eezo that dissipated throughout the galaxy when the Crucible fired. Often the Keepers are set up as maintenance workers for technology that mysteriously just works. I find it genuinely hard to believe the single greatest investment of scientific minds from each species wouldn't have been focused on duplicating relay technology. I'm operating under the belief that if they weren't already capable of building new relays, somebody had the technology sitting in their basement somewhere – eight years being a reasonable amount of time to get it up and working.

After the battle for Earth, there are quarian ships still in orbit above the planet that use FTL technology that does not rely on Mass Effect drives. There's something to be said for resourcefulness. Shepard finds herself an impoverished refugee aboard a new division of the fleet, under Tali's command. The Normandy crash lands with minimal damage in a system along with portions of the quarian and asari fleets. Repairs are made and before long she's space worthy.

As for the life Shepard and Kaidan would lead - not only do they have Kai who needs to be carefully raised, but Shepard's promise to continue watching would have to be kept. Thanks to a gross excess of resources fenced in a timely fashion through the newly made Shadow Broker, Shepard has become the best-paid Spectre the galaxy. They are thoroughly independently wealthy. Like Liara, they have an opportunity to use their offices in support of common good, while not reporting to any governing body. Their actions would be free from the influence of anyone seeking to gain or maintain political clout. Just because drawing the biblical parallel rocks - a new age Holy Trinity of galactic peacekeepers. Each represents one of my three favourite attributes – Wisdom, Perception and Action.

Having just written the Farewell chapter of this story, I may owe readers an apology for giving this a fairytale ending. To be honest, a part of me asked, like a little kid hoping for candy, if I could give it an ending that picturesque and well, perfect. One that had Shepard keeping her word to do with stepping out of galactic politics and into freedom. I obliged. Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
